Last post for 2012

Hello!

2012 is coming to an end and as usual, it's a time of reflection and resolutions. I'm pretty disappointed that the world didn't end this year - seeing how I haphazardly wasted every minute of it. This year has really flown by so quickly that I haven't been able to make much memories of it, mostly lessons learnt.

1stly: I'm grateful for graduating and finally getting my degree.

Taking a RMIT course has shown me that there are many more retarded people out there and that I stand a chance in society. Facts. It has also taught me that if I pray hard enough, I will pass my exams. HAHAHA I'm kidding. It's true though, that sometimes in life, you can get by with pure luck. But don't try this in your lives, amateurs. I'm also grateful for the awesome company in school. I don't have a truckload of friends but those 2 are all I need.

Lucien; I don't know what we would do if you didn't gather last minute information from all your friends hahaha. And your gazillion Fun Facts every time we study and your willingness to travel all the way to my area to study every single time. Your company has been an awesome addition to school so thank you. For spending my birthday with me and for being one of the nicest and most interesting guys I will ever know. We may or may not cross paths in the future but thanks for being a bro. ♥

Geok; I really don't know what I would do without you. Without you to cab me to school HAHAHA kidding. No not really. hahaha. I will truly miss burning the midnight oil with you though now instead of studying, we just sit around doing nothing. Nothing much has changed and I really hope we stay this way, forever. I hope I succeeded in making you say 'fuck you' at that. Throughout our entire schooling life you have been saying that you are being mean to me to make me a stronger person and despite me saying fuck you to that every time, its worked to a certain extent. You've been there for me in more ways than one. You've helped me through some dark times and you are the only one I can put down my pride with and candidly ask for help. I don't know if I've done enough for you but you have done enough for me and I promise that when I start working I will not every time say 'no money' hahaha and I promise to always make time for you. Don't say 'no need', I know you also lonely boy haha. Aiya, no need to type until we not ever gonna meet again, I will probably be seeing you tonight hahaha. Thanks for being 3-in-1 like instant coffee - a friend, sister and bro. I LOVE YOUZZ. ♥♥


2ndly: I'm grateful to be alive.

I know it's ironic since I wanted the world to end. I had a shock of my life after my outrage of modesty incident and until now I still have a phobia. But I'm glad that it taught me to fear the night and that there really are monsters out there. Oh it also taught me how inefficient the police are hahaha. It has also brought me closer to my family though they probably don't think so. But their concern makes me want to be a better person. I'm thankful for the people who have showed their concern via this incident.

Sister; You ask the most retarded questions and you might as well be the new annoying orange. But you brighten up this family and I will cry when you move out. I'm sorry for being mean to you, I know you care about me and that my judgement is sometimes clouded by my intense distrust at anyone that treats me nicely. Although we've skipped ahead on several steps of sister bonding and its too late to go back now, I am proud to tell people that you are my sister and all the nice things that you do for me. I love you and I'll be there for you any time you need to rant. ♥♥♥♥

Mummy&Daddy; I know I've been a pain in the ass for many years now. I used to think that you guys would be better off without me, thought of running away, dying. All this when I was young and ignorant of course. Thank you for loving me even though I am such a rotten, hot tempered child. Thank you for giving me so much in my life, a wholesome family, an annoying sister, every single thing I have is yours. Your hard work and sweat and blood. Don't worry, in a few months time you both can sit at home and shake leg while Jie and I bring home the bacon. Thank you for putting up with the mess in my room and the smelliness of my very cute gerbils (which also love you by the way). I couldn't ask for a more loving and funny family. ♥♥♥♥

3rdly: I'm grateful for mahjong.

For the longest time now, my hobby has been mahjong. I may be a sore loser at times but I still love the game and the lessons it brings - its not all gambling. It has taught me not to be calculative. I believe mahjong is a judge of a person's character and disposition. I'm not quite there yet but I know people who are. I know people who make the game fun and I know people who kill the game. I'm still learning but I believe that no matter how much you feel like banging the table and throwing the tiles when you are losing, you have to smile and just get on with it. Also, I've learnt that I rather much play the game with people who are not calculative because they really just kill the game for everyone. Especially if they are supposed to be friends. The last lesson is of course, everyone has different rules when they play, just like life. It's all about compromise.

Amanda; You are my number 1 mahjong kaki and I will always have your number on speed dial. (Gonna add Shaun's soon hahaha). I absolutely LOVE playing mahjong with you and Shaun. Everything is so comfortable and no one is calculative. When you sing, I feel like I'm gonna 'Zi mo man'. When you laugh, I feel like I'm gonna 'An gang/yao'. I love how even when luck is not on your side you are still able to laugh and sing songs. You are one of the few players I know that are truly happy to play the game and is not just in it for the money. Which makes our meeting not only about winning money but also to spend time together and get to know each other better. Both you and Shaun have very very good character when it comes to mahjong and I really really wish the best for both of you. And the best for me the next time we play. HAHA KIDDING. ♥

Joyce; You are the last mahjong kaki I will call. Because you are so damn lucky. hahaha. Sometimes I feel like mahjong sessions with you are not about meeting up anymore, but more like financial war. Of course, no one plays mahjong to willingly give away money (unless I become a taitai next time with too much money), but every mahjong session with you, I sweat and sweat. hahahahaha. But 'gian', what to do. You are also one of the few people I know that when losing, still can giggle and giggle. Even though its weird sometimes because we used to be SO close and now we only meet to mahjong, I still wish you all the happiness in the world and hope that in many years to come, we would still meet occasionally for mahjong and high tea. hehe.  ♥

4thly: I'm grateful for love.

I attended my first 'friend' wedding this year and I loved every moment of it. From the bachelorette party to the banquet. I'm happy that Sam Bimbo ♥ found her true love 8 years ago and is now happily married. From 4 years ago in 2010 when I first met Sam until this day, I have never seen her more beautiful and happy than on her wedding day. Love exists. And it taught me that happiness can truly come from the heart despite my lack of ability to feel that kind of happiness. I wish all the couples I know all the happiness in the world, to enjoy each other's company and to forgive and tolerate the little things that annoy you. To hold on to each other and find a way to break through to them. To compromise and listen to what each one has to say. To never stop doing little things to surprise each other.
Mummy&Daddy, Claire&Terence, Amanda&Shaun, Jiawen&Bryan, Joyce&Simon, Sam&Nic, Yixiang&Agnes, Cheryl&Kenneth, Pearlyn&Keith, and of course, Cherryl&Joshua♥.

