'Friends who don't bother abt u are not worth ur time and effort either'

my very wise friend said to me. HAHAHA no la, its just jiawen HAHAHAHA.

but yea i have to start rmbing not to fall back against my own words too. everytime i tell myself im not gonna care anymore i feel something inside me that makes me want to.

i hate that. i just end up a fool every single time. honestly i feel mega sad that i have to do this but i guess its about time.

i'm not gonna place blame.

bye, friend!

don't lose your way
with each passing day
you've come so far
don't throw it away

live believing
dreams are for weaving
wonders are waiting to start
live your story
faith hope and glory

souls in the wind
must learn how to bend
seek out a star
hold on till the end

valley, mountain
there is a fountain
washes our tears all away
words are swaying
someone is praying
please let us come home to stay

its too hard. i dont wanna try anymore, im exhausted.

i love you.
but i love myself more.

Old but I will always love this song. There is not one flaw I can pick with this song. And omg, there are only a few singers that give me goosebumps when they sing and Demi Lovato is one of them. I don't like all of her songs but I think she's perfect in this.

omg HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. I HAVE GAINED TEMPORARY FREEDOMMMMMMZ. todays paper was damn easy and even though i know i have a high chance of failing yesterday's paper im just so glad to be able to take a break. hahaha. yea this is what i wanna do with my life. i wanna be a 'take-a-break' manager. hahaha. next paper on 5th november! then i can officially throw away my bookshelves and every single stationery i have.

cant. wait.

oh p.s today in the exam hall i realised i dont know how to spell disseminate. HAHAHAHA i was trying out dissemminate, disemminate, diseminate. ITS JUST ONE OF THE WORDS THAT LOOK WRONG NO MATTER HOW YOU SPELL IT OK.

Singapore child grows up after maid poured acid into his throat
(its a link btw)

Sometimes I feel like we have it so easy. 

Yet we complain non stop about our trivial love lives and not having enough party life or money to buy other trivial things. even though i've had my fair share of unfortunate incidents i still feel guilty when i see how easy these people move on from theirs. Im sure they've had their share of nightmares too but how is it that they are able to inspire others?

I tend to be more inspired by children than by adults. Because they are so innocently strong. they don't act strong because they have other motives in mind - like to impress - they are just so.. innocent.

The people who have it easiest are the people who complain the most.

So I was singing along to like every song on Kiss 92FM (since every song is so old school and awesome) and I was wondering how amazing it was that we can just open our mouths and BAM! a tune pops up and we are able to follow our favourite songs. pretty amazing no? then I started thinking of why some people are tone deaf. I went to read it up and its actually genetically influenced though it can occur from brain damage. ok i admit i laughed a little about the brain damage thing cos i do have friends who are tone deaf and it was just funny to think that they have brain damage WHICH THEY DONT. LOVE ALL OF YOU, my tone deaf friends haha.

Tone deafness is also associated with other musical-specific impairments, such as inability to keep time with music, the lack of or the inability to remember or recognize a song. These disabilities can appear separately but some research shows that they are more likely to appear in tone-deaf people

then i felt abit sad la when i read this cos like music and songs play like a big part in my life and i would love for everyone to be able to enjoy it too. im not talking about professional musicians and shit but like to be able to play one or two of your favourite tunes on the piano or like hearing the instrumental starting of a song and shouting 'ohmygod i love this song!' and stuff. yup i think these are some simple pleasures of life. and although not everyone can enjoy it, im relieved to know that God did give my friends other abilities to make up for it :)

haha! im in such a thankful mood now. FULL OF LOVE, BYE.

WHY VAMPIRE DIARIES SO NICE!?

oh my. everytime i dont blog for like more than 2 days i feel like im very very busy haha. anyway, i ought to be. 2 papers next week! one after another. ugh. hate it when there are no breaks inbetween. and i have an interview tmr! relationship manager. but im probably not going to take it because i rather be a back end financial analyst or wealth manager. im not really into maintaining relationships with people :/ but we'll see how it goes! -crosses fingers-

suddenly its like we can't stand still anymore.

i want a disco boogie party SO badly. just disco music all night long and a lot a lot a lot of fun and clean disco dancing. omg. ahhhh disco lights and some lightly liquored drinks and fruit punch!

I WANT I WANT I WANT A DISCO PARTY.

I think there are worms in my tummy. Yesterday for dinner, i drank a soup and ate baked beefballs and aglio olio spaghetti from pizza hut. then like 2 hours later i 2 slices of pizza that we took away from pizza hut. 3 hours later i ordered pastamania and ate calamari and meatball spaghetti.

today for dinner, i ate spaghetti again, creamy mussels and a large pumpkin soup. then like just 30 mins ago i ordered macs and ate the stupid samurai burger meal.

homg i ate like a shitload of food for the past 2 days. wtf. byebye weeks of starving. why the fuck am i so hungry?!?!?!!?!?!?

money not well spent.

so yesterday before sleeping I asked myself, what should I do. and I decided that if I can't stop all my bad habits I am going to stop most.

so, no more mahj for me. don't ask me anymore k. not because I keep losing (which as you can see doesn't stop me from playing for some reason -_-) but because my parents money is worth more than that. so until I can fund my own games I am not playing anymore.

and I'm gonna go on a saving frenzy next week onwards. need to save for sam's wedding, Christmas gifts, holidays, survival -_-

oh and the people are most guilty and fucked up are the people who try to justify their fucked up actions with excuses and good will. like srsly bitch, no one gives a shit why you're so fucked up.

well! till then.

i just watched Taken 1 and Ratatouille again. omgggggg. i feel true happiness when i see all the rats in ratatouille. then i look at my two babies and feel even more blessed that i am able to see past what other people see in them and love them. ok im not delusional, i know they can't understand me and they can't do anything in real life. trust me i've let my gerbils out before and all they did was run around in circles in my room hahaha.

