im officially love sick. i think singapore should be one of those countries where its so safe we don't even need NS men to protect our country. naw, im just saying that. ughhghhghghghghghghghghgghhhhhhhhh. i miss joshua. sad face.

just came home from hejun's party. happy 21st hejun!! makes me wonder about my 21st. one thing for sure i'm not even gonna bother inviting some no-show people. and i so dont want it to be awkward cos i knowwwww how that feels. hm, just rly close friends i guess. thank god all my friends are sociable and pretty much know each other. phew.

anyway so joshua and i had a debate about whether we would throw away our ex's stuff. i stood by no and he stood by yes. simply put, i would never throw away my memories. you wouldnt, no? but he thinks that if i read the letters and see the stuff that my ex gave me i would compare this r/s to that and pick on the little things. its not like that for me. i'm not talking about extreme situations like the room still being filled with the ex's stuff cos they used to stay over or whatever. that one must throw. im talking about stuff that they gave you.

i personally wouldn't wanna know that my ex threw away stuff that i gave them. cos hell, i spent a shitload of money and effort on whatever it is that i gave you. vice versa i would treasure everything they gave me even if we broke up already. its not a symbol of love, its a symbol of gratefulness. so i would never understand couples who expect their new partners to throw away stuff that their ex's gave them. i told joshua that even if we are getting married, only MAYBE, would i throw away stuff my ex's gave me.

there are so many aspects. like im a very sentimental person. and so much has changed. every little thing that could remind me of what was, i would keep. EVEN IF they are bad memories. im not gonna say its so that i would be thankful of how happy i am now. thats like bullshit reasoning. but they are my past and i would like to keep every single thing that helps me capture my memories.

having said that, i wonder if i would do the same for my partner or if i would request for them to throw away stuff........ haha double standard much.

anyway. life has been treating me well. pretty much i guess. i'm slowly recovering from my unfortunate incident. and i'm just moving on from it. if i told you about it it means that i really do trust you even though we've drifted but you used to be my pillars of strengths so yea.

damn it dont even get me started on why i've drifted from my friends. i feel like im just lamenting and lamenting. but rly v shitty what. sigh, let me try and be thankful for some things.

1: -
..........nope couldn't think of anything. SERIOUSLY.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

went out with jon and joyce today (: sang kbox then played l4d for awhile. after that joyce left and jon and i went to bedok to eat KFC. while on the cab to bedok i was wishing aloud that there would be a car to send me home after i eat. haha voila! when i was eating halfway joshua came into KFC. i had no idea he would come because i thought he would stay in camp though its his nights out day. but yay! haha i was rly surprised and happy to see you baby (: i'm lucky to have you joshua.

the funny thing is, I said u didn't care anymore for the attention but I think you meant it when you said I didn't care anymore which sucks obviously. but oh well.

you know what? i have been trying to phrase and rephrase my blogpost so that it does not seem too emotional or whatever but nothing sounds right to me. you might think this is another of my 'emo moments' where i just reflect and get into this pensive mood and sound all yada yada yada about life and shit. but this is real. i refuse to admit that its real but it is. and i can't live in denial forever because thats not feasible. i wouldnt say its karma. that would be cruel. sigh. i can't. i can't say what im feeling its too hard. so there.

haha okay have been MIA for sometime. eh i had so many great ideas about how to use the money given to me by the government but i dont know why it has reduced to a pile of nothing. omg how to save money for the future?

anyway isnt it weird how once you reply a persons sms you feel like the onus isn't on you anymore to do anything? and how people can get angry if you didnt reply them YET when they are the once who reply you after a long time all they do is say sorry and expect it to be over. i guess you have to be more understanding towards those kinda people or there will be no friends left on earth.

anyway what a joke. yesterday i had HMT exam but i brought my finance notes as well because i thought we were studying after paper but turns out we were too tired. so i put all my finance notes in geoks backpack cos its like bloody heavy. then after paper we happily went to eat and went home to sleep. AND I HAVE FINANCE PAPER TMR HAHAHAHA OMG HOW STUPID CAN I GET. so i dont know what im gonna do in the meantime w/o my notes hahaha.

DATE A GIRL WHO READS
by Rosemarie Urquico
(In response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date an Illiterate Girl)

_____

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.