Ain't no other man

I wish that one day, I am able to give back the same amount of love joshy showers me with. There is no one else who will give in to my constant whining and wants just to make sure that I am happy. There is no one else who accepts me 100% for who I am, all my bad habits included. There is no one else I can truly be myself around. There is no one else who will put my happiness before his. There is no one else who will go all out of his way to try and put a smile on my face. Although you may be tired of the rejections and the unsatisfactory outcome of your efforts I wanna let you know that I do remember them and I am thankful for it every single day. We've made our mistakes but we've pushed through them together and I may zone out when you talk about army and you may not get what I am trying to tell you sometimes but we will always be the ones who make each other smile after a bad day.

If I am gone, someday, my dear babypie, please don't be sad. I would still love you with every bit of myself because I cannot imagine a day where you are not the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I say good night to. I love you!

HELLO! :)

Had a really productive studying session at macs just now. I love these study sessions where we talk cock yet finish studying. so I think I'll feel pretty sad when we graduate and no longer come together for 'studying at macs' as I would call it. Had macs breakfast. haven't had it in ages so it tasted extra good. whoo. quite high now. I'm always high when I haven't slept the whole night. it's the best time to meet me. Hahaha.

when i was younger i used to detest people who say that they have not studied for a test when in fact they have. but now that i am older i find that i am guilty of the same thing. well maybe not exactly the same. the way people know that you're lying about not studying is from your grades right?I mean I may have sat down and flipped my notes but that's not considered studying what. I would still fail if I went for an exam now. That's why even if I flipped my notes I wouldn't tell people that I studied cos I don't want them to think that I did when the fact is that I didn't. and if I do really badly they won't think I'm dumb right hahaha. Of course there are always people who genuinely flip their notes and score really well... bastards. hahaha.

Okay yes need to calm self and sleep. BYEEEEEEE BYEEEEEEE BYEEEE

I really wanna go overseas. Bangkok is fine. will someone please go bangkok with me :/

i failed terribly at studying at home. i watched Gossip girl, Nikita and the Movie 'Ai' which is Love in chinese. loved it by the way. and well, last but not least, changed my blogskin. after ten thousand years. im surprised i still remember how to do HTML. score.

well. gonna cook a maggie mee now. i dont care if i have kidney/liver failure or whatever. for the moment at least. sad people need to eat.

not a 'I know what you did last summer' moment.

i think its the time of the night where hormones in charge of sadness like to come alive. the brain cooperates and thinks of every single sad event possible. right now its fixated on a death anniversary. ughhhghughugGGGHGHGUUUUUUUUGHHGHHHHHHHHH.

i shouldn't have.

hello! im gonna make this a quick one. cos i have to prepare to meet joshy and im gonna study later. okay there are alot of old pictures and new pictures here haha. The first is from 2 weeks ago when I met jiawen to take photos and from meeting SIM people after that.

And then yst i went to help jiawen again but I was late and blah the whole day was like quite shitty and awkward to me and I Cldnt be myself. haha. anyway take a look at the preview picture ya. and check out the collection! We went to Fullerton to take pictures w a girl called Lidia haha. think it was her first time cos she was pretty stiff but better towards the end! Was pretty fun shoot but I'm quite disappointed w the photos ah. like wasn't at its best.

Went to Starbucks to study after that while jiawen did her pictures. Ate beef pie and bought a drink. HELL expensive :( stayed there till like 11 plus then headed home. Decided to go he ji bao for supper hehe. the wan tan mee was surprisingly good man.

Yup that's about it!

 

hello! i think its safe to say i made use of all the time i had today. haven't had such a hectic schedule in years. went back to scraplicious today cos madeline went back to get some stuff. i love how childish she is cos pea wont play with me HAHAHA. anyway we all ate duck rice that pea said was nice and then after taking tons of pictures mad and i left.

went to gertrude jiejie's place for dinner. claypot rice ftw! they have the best food i swear. played with the kids then went to meet yanda in town. being the very loving godsister that i am i treated him to dinner and starbucks HAHA.