Joshua; We've been going strong for so long despite all the negativity and like I said before, we beat the odds together. Sometimes I feel like crying when I talk to you because I feel like our frequency is very very different. You also make me want to punch your tummy when you always forget the little things that annoy me. I can't say we were as mad and passionate about our relationship as we were 2 years ago but we are comfortable. And despite seeing you 99% of 2012, I still miss you even when I'm with you and when I'm not. You've taught me that love is about acceptance. Over time, I've accepted that your english sucks and you are possibly never going to slim down (TROLLLOLOL). 2012 has been a trying year for us and I'm glad we made it through endless days of army. I can't say that you are my true love and that I am going to marry you (Yes, I am damn realistic), but I can say that my love is not dying and that I wish to make many many more memories with you. ♥♥♥

Lastly: I am grateful for the things here and there that make up 2012

Other than memorable moments in 2012, there are bound to be events that make it a fruitful year. Much like a leaking pipe, without these events to hold the year together, everything would just fall apart in time. So I'm thankful for every meet up this year.

Jiawen/Sbitch; You have been extremely busy this year and so have I thus we didn't hang out as much and thus I didn't know which event above to slot you under HAHAHA. But I treasure every facial session, every supper session, every whatsapp chat that we have. You are like my longest closest friend I have and you also been the only constant in my life for as long as I can remember. No need for formalities, because you know that I'll be there for you whenever, wherever. And I know that you'll be there too. As we grow closer we no longer feel the need to hide that we are in a bad mood and entertain each other and that's what I love about you - No hard feelings. Everyday is a new day for us. Thank you for putting up with my nonsense and bitchy remarks about people who no longer matter. Thank you for always finding time to meet me, it makes me feel loved. HAHAHA. Aiya, not like I'm never going to talk to you again also. I love you la! ♥♥

Liangyu; I hate you. You are a guy who doesn't keep his word. HAHAHA. I'm thankful that I came to know you through Joshy because you are one of the rare ones that I feel comfortable around. Maybe because we are so alike - both lazy and poor. HAHAHA. I admire your efforts to study and I really think you are not stupid but like to act stupid. Next time when you make it big remember my name and how I cheered you on when you are studying and remember to treat me to bread. I want Croissant, not Gardenia bread k thanks. ♥


Yup, that kinda sums up this year for me. I omitted some events because I am either in denial or that I don't wish to recall unhappy events haha! I made a short list of resolutions to commemorate the mark of a new chapter of my life in 2013. But I'm not going to type them here because everytime I disclose a resolution to the public it doesn't ever work. (Like quitting mahjong) hahaha. I'll pen them down and come back to it next year end!

Loveeeeee♥

Favourite christmas poem

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.


The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.
And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.


When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash.


The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.


With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer!
Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid!
On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"


As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.


And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.


He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.


His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.


He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.


He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.


He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
'Happy Christmas to all! And to all a good night!'

I feel really blessed to have so many people around me who are happy and awesome. its really good to get out and hang with different people sometimes. a change of environment and mood.

I really wish i could turn back time.

HELLO. so as usual, nothing new in my life hahaha. but omg gossip girl ended! after 6 years leh. can't believe i have been watching a show for 6 years hahaha. anyways gonna be attending a church wedding tmr and then a wedding dinner on friday. and i attended a bachelorette party last week which i left early cos i was so wasted. i only drank 2 shots btw HAHAHAHAHAH thats how bad my liquor tolerance is. contrary to what a lot of people like to think.

IM SO HAPPY. im gonna be seeing a lot of people that i love for the next few days! and christmas is coming! IM SO EXCITED cos of all the food HAHAHA. AND ANOTHER THING THAT IM HAPPY ABOUT IS THAT EVERYONE IS COMING BACK FROM OVERSEASSSSSS. I MISS EVERYONE SO MUCHHHHHHH.

XOXO NO MORE GOSSIP GIRL.

omg i didnt put false lashes for like 6 mths? and now its been 1 hour and i cant put it in perfectly. i used to be able to do it in 5 mins -_-

I really hate that I am not from a rich family. I strongly believe that without money you can't do many things. I wanna adopt this precious little puppy from this guy that i follow on facebook but i am so powerless. i will not have money to buy food, a comfortable bed, etc. i really wish someone will call me from my job applications already. i am dying to start working so that i wont be so powerless anymore.

And the world will never know.

hi hi!

IM DAMN STRESSED. i cant freaking decide what i wanna work as. its like my passion's flying all over the place. one day im all like, 'bitch please, banking is a piece of cake' and then tomorow im like, i fucking hate banking all. IM SO STRESSED. like honestly i didn't even feel this amount of stress for my finals. i swear i am searching damn hard and i am going crazy. ughhghhhaiuwfhonweiuvwevwenvoiewjrfhc02384u3208hgjc.

man, i just blogged a whole post about how i hate dumb people but i think its just the scorpio in me acting up. anyway, it was really mean.

well, when looking for friends, some gravitate towards people who are pretty, popular and wealthy. i like my friends to be witty, smart (both book and street) and geniuses at sarcasm. so if you're still one of my close friends now, congratulations, you are definitely above others when it comes to either of these factors.

yup that about sums it up i guess. minus a whole lot of offensive stuff. hahahahhahahaha k bye.

omgggggg primeval (original) is like a mother nice show. sigh sigh!! i pray season 6 comes out! i have been doing nothing but watching shows all day hahaha. okay gonna get back to it.

HELLOOOOOOOO HELLOOOOOO HELLOOOOOOOO

i am super hyper and happy now because i just got my final results and they are gooooooooood. hehehe. i may not be that dumb afterall! haha okay who am i kidding. i still believe paper qualifications mean nothing haha. look at how many successful people out there without degrees. some of them probably didn't have the money to study but look whose the one needing the degrees now.

okay but on more bumming news, i am not going for a holiday or whatever. in fact my parents have already started asking me to look for a job like, 2 weeks ago. hahaha. im looking im looking. whatever happened to work-life balance though?

super happy that both my friends made it!! will be seeing each other on graduation day whoots! ^^V

:)

Hello!

I am so exhausted. I've been thinking REALLY hard about my career path and I've decided that it will not be in private banking/wealth management. (Even though when I research on the salaries I am like T_T because it is hell lot) I just couldn't bring myself to pretend that I am interested in banking or anything remotely related to it. Seriously, the moment someone mentions the words 'interest rates', 'coupon rates', 'bonds', 'floating markets', etc - my brain immediately goes ZZZZZZZ. No joke. By the way, I just randomly through in some financial terms which I'm pretty sure are from the same chapter because I can't remember anything else hahaha.

SO, I have decided to pursue a career in either hospitality or human resources or marketing. Or HR/Mkting in hospitality. I've applied for a few jobs -fingers crossed- but I'm keeping my options though. I mean, lets be practical. I can't say for sure that I will NEVER make the effort to read up on finance if I absolutely have to, but I can say for sure that I am a 'Money over Interest' person. hahahaha.

I went for this job survey focus group once and there were these girls that were like, 'Oh, money doesn't matter at all, I want a job that makes a difference - like charity work'. And call me a bitch but that whole time I was just thinking of how naive those people were. Money is not everything but without money you can't achieve anything. How to pay for a degree when you don't have money? How to ensure your own 3 meals a day when you're a charity worker? How to start your own business? I don't know when I became such a superficial and materialistic person, but reality bites. I want to be rich. I want to be financially independent. I want to be so rich that my eyes will literally have the dollar sign because I am so rich that i custom made my own contact lenses.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hi there.

My black gerbil had some red liquid in his eyes today and I thought it was blood. Even though I read on the internet that gerbil tears are red and that its probably irritated with something in its environment my heart still ached. I stopped whatever I was doing and cleaned their cage but its still tearing. I'll go to the vet tomorrow if it doesn't stop. Sigh. I tried to wipe its tears away and it really freaked me out when the whole tissue was red. Super upset.

On top of that, I've been feeling pretty bummed out because I applied for several banks and got rejected by 2 already. Please don't ask me about it; I probably won't want to talk about it. Now I know why I was told to work hard when I was young. Another sigh. We all have big dreams but I don't think I'm going to be able to live mine. Everyone is on the road to success and I can't seem to start my engine.

I looked at other options. Like being a copywriter or going into marketing/HR. It scared me - how little I knew about the industries. How ill-prepared I was to take this step into society. You're probably thinking 'Whiny bitch, if you don't know something then go read up.' Well firstly, you're a bitch too. And I did try but financial industries and world news just doesn't pique my interest at all. I think I'm only feeling so shitty because I feel like I am stuck with doing finance, which I hate through and through. I can't seem to find the requirements for other jobs though. Singapore is so focused on the financial/banking industry that anything remotely related to Arts just doesn't cut it. I AM GOING CRAZY. AND MY PARENTS ARE NOT GIVING ME A BREAK EITHER. It's been like, a week since I ended my exams? Its not their fault that they are so clueless about what I'm feeling though. Maybe one day I'll actually feel like they care enough to listen to my opinions and insecurities instead of blindly pushing me to find a job. Then I'll tell them.

Feeling really irritated lately. I think its due to my inferiority complex. So I feel the need to assert my 'authority' over anyone that I am able to do so. Not feeling any better though. I still feel like the whole world owes me something. I don't know where to begin to start feeling better and its starting to annoy everyone around me. Seriously, its for the better that I'm alone.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY jie and liangyu.

I had a rockin' time last night. Met up with the S/Cheryls and had an awesome dinner at Poulet. Shy Sher introduced us to shy Jo. hehe. They are super cute together. :)

I feel extremely stressed now because I can't go through life doing finance. I know nothing about the financial industry and markets. I practically have zero knowledge on finance too. I want to because of the money but I really can't. Tried to read some business magazine just now and I almost fell asleep already.

I feel sad that I am so clueless in life and no one is able to give me a direction.

so i just found some stuff on this computer which i never meant to chance upon. you are such a snitch you know? i have never once complained to them about you being rude to me or whatever. you'll see when you get to heaven. ask God. my conscience is clear. you know why? because while you drown them with your whining, i get to drown in the background. i hope you're happy though. cos when you're happy, they're happy. and i can get some peace cos no one will be asking me about you.

i pray that God shows all of you what you've put me through.
i also pray that all of you go to heaven, and that i go to hell. so i dont have to see your faces for eternity.

nobody said life was gonna be fair. im thankful for the material goods i have, but im gonna have to look else where for emotional support.
after all, when life gives you lemons, say no thank you.

hello! today wasn't much better. but that's alright. i've decided to just keep it all inside me and implode when i can't take it anymore. i sincerely hope my heart bursts from my insides and rupture all my vital organs at the same time.

went to the dentist today! i haven't gone there in years, literally. anyhoooo, now i know why i hate going so much.

firstly, EVERY SERVICE of dentistry is overpriced. i spent $400 today. yes, four fucking hundred. all i did were 2 fillings, albeit for the front row of my teeth. and i didn't want the filling turning yellow months down the road so i opted for the more expensive bonding. but STILL. FOUR HUNDRED LEH. if im not wrong that's like half the price of braces? i don't know. i should have just broke all my teeth in secondary school and went to the National Dental Center to get dentures cos im sure you know that as long as you are in a government school all your dental services at NDC are free. damn.

secondly, i hate that they tug at my mouth and thus stretch my lips to its maximum limit. i swear if i open any bigger my lips will just tear apart and bleed profusely. ok im not exaggerating. i have extremely dry lips which i just LOVE to peel so i can't stretch them (or put lipstick). cos if i do they are bound to split. ouch.

anyway i appreciate that he gave me a fucking painful injection to numb the whole area but i walked out of there looking like an idiot i swear. my lips were drooping to one side. and i had absolutely zero control. so i took a cab to josh's place :( what a waste of money. i hate taking cabs when i have a straight bus and plenty of time to kill. anyway if i could go back and say one thing to my dentist today it would be, 'LIAR'. i ended at 5. he told me the numbness would be gone in half and hour. it was numb till freaking 9pm leh. 9PM LEH IS IT HE GAVE ME 100$ WORTH OF ANESTHESIA THATS WHY SO EXPENSIVE. i couldn't even drink my bubble tea la the pearls kept dropping out HAHAHAHAHA WHY GOD WHY. 

okay im damn free now, as i am everyday, thats why i still blog religiously. i think i will still blog when i have kids. then i will bitch about the fact that my child is a girl and now i have to spend thousands of dollars on sanitary pads for her - plus the fact that i will be the one shopping for them. tears.

haha bye.

today i had a meltdown. as much as i do not want to care i really cant ignore it. its a lesson i have to learn from the way everyone treats me in life. i've been taking these lessons for years but i have yet to graduate.

i try and try to get into people's good books but i need to understand that if i were never a page to begin with, i can't. i can do all the shit in the world but i will not get recognition or gratitude. all i get is more nagging. all they can see are flaws. no one looks at effort. no one. of course, being a 22 year old near adult, i am not going to sulk over it. neither am i going to demand that they see through my invisibility. all i can do is have a good tear bath and face them like nothing ever happened. after all, thats what i am to people. just a rock with no emotions.


on a lighter note, the heavens must have sensed my despair towards myself and the people in my life and thus, let me win mahjong today :) it is by far the luckiest day of all my mahjong days. hehe. :)

joshy and i are going to start running tomorrow! so excited for us both to lose weight :)
dental tomorrow at 230! will some kind soul please call me at 130 if you can hahaha. i doubt i can wake up in time.

better days will come.
im surprised at how easily i let things go nowadays. must be growing up. hm.

today, i realised i am damn ugly. i found my SDcards for my old phones and took a look on my comp. i was hideous, still am and always will be.

its probably karma for being an insensitive, lying bitch my whole life. i haven't felt this way in a long time. i mean, i do complain about stuff now and then but its been really long since i hated myself badly. i hate being me.

