Hi there.

My black gerbil had some red liquid in his eyes today and I thought it was blood. Even though I read on the internet that gerbil tears are red and that its probably irritated with something in its environment my heart still ached. I stopped whatever I was doing and cleaned their cage but its still tearing. I'll go to the vet tomorrow if it doesn't stop. Sigh. I tried to wipe its tears away and it really freaked me out when the whole tissue was red. Super upset.

On top of that, I've been feeling pretty bummed out because I applied for several banks and got rejected by 2 already. Please don't ask me about it; I probably won't want to talk about it. Now I know why I was told to work hard when I was young. Another sigh. We all have big dreams but I don't think I'm going to be able to live mine. Everyone is on the road to success and I can't seem to start my engine.

I looked at other options. Like being a copywriter or going into marketing/HR. It scared me - how little I knew about the industries. How ill-prepared I was to take this step into society. You're probably thinking 'Whiny bitch, if you don't know something then go read up.' Well firstly, you're a bitch too. And I did try but financial industries and world news just doesn't pique my interest at all. I think I'm only feeling so shitty because I feel like I am stuck with doing finance, which I hate through and through. I can't seem to find the requirements for other jobs though. Singapore is so focused on the financial/banking industry that anything remotely related to Arts just doesn't cut it. I AM GOING CRAZY. AND MY PARENTS ARE NOT GIVING ME A BREAK EITHER. It's been like, a week since I ended my exams? Its not their fault that they are so clueless about what I'm feeling though. Maybe one day I'll actually feel like they care enough to listen to my opinions and insecurities instead of blindly pushing me to find a job. Then I'll tell them.

Feeling really irritated lately. I think its due to my inferiority complex. So I feel the need to assert my 'authority' over anyone that I am able to do so. Not feeling any better though. I still feel like the whole world owes me something. I don't know where to begin to start feeling better and its starting to annoy everyone around me. Seriously, its for the better that I'm alone.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY jie and liangyu.