everything with fries

talked alot about life and shit. then he wanted to walk home so i walked with him to fareast (from cuppage). like whuuuuuutt.. haha. yea i almost died walking but whats new. i swear people kept staring cos they probably thought he was my boyfriend or i was his sugar mom or something. i HAVE to stop hanging out with people who are younger than me. my bro's 18, madeline's 17. yea go figure haha.

was supposed to study tonight but shit cropped up as usual. can you really blame me for being so vulgar and foul tempered seriously? anyway i just realised a lot of mean words rhyme. like bitch, witch, snitch, ditch.. haha random. i like being straight forward. sometimes people just need to hear it. i'm not judging them by telling them what they are, its more of IMO kinda thing. take it or leave it luh.

meeting jiawen for her photoshoot tomorrow hehe good night.

 

xoxo, cherryl

Just another Sunday.

hello! i went to work today in the morning. I swear I have nv been so disciplined in my life. Like turning up for work albeit always a little late BUT better late than never right?

anyway baby overslept so I surprised him at his house instead :) was so tired I just fell asleep -_- ordered pizza hit! And watched catch me if you can. Ya ya I know it's an old show but I haven't seen it! couldn't watch finish though:( baby had to go back to army.

Anyway hahaha! The game below damn cute!!!!! It's called 'Smack Gugl'. hahaha.

I'm so tired but I don't wanna sleep hahaha. exams are in 8 days :( I'm so tired I dont feel like studying also :( aiyarrrr :(

Okay bye!

good morning world.

friends of mine would be wondering why I'm up at this time. yes youre right I haven't slept haha. Was studying at macs. I find it consoling to sit there with my notes even though the rate we absorb is like negative hundred. It's a start. and the company is the best :)

I will be stopping work for a week to study. And probably the first week of may too. can practically hear the money flying away.

gonna clean the house tmr and surprise my parents with a clean house when they return :) okay but for now I really need to sleep cos my head hurts like hell. I think there's something growing in there. The pain has been more frequent these days. I mean I don't wanna sound like a hypochondriac or anything but you never know? Maybe that's what I need to make a change in my life. give me that little nudge I need.

I would like to think that sometimes people pick quarrels with someone so that it's easier to be apart from them when it's really necessary. but I think it's just another one of my dumb theories. cos humans are so selfish that everything done is for their self interest.

Ahhhhhhhhh head pain. Kkkkkk bye

hey all!

hehe wear white day at work. Picture below. hahaha. It was supposed to be once a week but now it's like every other day if we are in the mood hahaha.

still brooding over my legs. Felt especially sad when my colleague asked, no, she exclaimed 'what happened to your leg?!?!' bummer. :( I thought the silence spoke for itself.

I know I shouldn't be counting down but it's the anniversary of something really sad that happened last year coming up soon. I guess girls tend to remember the details. Joshua if you have to ask me what this is I will have to kill you.

Gahhhh :( nothing great has happened so far that makes me wanna thank god I'm alive. Nothing is enough to overwhelm these feelings of anguish. I do hope someday I become someone who instead of bringing people down, can be someone who makes people wanna live their life. I have to get out and have a life first, duh.

I have to stop thinking so much before I sleep. cos I always stay awake for like damn long. OK I SHALL GO INTO ZEN/NO THINKING mode now :)

I was watching a bluebottle yesterday. In an effort to escape the living room, he kept flying against the window, hitting his head against the glass over and over. Then he stopped launching himself at it like a missile and stuck to one little windowpane, buzzing about like he was having a panic attack. It was frustrating to watch, especially because if he'd just flown up a little bit higher towards the top of the window, he'd have been free. But he just kept doing the same thing over and over again. I could imagine his frustration of being able to see the trees, the flowers, the sky, yet not being able to get to them. I tried to help him a few times, to guide him towards the open window, but he flew away from me around the room. He'd eventually come back to the same window and I could almost hear him: "Well, this is the way I came in..."

I wonder if my watching him from the armchair is what it's like to be God, if there is a God. He sits back and sees the big picture, just as I could see that if the bluebottle just moved up the window to the top, then he'd be free. He wasn't really trapped at all, he was just looking in the wrong place. I wonder if God can see a way out for me and mum. That idea brings me comfort. Well, it did, until I left the room and returned a few hours later to find a dead bluebottle on the windowsill. It may not have been him but still... Then to show you where my mind is right now, I started crying...

Then I got mad at God because in my head the death of the bluebottle meant mum and I might never find our way out of this mess. What good is it being so far back you can see everything and yet not doing anything to help?

Then I realised that I was the God on this occasion. I had tried to help the bluebottle, but it wouldn't let me. And then i felt sorry for God because i understood his frustration. Sometimes when people offer a helping hand, it gets pushed away. People always want to help themselves first.

-Cecelia Ahern, The Book of Tomorrow

heyho !
it was maxidress day at work today. 

 

 joshy came to pick me up after work :) sometimes i think i can't take it anymore that he's in army all the time. i mean, where the hell is my boyfriend when i need him?! but everytime i see him again i know its all worth it. anyway its only 7 more months. i can wait 7 more months.... 

the following picture is not for the weak ! this is how my leg looks like now.

its so awful :( i really hope it goes away soon otherwise i will just start hating my body more than i already do.

some pictures of me hahaha. how often does that happen.

been feeling kinda down lately. i know these feelings strike once in awhile but i used to be able to figure out whats wrong but not this time. maybe its the upcoming exams which i have yet to prepare for, maybe its my job.. i dont know. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGUHGUGHUGHGUGHGUHGUGHUGHGGGGGG.

meaningless post. bye :(

Had quite the day today. I think my luck has been really down lately. I wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow I get robbed on the way home or if a bus runs over me. The problem with bad luck is that it doesn't go away unless something drastic happens again to change the cycle. And nothing drastic is going to happen to me for awhile now.

WELL.. went to work as usual. late as usual. I actually have new found respect for my boss for not firing me . I do sometimes think about quitting because I feel so bad that I can't do anything to change. I'm mad serious. It's like an illness I can never be on time for anything.

Anyway, met jiawen after that. On the way there I bumped into some weird people as usual. I always do when I leave work at 4-5pm. This student sat next to me in the bus and started saying 'you can't count water, cos water SO MUCH!' and he just kept saying 'SO MUCH!' it was really weird. Then I accidentally bumped into a blind guy and he walked into a chair. like what the hell I'm so sorry.

Went to eat chargrill with jiawen then we decided to do facial. So as you can guess, no pictures cos I forgot to take a picture before facial and who the hell takes a picture after?! Oh went to see a doctor for my leg also. For those who don't know, they are really badly bitten. Like really. And it was starting to spread so I was kinda worried. Anyway, the doctor says its eczema so fuck my life. Cos who gets eczema at this age right. jiawen says I'm allergic to something in the grass which is like HAHAHAHA soil ah. HAHAHA she v funny.

:( I don't wanna have eczema :( My parents will probably link link link and attribute it back to how messy and dirty my room is HAHAHA. speaking of which, I am so broke -_- I thought I was doing well until I activated my stupid debit cards and bought a shitload of stuff online. yay me.....

Okay gonna bathe and study. BYEEEE.

So today was a pretty bad day. Trying hard to count my blessings but it's a tad hard with all the shit that's been going on.

I hate having scars from whatever. And right now my legs look abysmal. Shoes can't even cover the scars. :( I have legs only joshy would love. Haaaaaah.

Have been feeling under the weather. But I always do when exams are coming. :/ Feeling better already though my throat really hurts. Sore throats are the worst cos you can't eat -_- at least IMO.

Almost forgot I had to work tomorrow cos it wasn't on the schedule but I made a swap w yizhen. thank god she reminded me about it.

I hate quarreling with anybody. When the anger dies down I just feel like I was mean (which I probably was) and then I have this urge to apologise and let people step all over me again. It's an illness. I actually can't stand it when people are mad at me. Keeps me up all night so if any of you ever wanna irritate the hell out of me or just watch me shrivel and die in a pool of guilt, please do just ignore me when I'm mad at you.

Random but I just wanted to feel like I was having a conversation. Yes, very sad okay bye.

Freedom isn't always what I thought it would feel like. I think I subconsciously like my mother to be busy around the house and nag and my dad to just be cracking jokes here and there. I miss coming home even more when the house is empty. Like this need to fill it up temporarily.