i hate how everything i touch just burns and dies.
i hate how people can't accept me.
i hate how short my temper is.
i hate how i make people hate me.
i hate how im so devoid of emotions.
i hate how i can't keep happiness in my heart for more than 10minutes.
i hate how i can't smile.
i hate how i am so critical of everything.
i hate that im full of hatred.

i fucking hate me. and i don't blame you if you do too.

i had a random thought just now, while josh was driving recklessly as usual. JOKING. anyway, would it be better if during an accident, you scream or you keep quiet? okay the whole idea is whether your mouth would be shut or open. cos if your mouth were shut there would be a high chance that you bite your lip or tongue right? but if it were open stuff could fly in :/ or your lips could tear right from the sides and you would look like the joker. ugh okay gross.

anyway, since everyone in the world seems to be so busy except me, i couldn't get anyone to play mahjong with me :( everyone's timetable is opposite of mine :( SO ANYWAY, i decided to go feed stray dogs again hahaha. becoming lesser and lesser though :( think people are catching them or whatever. finally found a pack at the end of the road. im not gonna say where in case some motherfuckers go catch them. THEY ARE SOOO ADORABLE. didn't buy enough food though, didn't expect that there would be so many dogs at the end. cos usually its like 2 by 2 only. heart ache man. wanna take all of them home.

someday.

oh right. i ordered pastamania! food makes me so happy. i was so bummed when ECP's burger king was closed for the night. sigh. i know im tempting fate with the amount of food that i eat but oh well, if i die tmr it wouldn't matter hahaha. hats off to the chef!

i need to get my act together man. :/

i've said this about 4 times in my life already - HAPPY GRADUATION TO MEEE! provided i don't fail any subjects this last semester. -crosses fingers-

as usual, after every exam, i feel completely bored out of my guts. there are only so many new episodes to watch every week :(

sigh humans, wanting what we can't have.

I always thought that i was strong enough to hate. But it turns out im not. i derive my happiness from making others happy so i cant hate - i would be miserable. i have been miserable for a long time now. but its time to let bygones be bygones.

so joshy has a wedding dinner tonight and im gonna study overnight so we decided to celebrate yesterday. :)

so much love.

we got a little hitchhiker!

creatures of the night show

when you see it

fucking cute. buy me a pet raccoon please

the stupid tram was like so fast i cldnt even take a picture of all the animals hahaha

my surprise at lucien's place!

 hahaha lucien prepared for a photo any day

the only day geok lets me touch her HAHA

geok 'dont purposely hide and act like you damn small pls'

my 2nd bf

twins

thank you baby for planning everything for me! and thank you bros for being there :)
dinner with the family later! 

Are you a person who only looks at end results or are you someone
who looks at the effort put it?

I think its really shallow if you're someone who only looks at end results. Because you neglect all the effort put in into achieving it. For example, if someone gets you a gift and you don't like it, chances are you will smile and say thank you. But if inside you are thinking of how shitty your present is instead of how much effort was put in to finding it then you are someone who just looks at end results.

Im not sure which i am. i appreciate effort but i have the impression that when someone buys you a gift, they just picked it off the shelf conveniently. they didnt put in the effort to make sure the present is suitable for you.

maybe i have trust issues. I always think that people's concern is fake. And everytime they talk to me, they have a motive or are being sarcastic. So i dont really trust what people say unless i know you are an extremely honest friend.

sigh.

'Friends who don't bother abt u are not worth ur time and effort either'

my very wise friend said to me. HAHAHA no la, its just jiawen HAHAHAHA.

but yea i have to start rmbing not to fall back against my own words too. everytime i tell myself im not gonna care anymore i feel something inside me that makes me want to.

i hate that. i just end up a fool every single time. honestly i feel mega sad that i have to do this but i guess its about time.

i'm not gonna place blame.

bye, friend!

don't lose your way
with each passing day
you've come so far
don't throw it away

live believing
dreams are for weaving
wonders are waiting to start
live your story
faith hope and glory

souls in the wind
must learn how to bend
seek out a star
hold on till the end

valley, mountain
there is a fountain
washes our tears all away
words are swaying
someone is praying
please let us come home to stay

its too hard. i dont wanna try anymore, im exhausted.

i love you.
but i love myself more.

Old but I will always love this song. There is not one flaw I can pick with this song. And omg, there are only a few singers that give me goosebumps when they sing and Demi Lovato is one of them. I don't like all of her songs but I think she's perfect in this.

omg HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. I HAVE GAINED TEMPORARY FREEDOMMMMMMZ. todays paper was damn easy and even though i know i have a high chance of failing yesterday's paper im just so glad to be able to take a break. hahaha. yea this is what i wanna do with my life. i wanna be a 'take-a-break' manager. hahaha. next paper on 5th november! then i can officially throw away my bookshelves and every single stationery i have.

cant. wait.

oh p.s today in the exam hall i realised i dont know how to spell disseminate. HAHAHAHA i was trying out dissemminate, disemminate, diseminate. ITS JUST ONE OF THE WORDS THAT LOOK WRONG NO MATTER HOW YOU SPELL IT OK.

Singapore child grows up after maid poured acid into his throat
(its a link btw)

Sometimes I feel like we have it so easy. 

Yet we complain non stop about our trivial love lives and not having enough party life or money to buy other trivial things. even though i've had my fair share of unfortunate incidents i still feel guilty when i see how easy these people move on from theirs. Im sure they've had their share of nightmares too but how is it that they are able to inspire others?

I tend to be more inspired by children than by adults. Because they are so innocently strong. they don't act strong because they have other motives in mind - like to impress - they are just so.. innocent.

The people who have it easiest are the people who complain the most.

So I was singing along to like every song on Kiss 92FM (since every song is so old school and awesome) and I was wondering how amazing it was that we can just open our mouths and BAM! a tune pops up and we are able to follow our favourite songs. pretty amazing no? then I started thinking of why some people are tone deaf. I went to read it up and its actually genetically influenced though it can occur from brain damage. ok i admit i laughed a little about the brain damage thing cos i do have friends who are tone deaf and it was just funny to think that they have brain damage WHICH THEY DONT. LOVE ALL OF YOU, my tone deaf friends haha.

Tone deafness is also associated with other musical-specific impairments, such as inability to keep time with music, the lack of or the inability to remember or recognize a song. These disabilities can appear separately but some research shows that they are more likely to appear in tone-deaf people

then i felt abit sad la when i read this cos like music and songs play like a big part in my life and i would love for everyone to be able to enjoy it too. im not talking about professional musicians and shit but like to be able to play one or two of your favourite tunes on the piano or like hearing the instrumental starting of a song and shouting 'ohmygod i love this song!' and stuff. yup i think these are some simple pleasures of life. and although not everyone can enjoy it, im relieved to know that God did give my friends other abilities to make up for it :)

haha! im in such a thankful mood now. FULL OF LOVE, BYE.