BUT HOW CUTE ARE THEY OMGZZZZ!?!?!?! love thier furry ass faces and fat bodies!!!! LOVEEEEEEEEE. i want a HUGE GREY MOUSE TOY. one that i can hug to sleep AWWWWWWWW.

oh one more thing. i think people who EXPLICITLY tell the world that their blog is for 'reflection' purposes and then try to squeeze every ounce of depth they have to come up with something that is still shallow, ought to be shot.

sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i had a tight group of girlfriends. like people i can all my bitches. my homies. my chicasss. okay you get the idea. maybe im really not cut out to have girlfriends hahaha. WE ARE TOO DIFFERENT. when i think about talking about foundation and eye shadow and perfume and accesories my mind immediately goes -SNORE-...... i know im gonna regret not learning what are the good brands now and whatever but its like, does it matter -_- i do use make up but i just use whatever i can find? hahahaha. im not brand conscious im more price conscious. like seriously i dont believe that a $120 foundation can make my skin glow with the light of a million fairies. of course im not saying i will use some unknown brand from Mustafa..... i guess drug store brands are fine for me.

i mean instead of a million accessories and make up products i rather have a damn nice room. like with a bean bag chair. and an awesome closet (which i will later fill with clothes hahahahaha), and and NO STUDY TABLES/LAMPS, BOOKSHELVES AND BOOKS. i swear after i graduate im gonna throw out all my tables and shelves and book shelves. green walls. AWWW. so pretty!! a nice dressing table! sconces. omg so pretty. its my only motivation to graduate hahaha. yup. if my room is this nice i would hardly need to leave my house hahaha.

okay back to studying! 

hola! mood has been pretty upbeat. maybe cos its a new week and i finally have money hahahahaha. or maybe its because i got my room lights back! i dont know. i guess when all your friends are the type of people who just move on from their problems you learn to move on too. its true though, there's no point dwelling. sometimes life will throw you into a world of hell for awhile but if you look for it, there will always be something to look forward to ahead! i guess i have decided to be the type of person that doesn't dwell on her unfortunate mistakes or whatever. yep.

cheers to moving forward!

how has your day been! mine has been fantastic!

so yesterday we went to play L4D after like 6 months, literally. and it was just so hilarious cos the computers were lagging like crazy so everytime we ran forward, in a blink of an eye we would be right where we started running from. HAHAHA. and when we threw a molotov (for non gamers, its like a jar of oil which sets everything on fire) we would go back in time and the molotov would be in our hands again HAHAHA. okay not that funny if you don't play games.

anyway josh bought me a lantern so we went to ECP to carry it! hahaha. JJ is mad funny. and both of them refused to walk beside me because they were super embarrassed to be playing w lanterns. hahaha. then JJ insisted on setting my lantern on fire -_-

picked geok up and headed to mlysia for vvvvvvvv late dinner. omgawd the food is like fucking good i must say. and pretty cheap! 30$SGD per person for like a feast of seafood and stuff. yumz.

I NEED A GETAWAY SO BADLY. just sitting on a patio and looking into the sunset w awesome music playing. sigh my dream. SOON. AFTER I CONQUER MY EXAMS. final sem whoohoo!!

omg and adriens coming back to singapore soon and he's attending sams wedding! super excited haha. gonna be a blast. gonna head out and parteh after her wedding!

ok! loves!

im graduating soon and people keep asking me what im going to do with my life after that. i always say 'i dont know' and they'll go on and lecture me about how i should have a goal in life. SO, just because i don't wanna talk about it doesn't mean i don't have one.

unless you are damn close to me i dont think you have the right to lecture me on anything. let alone lecture me on the future which has yet to come -_- because you don't know all the facts and what you say is just going to piss me off. and because i am so bad at confrontations i probably wont bother to tell you off or clear my name anyway. i'll just cleanse.

when i think about how phony the world is, i am truly glad i have josh. cos when shit happens i dont have to hide facts from him, i tell him the exact things that happen and he's super impartial. he doesnt try to say nice things to make me feel better if its clearly my fault. this is called reality. and since i dont like people who hide behind the truth, im glad my bf is like me. :) 

the drought is over.

hi! i'm always in a better mood when october comes. because my birthday's just round the corner haha! every year, even when i do not have a bf, i dream of some big and sweet surprise. i know its crazy but im just so excited everytime my birthday's coming up haha! well i don't know whats coming up but i DO know that i will be studying on the night of my birthday. its SO WILD.

sense the tone.

anyway. i am no longer in the red for my attendance thanks to geok and her very.. persuasive and manipulative lies. im kidding. but she does come up with the best excuses. damnnn girl.

i'm so excited for november. its going to kick this month's ass. my birthday's coming, josh is gonna ORD, my exams will over on 5th, part time job maybe, holidays! ok i am in such an upbeat mood i think there is a problem with me. hahahahahahaha ok i am fine by the way. hahahahaha LOVE.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness."