A breather.

I really regret not doing anything useful when I had the time to. Now I stay in the office till 7 plus everyday and when the weekends come, all I wanna do is sleep. I can't help but feel like I'm wasting and have wasted my youth away. I heard this tends to happen when you hate your job haha. 

I really want to have a short getaway at the end of the year to get away from all this shit. So I'm going to save so hard from today. No usage of cards unless I absolutely need to! I just wanna disappear in another country and be by myself for awhile. 

Where are all my friends anyway? It's not that I need anyone urgently since I always manage to pick myself up but it would be nice to know that the people I have so much faith in actually gave a shit about how I'm getting along. Now I know why people prioritize their boyfriends over friends. In the long run you're going to lose both anyway. Silly me.

Right. 

Rebirth

It's the end of the storm with just drizzles left. While I stand and feel the light patter on my face, I feel a weight being lifted off me. I see the shadows follow the dark clouds into another dimension. A dimension that isn't mine to explore.

All the screaming, fighting, disagreements will follow the shadows. But the pain will remain. Hopefully with what remaining drizzles there are, it will all pass.

Tonight the drizzling will stop. And tomorrow will be sunny once again. because no one likes to be under black clouds. 

So for myself, tomorrow I'll be born again. 

Just tonight.

Tonight I feel awful.

I have never felt more alone in my life. I am so tired of crying. My heart cannot take anymore aching. I don't know how many people I have to lose before I truly understand the meaning of 'You never miss the water till it's gone'.

What is this that I am feeling? It's not guilt nor regret, it's literal heartache. I know that I am stronger than this but a part of me doesn't want to be. This part of me at this point of time just wants to wallow in self pity and ignore the world for a little while. The whole world but you.

Are you thinking of me too?
Are you missing me like I am missing you?