WHY VAMPIRE DIARIES SO NICE!?

oh my. everytime i dont blog for like more than 2 days i feel like im very very busy haha. anyway, i ought to be. 2 papers next week! one after another. ugh. hate it when there are no breaks inbetween. and i have an interview tmr! relationship manager. but im probably not going to take it because i rather be a back end financial analyst or wealth manager. im not really into maintaining relationships with people :/ but we'll see how it goes! -crosses fingers-

suddenly its like we can't stand still anymore.

i want a disco boogie party SO badly. just disco music all night long and a lot a lot a lot of fun and clean disco dancing. omg. ahhhh disco lights and some lightly liquored drinks and fruit punch!

I WANT I WANT I WANT A DISCO PARTY.

I think there are worms in my tummy. Yesterday for dinner, i drank a soup and ate baked beefballs and aglio olio spaghetti from pizza hut. then like 2 hours later i 2 slices of pizza that we took away from pizza hut. 3 hours later i ordered pastamania and ate calamari and meatball spaghetti.

today for dinner, i ate spaghetti again, creamy mussels and a large pumpkin soup. then like just 30 mins ago i ordered macs and ate the stupid samurai burger meal.

homg i ate like a shitload of food for the past 2 days. wtf. byebye weeks of starving. why the fuck am i so hungry?!?!?!!?!?!?

money not well spent.

so yesterday before sleeping I asked myself, what should I do. and I decided that if I can't stop all my bad habits I am going to stop most.

so, no more mahj for me. don't ask me anymore k. not because I keep losing (which as you can see doesn't stop me from playing for some reason -_-) but because my parents money is worth more than that. so until I can fund my own games I am not playing anymore.

and I'm gonna go on a saving frenzy next week onwards. need to save for sam's wedding, Christmas gifts, holidays, survival -_-

oh and the people are most guilty and fucked up are the people who try to justify their fucked up actions with excuses and good will. like srsly bitch, no one gives a shit why you're so fucked up.

well! till then.

i just watched Taken 1 and Ratatouille again. omgggggg. i feel true happiness when i see all the rats in ratatouille. then i look at my two babies and feel even more blessed that i am able to see past what other people see in them and love them. ok im not delusional, i know they can't understand me and they can't do anything in real life. trust me i've let my gerbils out before and all they did was run around in circles in my room hahaha.

BUT HOW CUTE ARE THEY OMGZZZZ!?!?!?! love thier furry ass faces and fat bodies!!!! LOVEEEEEEEEE. i want a HUGE GREY MOUSE TOY. one that i can hug to sleep AWWWWWWWW.

oh one more thing. i think people who EXPLICITLY tell the world that their blog is for 'reflection' purposes and then try to squeeze every ounce of depth they have to come up with something that is still shallow, ought to be shot.

sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i had a tight group of girlfriends. like people i can all my bitches. my homies. my chicasss. okay you get the idea. maybe im really not cut out to have girlfriends hahaha. WE ARE TOO DIFFERENT. when i think about talking about foundation and eye shadow and perfume and accesories my mind immediately goes -SNORE-...... i know im gonna regret not learning what are the good brands now and whatever but its like, does it matter -_- i do use make up but i just use whatever i can find? hahahaha. im not brand conscious im more price conscious. like seriously i dont believe that a $120 foundation can make my skin glow with the light of a million fairies. of course im not saying i will use some unknown brand from Mustafa..... i guess drug store brands are fine for me.

i mean instead of a million accessories and make up products i rather have a damn nice room. like with a bean bag chair. and an awesome closet (which i will later fill with clothes hahahahaha), and and NO STUDY TABLES/LAMPS, BOOKSHELVES AND BOOKS. i swear after i graduate im gonna throw out all my tables and shelves and book shelves. green walls. AWWW. so pretty!! a nice dressing table! sconces. omg so pretty. its my only motivation to graduate hahaha. yup. if my room is this nice i would hardly need to leave my house hahaha.

okay back to studying! 

hola! mood has been pretty upbeat. maybe cos its a new week and i finally have money hahahahaha. or maybe its because i got my room lights back! i dont know. i guess when all your friends are the type of people who just move on from their problems you learn to move on too. its true though, there's no point dwelling. sometimes life will throw you into a world of hell for awhile but if you look for it, there will always be something to look forward to ahead! i guess i have decided to be the type of person that doesn't dwell on her unfortunate mistakes or whatever. yep.

cheers to moving forward!

how has your day been! mine has been fantastic!

so yesterday we went to play L4D after like 6 months, literally. and it was just so hilarious cos the computers were lagging like crazy so everytime we ran forward, in a blink of an eye we would be right where we started running from. HAHAHA. and when we threw a molotov (for non gamers, its like a jar of oil which sets everything on fire) we would go back in time and the molotov would be in our hands again HAHAHA. okay not that funny if you don't play games.

anyway josh bought me a lantern so we went to ECP to carry it! hahaha. JJ is mad funny. and both of them refused to walk beside me because they were super embarrassed to be playing w lanterns. hahaha. then JJ insisted on setting my lantern on fire -_-

picked geok up and headed to mlysia for vvvvvvvv late dinner. omgawd the food is like fucking good i must say. and pretty cheap! 30$SGD per person for like a feast of seafood and stuff. yumz.

I NEED A GETAWAY SO BADLY. just sitting on a patio and looking into the sunset w awesome music playing. sigh my dream. SOON. AFTER I CONQUER MY EXAMS. final sem whoohoo!!

omg and adriens coming back to singapore soon and he's attending sams wedding! super excited haha. gonna be a blast. gonna head out and parteh after her wedding!

ok! loves!

im graduating soon and people keep asking me what im going to do with my life after that. i always say 'i dont know' and they'll go on and lecture me about how i should have a goal in life. SO, just because i don't wanna talk about it doesn't mean i don't have one.

unless you are damn close to me i dont think you have the right to lecture me on anything. let alone lecture me on the future which has yet to come -_- because you don't know all the facts and what you say is just going to piss me off. and because i am so bad at confrontations i probably wont bother to tell you off or clear my name anyway. i'll just cleanse.

when i think about how phony the world is, i am truly glad i have josh. cos when shit happens i dont have to hide facts from him, i tell him the exact things that happen and he's super impartial. he doesnt try to say nice things to make me feel better if its clearly my fault. this is called reality. and since i dont like people who hide behind the truth, im glad my bf is like me. :) 

the drought is over.

hi! i'm always in a better mood when october comes. because my birthday's just round the corner haha! every year, even when i do not have a bf, i dream of some big and sweet surprise. i know its crazy but im just so excited everytime my birthday's coming up haha! well i don't know whats coming up but i DO know that i will be studying on the night of my birthday. its SO WILD.

sense the tone.

anyway. i am no longer in the red for my attendance thanks to geok and her very.. persuasive and manipulative lies. im kidding. but she does come up with the best excuses. damnnn girl.

i'm so excited for november. its going to kick this month's ass. my birthday's coming, josh is gonna ORD, my exams will over on 5th, part time job maybe, holidays! ok i am in such an upbeat mood i think there is a problem with me. hahahahahahaha ok i am fine by the way. hahahahaha LOVE.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness."

hello. how has your week been so far? mine has been absolute piss.

