There are bigger problems in the world than yours and mine.

Don't give up on me.

Opened my eyes, it was only just a dream.

Today's topic is 'Best Female Friend' aka BFF. (inspired by Xiaxue's latest video on clicknetwork)

I guess a lot of you have like a BFF that you share your dirty secrets with, your fashion sense, your  daily experiences and stuff. But sad to say I don't have one. hahaha. I used to have a lot of friends. Like, not boasting, but seriously, a lot. And I always thought of Cheryl as my BFF cos we used to be BFF until we went to different schools and everything. So obviously she can't be counted as my BFF cos we don't even know what's going on in each other's lives. I know there's a saying that best friends don't have to meet everyday and even if they meet after 10000 years they always know what to say and it will never be awkward. that's bullshit I tell you. how can someone be considered your best friend if you don't meet for 10000 years and you guys don't bother to update each other on what's new in your life right?

So anyway, I don't know what happened to all my friends hahaha. I guess life got in the way and nobody really cares about having someone there to talk to anymore. That, or everyone has got their other half to depend on. it's not the same though. like you can't possibly tell your boyfriend about how bad your cramps hurt, or how you think this girl is a bitch or blahblah. cos guys like to solve problems. and they will give you a solution and if you don't take it they will get annoyed. but us chicas just bitch about it together then forget about it. I'm missing that outlet nowadays.

I guess because I am such a vampire, I really don't feel like meeting anyone in the day. and as such I ended up losing half of my friends. And even if we meet up we don't really do anything constructive? so I don't really have much memories of hanging out with my girl friends. I miss just hanging out in school, or going to the nearest mall to eat, class gatherings and such. Nowadays everyone is so busy they only have like 1 hour to meet you for a meal and then its byebye. Seriously I rather not waste my make up and time. These are not the kind of memories I wanna keep or can actually remember.

I always think, whose gonna be my maid of honor when I get married? Geez, I don't have any BFFs to ask. Am I gonna get married in a room full of acquaintances?

On top of this, there are just so many things that make your life better than mine. hahaha.

Speechless

I've given up. I never thought this day would come. I thought I had all the patience in the world to try and try again.

It's funny how we love people who completely don't complement us. I thought I was smarter than this. I let down everyone who ever cared about me. I know I deserve better but I can't pull myself away. I don't even know what's keeping me from letting go. I know its feelings but I refuse to believe that I would be so stupid as to love something that hurts me. I feel like such a hypocrite when I chide my friends who confide in me about their relationships. I always seem to have it all together. I seem calm and collected all the time. Does anybody see me screaming?

This love is irrational. And the damage is irreversible.



And I know that it's complicated 
But I'm a loser in love 
So baby raise a glass to mend 
All the broken hearts 
Of all my wrecked up friends

I'm such a failure. I can't get a job. I tried my best. Still trying. Still hoping. I'm such a failure.

today, i forgot that i was someone unpleasant and undeserving of any love. 

not even a fucking hello.