Hi y'all :)

Firstly, happy 15 mths baby! although you are always in army on our anniversaries hahaha still love you.

been quite the fruitful day for me. Only cos it was so packed w events and not cos I was actually doing something productive for myself like studying.

Met jiawen in the morning. Like rly early morning. I probably felt bad for psing her so many times we agreed to go to the gym and what not that my conscience woke me up. Hahaha. Long story short, it rained, cabbed to town, ate, went fort canning after rain stopped, battled w a thousand mosquitoes, the humidity and whatnot, and got her photoshoot done. although we met rly early we only ended at like 6, just in time for me to grab a drink and meet the SIM people next. hahaha it was fun bitch, don't have to feel bad k.

met sam fandy and yixiang in town. Ate ippudo ramen for dinner. Super overpriced ramen for average taste in my opinion. Went to coffee club after that to just chill. I love meeting up w them. Just super nonsense and verbal bitch slapping all the way hahaha. Went home. met geok to chill and just reached home.

okay I'm using blogger app so I'm just gonna be like pea and spam all the photos below in random order hahaha.

Anyway I was wearing long pants today so all my Mosquito bites are concentrated at my ankles and toes and it's rly hideous like I have some disease. Not feeling too well either, head hurts and my feet feel super heavy. Maybe it's psychological? Anyway I'm off to bed. Work tmr!

Just caught The Vow on Funshion and i think its a really stupid predictable movie. i don't even know how people cry to that movie. im not being a cynic here, i am a sucker for sappy love movies. and it usually doesnt take much for me to cry but that movie did nothing for me. disappointed in the whole story line. especially the part where her dad had an affair. i was like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. ughhhh. seriously? and the way she decided to get to know Leo again was just PLAIN DUMB AND ABRUPT. i could go on for days.

Holler y'all ! Quick updates: 1: upset that mad and lefa are no longer gonna be working :/ which makes weekends even more unbearable. cos like I can still stick to pea and irritate the hell outta her on weekdays hehe 2: I think I'm actually doing a great job with my salary this month cos I still have like 3/4 left which is good compared to close to zero around this time last month 3: exams are in half a month and I have yet to even flip through my notes, FOR THE FIRST TIME. That's about it. That's what my life has been about. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm going to regret not making a mark at any one point of my life but like diets, I have zero motivation.

lately I've been thinking what people actually do when they feel like they are stuck in a rut and crave something new. some say they find meaning out of where they are and so far no one has told me that they would get up and make a change. Though, that's the very first thing I thought.

I guess if a sudden change was made we would end up craving for our routine again. sometimes people don't realize that they are just afraid that they can't get something better than what they have now and they end up thinking they are happy anyway. Cos it's the safest bet. It's like, okay it's not perfect but I guess good is enough. I don't aim to have a perfect life; but I do wish certain aspects in my life were. Isn't that what keeps you going? If everything in your life is just good then what the hell are you living for?

The art of getting by

I have had this whole day to myself. with the grace of joshy I managed to almost spend the entire day without talking to anyone and just think about what has been going on.

Ive watched shows that are supposed to give you an alternative outlook to life. 'The art of getting by' taught me that we all think that life is meaningless sometimes. If the end point is death, why try? Which made a lot of sense to me before I knew where the movie was headed. We just have to find meaning to carry on. for the people we love. Even if what we are doing seems meaningless to us, the happiness of the people we love accounts for everything else.

Then I watched 'Eat pray love' which I know I am a little slow in catching but it taught me just as much and just when I needed it. It made me wonder though, if that's just all we need in life. Comfort food, a prayer to calm ourselves now and then and someone to love. in my opinion Julia Roberts wasn't that screwed up in the first place so it must not have taken her a lot to find peace.

I really liked both shows though, because both taught me to be brave when it comes to love and hurt is inevitable. I especially love the part in 'Eat pray love' where she talks about the ruins in Rome. but I guess that's incomplete and I have to read the book to get greater understanding of what Elizabeth Gilbert really wanted to bring across to her readers.

But that's that. for now I'll just go back to what i know best.

I'm a horrible horrible person.

I think I need some time alone. Doesn't everyone?