-bf went off to gentings, so did my parents.
-im broke and i lost more in mahj yesterday.
-my room light is bust so when night comes i feel like a caveman with only light from my bedside lamp and my laptops.
-haven't had a sore eye in 15 years BUT someone up there decided now would be the BEST time to give me one.
-my attendance has dropped to a new low HAHAHA don't know if i can sit for exams HAHAHA

so.. there ya have it. one of the worst weeks of my life. although most of it is my own fault hahaha well BYE

:(

yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time :) I spent the wholeeee day w baby!

went to farmart at cck. yay! soooo many gerbils there. chinchillas, rabbits, goats, parrots, etc. quite disappointing that there were no horses though. I think there used to be a lot more animals :/ anw. had an awesome BBQ chicken, lala and stingray lunch there! their BBQ chicken wings are to
die for.

after that we drove in to mlysia to eat awesome seafood! it was the most fun I ever had man hahaha. we got lost and all. sigh too long to blog it out but yay! did sth spontaneous and fun. :)

after that we played mahj till the sun came up. So, literally used up the entireeee day :) yay. sometimes I think it's because baby feels guilty that he wont be here for the entire
weekend next week lol

alright. back to studying.

so i survived days of not sleeping and i've completed all my projs! whoots. exams in less than a month. whut? dont know why this semester's timetable is so tight. anw im damn bummed out that i'm having exams before and after my birthday, yet again. its like year after year. pffft. not able to have a proper celebration sucks. no wonder im so immuned to not celebrating, i've had like years of training. still... sigh.

i ran out of gerbil food but luckily thats not a problem since my family members are such... healthy people. i can easily find like, oats and crackers that are not flavoured and stuff.

kinda sad that school is ending though. i will truly miss cabbing to school, cursing at the heavy traffic, running to tap my card on time (well mostly geok does the running but still haha), eating yummy cheap school food, chilling with friends after school, not knowing what the hell is going on because i rarely sit in for class, studying at macs for exams, etc. so, im going to make it a point to go to school for the remaining.. 3 weeks of school hahahaha. i will truly miss school life :(

ok! gotta go prep for school now. ciao.

im mad tired man. been staying up back to back completing projects. and now i found out that i have back to back exams in less than a month. gosh. my poor sleep deprived body. so many things to do before the end of the year :(

a few more hurdles and I'm done. I never wanna touch another textbook in my life. ever.

josh just went to extract his wisdom teeth and I'm getting a big laugh out of it cos one side of his mouth is numb so it kind of just droops to one side hahaha ok I am going to hell for laughing at his pain. damn gross though, I pray that I will never ever have to extract mine :/

incredibly bored. Can't wait to work and earn my keep and do whatever the hell I want. Ughhhhh. I think I very influenced by western culture because I always believe in equality. I mean of cos we've all thought of being taitais and just playing mahj and doing facials and manicures all day. duh, THE dream right. but I'd hate to have to ask for money from my husband everyday. Maybe it's a pride thing plus my many many unpleasant experiences with money lending and borrowing. that's why I truly believe women should earn their own money and not live off their husbands.

sigh. Childhood experiences really do shape you to become who you are and what you believe in.

p.s I love Jessie J's Price Tag but after awhile her lyrics just sound like bullshit to me. nowadays it's ALL about the money man. Nope not materialistic, just realistic.

i think the only reason why i like Adele's Rolling in the deep is because its such a 'in your face' song and not many people have a chance like this to humiliate someone in front of the world. love.

yaaaaaaaay one more day till my agony is over. then i have two other projs to finish. hahahahahhahahaha i love school. i miss the old days where i would study at home and there would still be people on MSN. its so much lonelier nowadays. oh well. anw i just read jiawens blog about eating ants HAHAHAHA I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH YOU BITCH.

i rmb something that one of the entrepreneurs that i interviewed told me. everyone has good and bad things happening to them in life. but how you turn the bad things around and make yourself stronger because of them is what sets you apart from everyone. and it just hit a raw spot and for a moment i was like 'wow'. i mean im sure it has crossed all of your minds to look at the bright side. but no one ever does it. a few people always tell other people to do but never ever succeed are

1) cheer up
2) look on the bright side
3) forget it
4) go sleep, tmr when you wake up things will be better (who ever came up with this line ought to die)

anyway. i live in a world where people constantly look down on me and dont give a shit how i feel. if not for the law i think they wouldnt even care if im alive or dead. i also live in a very selfish world. but i didn't turn out like any of them. i refuse to. you wanna be selfish with me, i will treat you ten times better. when i die, please dont cry. i will come back as a ghost and slap you. i dont treat people nice because i wish they would feel guilty. but i actually feel good when i am nice to people who are selfish to me. i feel good that i am not at their level. as for people who dont give a shit how i feel and think just because i am the smallest fart in the hierarchy, im glad i didnt grow up to be like you. if i had to bow my head to everyone whose older than me i would have no self respect. im glad i don't expect people who are younger than me to bow down to me either. right means right wrong means wrong. you have emotions, others do too. you have opinions, so do i.

my biggest regret if i die is not being able to build the kind of r/s that i want with you. if i had an accident or something really major and big and happy happened to me i wouldn't share it with any of you. because all i would hear are echos of your judgment. i accept the fact that i would never be good enough for you. im so sick of it. im so sick of being trampled on. you caused me to grow up with screwed up emotions. you caused me to doubt everything that i do. my abilities and my achievements. but thank you. because i grew up stronger.

thats all.

troubled troubled :( dont know why every time I start on a project super early I still won't finish it 2 days before submission hahaha. think I have no more stamina. used to be able to go on and on w/o sleep. It's 3 am and I'm damn tired alrdy :( and I woke up at 6pm -_- -_-

my cough is killing me. I am never stepping foot into little India again hahaha. I swear I caught a deadly virus from there last week.

not much to blog about. V unhappy but can't do anything about it hahaha. SUA. bury my head in work. BYEEE.

im so PISSED that my report is so shallow. i can't seem to clear my mind and do some critical thinking. ffffff this shit.

Have you guys heard of Nissin cup noodles? of course you have. it is the nicest and saltiest cup noodle i have ever eaten. AND I CAN'T TASTE SHIT NOW COS OF MY COLD. im so upset hahaha im super hungry but i feel like im just swallowing food to make myself full. can't taste at all. can't taste my calamansi either. :(

anyway anyway hahahaha i just rewatched 命中注定我爱你 and now im rewatching wang zi bian qing wa HAHAHA. i remember i rewatched the latter about close to ten times HAHAHAHAHAHA. MING DAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. okay he's not that cute anymore. if you put him next to ethan ruan he just looks fat. sigh. OMG NOSTALGIA.

my leadership proj is due next monday :( i have to finish it before hand cos of the stupid turn it in thingy now. UGH. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh v stressed hahaha. love projs though. love reports and essays hahaha. i just love staying up late at night and letting all the ideas flow to me. feel super accomplished. :)

OKAY, LOVE.

Im honored to be in the era that was around to see great things and not so great happen. Things that changed the world. Just off the top of my head:

1. Domination of Apple products all over the world, Death of Steve Jobs
2. Barack Obama, enough said (cos if you don't know whats going on here i can't help you hahaha)
3. The founding of Google (i really have no idea what search engine i used before google)
4. Facebook, enough said
5. Tsunami in 2004 (RIP Uncle R)
6. Saddam Hussein &Osama
7. Global Financial Crisis
8. September 11 (i still think its damn freaky that the numerical date of september 11 is 9/11 which is 911 emergency number -_- well played, terrorists.)
9. SARS (how can anyone forget the few weeks of skipping secondary school and not knowing what the hell was going on outside)
10. RIP Michael Jackson &Whitney Houston
11. Introduction of 3D technology
12. Cloning of Dolly!
13. K-Pop craze

i personally hate the last one. hahaha okay this are all the events i can remember since i was conscious of what was going on around me. aren't we lucky to be able to be around to know of them? of course these are not the GREATEST events or whatever but they are pretty big to me. and although not all of them are good events at least we have no excuse to say we got through life without ever experiencing anything great.

haha okay random. i was doing my leadership project and reading about steve jobs when i just thought of blogging about this. speaking of which, google is being a bitch today. its giving me everything under the sun except information that i need :( boo.

oh on a totally different matter, IM SO SICK OF MY IPHONE. im so sick of touch screen phones really. losing its sensitivity and shit. i want an old school keypad where i can close my eyes and still type a text. i want a flip phone. damn im so sick of flat one dimensional phones. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i think its important that my guy friends are able to not take what i say to heart. cos i can be super direct at times to them which is super refreshing cos you cant do that to girls. bitch mode will come on. so i thank god that all my guy friends will just laugh it off or say something to counter me for fun. phew.

tonight is just one of those nights where i have a lot of time on my hands thus i end up thinking of a lot of shitty stuff. the topic for tonight is that i am a pushover. im not even going to say im nice, im just plainly a pushover.

im sure we've all had those moments in life where we wanted to please someone just so that they would appreciate you and bond with you and be your best friend for life. i used to be this dumb. up till JC, i always had this urge to please people around me. i thought that if they were happy, i would be too. but there will never be a single situation where both parties are happy. i know what you're thinking, if its a compromise then both will be happy right? nope. the fact that you compromised means you didn't get 100% of what you want. and sometimes you only end up with 20% after a compromise because compromising means you will not end up with nothing but you will get at least something, which is that miserable 20%.

i guess i just need to thank life (and maybe any remaining brains i have) for showing me that its just not possible. something always cocks up; like people not saying thank you, or not even recognizing that i don't need to be doing whatever it is that made them happy but i did anyway. i probably just sound like im praising myself but im really not. because im a dumb bitch. people only miss the water when its gone. they are not going to remember you for something nice that you did. they are only going to remember that you exist when they want something done and don't have the right person for the job. that's the harsh truth.

i have probably made my fair share of mistakes in this department. i forgot people who were nice to me. made them give up and distance themselves. but at least i live with the regrets of what could have been. some people just live on without ever thinking about the mistakes they have made. usually not thinking about your mistakes and moving forward is the way to go but not for human relationships. keep making the same mistake and you lose everyone who ever cared for you. and you are stuck with everyone you care about who don't remember the nice things you've done for them either.

the saddest part is when you do something nice for someone but you are still invisible in their eyes. i guess everybody has their favourites.

I am mighty proud of myself and my efforts. I made a promise to God which I am proud to say I have been keeping. okay just so this post makes sense I am briefly gonna tell you what i promised hahaha. (man, i am reallyyyyy not used to typing with a capital I)

well the big man up there was nice enough to answer my very very important prayer so because i was so grateful i promised that i would stop using vulgarities. like on a regular basis. because if you know me...... i can use them in every sentence possible. not proud of it but yeah. well they say venting your anger and using vulgarities once in awhile is good for your health. SERIOUSLY. RESEARCH SAYS SO. i read a few articles on it already hahaha. and i am ashamed to say i let slip out of my mouth about 2 vulgarities since i made that promise WHICH SERIOUSLY IS SUPER LITTLE COMPARED TO LAST TIME and im sure God knows im trying. i am literally conscious about what i say now.

im not really sure which way it goes. when i was younger i used to fast from something when i really needed God's help and it worked. but this way works too. man i don't know. anyway for someone who is addicted to using vulgarities in every sentence i just wanna say a little effort goes a long way. YOU PROBABLY THINK IM KIDDING RIGHT. like, who the hell would be addicted to using vulgarities. WELL, I AM. like i said, if you interact with me on a daily basis you would know.

its not like people actually noticed that i stopped actually. like when i asked josh the other day if he noticed something different about my speech he said, "you are speaking fluently?" .....GUYS. i mean come on, which day do i not speak fluently PFFT. haha kidding. but yea. oh this reminded me of some video i watched the other day.

it was about this woman who was teaching us ladies not to give guys open ended questions. like for example, i actually asked josh this question initially, "do you notice something different about me?" and after scrutinizing me like an object he said "you cut your fringe?" HAHAHAHA HE'S SO CUTE SOMETIMES I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. normally after that response a lot of us would get irritated like, why is my bf so dumb why does he not understand what im saying. right? so the video actually said not to mislead our boyfriends because guys are generally not very observant and when you ask them an open ended question like that they would actually panic and think of anything pleasing to say. so if you want a compliment, ask him a direct question. if you went for a nose job, ask him if he can see your nose from the side. if you dyed your hair ask him if your hair is still black. simple things like that luh. it will save you both the trouble of guessing and the irritation and quarrels. bleh.

anyway i saw a list of things that dilys made on her blog (about herself) and i immediately thought of how much i don't like people to know about me. i know there are always different types of people, some like to share and some don't. i definitely belong to the group that doesnt. if i did make a list it would probably consist of things that are very generic and everyone already knows like... how i need to wash my hands very often or how i hate people who cough and sneeze w/o covering their mouths. i had this 'friend' who once told me that i probably always write the same things in a list like that because i am generally a very boring person and there's not much interesting about me. and then i set their house on fire. KIDDING. i guess it would be easier to say yes to that assumption than to explain that i like my privacy and if you wanted to know more about me you gotta show me you can be trusted. i guess its something to do with the fact that im a scorpio. YES I BELIEVE IN HOROSCOPES. i love my secrets. and besides, what's there left to find out if you already know everything about me? :)

Josh is in gentings and I am dying of boredom. Who did I talk to last time -_- anyway I just sent a feedback to Singpost cos they are really damn annoying? They don't have the brains to call or what? I checked the delivery notice and my number was there ok. And I was home the whole day -_- super annoyed. Now I have to go down and collect it myself cos what's the point of asking for redelivery if they are just going to leave me another delivery notice. Damn retarded.

sometimes I'm really grateful for the life I am leading now. btw, i initially spelt 'grateful' as 'greatful' HAHAHAHAHHA BRAIN DEGENERATION MUCH. anw i've got my iPod on, got my cigs, ruffles and green tea, good aircon, browsing gmarket and looking for potential part time jobs i might wanna take up. in the quiet of the night with no disturbance. i am truly grateful for my chill life. seeing that im graduating this end of year, how many more chill nights like this can i have? im really gonna miss the studying period of my life because its the most chill period of my life. own time own target. I FREAKING LOVE MY LIFESTYLE.

i dont want it to end -sobs hysterically-

omg coincidentally my iPod started playing Fun- We are young. that will be the national anthem of the first island i discover hahahahahahha i am literally crying tears of joy right now that i have such a damn good life. HORMONAL IMBALANCE OMG

omg i dreamt that i bumped into pea and keith twice at 2 different malls last night. it felt SUPER real hahaha maybe i can predict the future. i was like, EH PEA! what you doing here? and she was like, i dont remember.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT AM I DREAMING ABOUT

so out of desperation I started watching a series called Eureka. Its a damn old series and i was actually looking for more family based comedies like "Melissa and Joey' and 'Good luck Charlie' but I think I've watched almost every possible family comedy series on Funshion already. Eureka's alright, got through episode 1 and 2. Seems interesting, shall continue watching it. there are 5 seasons HAHAHA.

anyway, i reposted this article about netizens slamming a woman who was giving out food to the poor on facebook. i don't get singaporeans you know. really don't. people just like to criticise people because they can't do the same. they can't be the hero. so they don't want anyone else to shine. mankind is really awful these days.

hahaha i just went to scroll through my previous blogposts cos i was looking for one of my old friend's birthdays and i couldn't help but smile at the past me. can you believe i am equally angsty as i was 4-5 years ago hahaha. seriously i haven't changed at all man. im still upfront about what i dont like and can't stand. but maybe as we grow older our opinions become more obsolete. even if we don't like stuff we still have to suck it up and go with the flow huh. thats what i learnt recently. ok super random post. hahaha HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DILYS JIANG IM SO SORRY! :)

I might just start crying any moment now. my cramps are soooo painful this month ugh. every single cramp is like someone stabbing my uterus with a knife.

anyway on a happier note, God answered my vvvvv urgent prayer :) so I shall be vvvv grateful and keep my promise to him. Im not gonna lie, my promise is gonna take A LOT of effort to deliver. For me at least.

See, the problem with sleeping at 8pm cos of my cramps is that I will wake up at this kind of timing and not know wht to do. :/

I am not easily amused. Seriously. And I hate to have to give a patronizing smile. i don't feel bad for you I feel bad for myself so please don't make me do it.

I dont even know why people think I'm amiable leh. are you freaking kidding me.

DAMN RUDE TAXI UNCLE

OMG. MET WITH THE MOST UNREASONABLE TAXI UNCLE EVER.

So we were at a cross junction and usually straight is the shorter way to my house but you can turn right to the highway too. so I was talking with geok and suddenly I realized he was in the lane turning right. so I casually said,

"uncle 要直走"

And after awkwardly switching lanes that fucker was like

"前面赛车你要直走ok lor"

And I usually don't give a fuck because like taxi uncle what. BUT I REALLY NEVER SEE THE JAM IN FRONT WHAT. HE WAS BEHIND A BIG RED CAR AND HE COULD HAVE ADVICE ME THAT THERE'S A JAM RIGHT. HELLO, IM TALKING TO MY FRIEND LEH YOU THINK IM LOOKING AT THE ROAD. IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT THE ROAD WHEN I SIT IN A TAXI ARBO I GO AND DRIVE SUA.

Then he continued,
"我敢时间,你看到要塞车还要进来，好玩啦?"

WHAT THE FUCK? I usually don't say anything but this is too what the fuck seriously. so I said,
"uncle. 我没有看到那个jam ok"

He went on about how it's right in front of my eyes and I was like "你驾车的你当然看的到啦!!!!" spoken like a true ah lian in chinese.

And seriously it was only a jam cos of an accident for like 200 meters max and it was all clear in front. NOT LIKE HE DRIVE ANY FASTER LEH WITHOUT THE JAM. knn. Damn angry.

WORST THING, He let geok off after the highway which is damn out of the way and quite a distance to her house because apparently they had an argument too. what the fuck?

would you want your mom to be honest with you if you were fat or growing fatter? i would. and im going to be one of those moms who would tell my kid they are fat too. like how hypocritical am i gonna be if i watch my diet like a hawk next time but to my daughter whose social life is at risk, i just tell her she's beautiful the way she is and keep feeding her, right? social standards. i know my kid will thank me next time.

of course how she takes it is a different matter la. but on my end i think its my job to be honest. ok im doing my leadership project now and i can't seem to focus thus all these random thghts haha.

ugh i have the worst back ache ever. it even hurts when i rollover in bed. :( quite worried though because only the right side hurts and it may be kidney prob? but having lived in this family for so long you learn that mostly these aches and pains are nothing big. yea like, from young. everytime i dont feel well or whatever my dad has always been like give it a couple of days. and true enough after a couple of days its gone. thats why i don't have the habit of seeing a doctor and kicking up a big fuss when i get injured. but this is by far the most painful back ache i ever had :(

feeling so stressed up now. with my FTT coming up on thursday which i am so unprepared for and projects and exams soon after then graduation and finding a job that i like. while squeezing in driving lessons. and josh's birthday is coming up. my head is about to explode man. dont usually feel this way but really got quite a lot going on now. sigh :(

Gangsta

I think I'm going through menopause. I'm secretly a 50 year old who has a disease that makes me age slowly. My mood swings have been off the charts lately and I have this urge to ask noisy children to shut up while I sit alone with my gerbils.

I can't believe no one knew I was a 50 year old african american all along.

Ok jokes aside, I am seriously whacko. yesterday my mood was so bad that it caused the night to end really badly. stupid siol. aight, not gonna post the details. Think I am super unbearable and grumpy though. >:(

anw had this random thought about people who aspire to be social workers. start from your own home ah. like if you do then good for you but if you don't then what's the point of like, helping people pack their houses when yours is a mess, donating stuff to them when you dont even buy stuff for your own parents right. Not dissing anybody, just really random thoughts.

Aight. Peace.