hahaha i just went to scroll through my previous blogposts cos i was looking for one of my old friend's birthdays and i couldn't help but smile at the past me. can you believe i am equally angsty as i was 4-5 years ago hahaha. seriously i haven't changed at all man. im still upfront about what i dont like and can't stand. but maybe as we grow older our opinions become more obsolete. even if we don't like stuff we still have to suck it up and go with the flow huh. thats what i learnt recently. ok super random post. hahaha HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DILYS JIANG IM SO SORRY! :)

I might just start crying any moment now. my cramps are soooo painful this month ugh. every single cramp is like someone stabbing my uterus with a knife.

anyway on a happier note, God answered my vvvvv urgent prayer :) so I shall be vvvv grateful and keep my promise to him. Im not gonna lie, my promise is gonna take A LOT of effort to deliver. For me at least.

See, the problem with sleeping at 8pm cos of my cramps is that I will wake up at this kind of timing and not know wht to do. :/

I am not easily amused. Seriously. And I hate to have to give a patronizing smile. i don't feel bad for you I feel bad for myself so please don't make me do it.

I dont even know why people think I'm amiable leh. are you freaking kidding me.

DAMN RUDE TAXI UNCLE

OMG. MET WITH THE MOST UNREASONABLE TAXI UNCLE EVER.

So we were at a cross junction and usually straight is the shorter way to my house but you can turn right to the highway too. so I was talking with geok and suddenly I realized he was in the lane turning right. so I casually said,

"uncle 要直走"

And after awkwardly switching lanes that fucker was like

"前面赛车你要直走ok lor"

And I usually don't give a fuck because like taxi uncle what. BUT I REALLY NEVER SEE THE JAM IN FRONT WHAT. HE WAS BEHIND A BIG RED CAR AND HE COULD HAVE ADVICE ME THAT THERE'S A JAM RIGHT. HELLO, IM TALKING TO MY FRIEND LEH YOU THINK IM LOOKING AT THE ROAD. IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT THE ROAD WHEN I SIT IN A TAXI ARBO I GO AND DRIVE SUA.

Then he continued,
"我敢时间,你看到要塞车还要进来，好玩啦?"

WHAT THE FUCK? I usually don't say anything but this is too what the fuck seriously. so I said,
"uncle. 我没有看到那个jam ok"

He went on about how it's right in front of my eyes and I was like "你驾车的你当然看的到啦!!!!" spoken like a true ah lian in chinese.

And seriously it was only a jam cos of an accident for like 200 meters max and it was all clear in front. NOT LIKE HE DRIVE ANY FASTER LEH WITHOUT THE JAM. knn. Damn angry.

WORST THING, He let geok off after the highway which is damn out of the way and quite a distance to her house because apparently they had an argument too. what the fuck?

would you want your mom to be honest with you if you were fat or growing fatter? i would. and im going to be one of those moms who would tell my kid they are fat too. like how hypocritical am i gonna be if i watch my diet like a hawk next time but to my daughter whose social life is at risk, i just tell her she's beautiful the way she is and keep feeding her, right? social standards. i know my kid will thank me next time.

of course how she takes it is a different matter la. but on my end i think its my job to be honest. ok im doing my leadership project now and i can't seem to focus thus all these random thghts haha.

ugh i have the worst back ache ever. it even hurts when i rollover in bed. :( quite worried though because only the right side hurts and it may be kidney prob? but having lived in this family for so long you learn that mostly these aches and pains are nothing big. yea like, from young. everytime i dont feel well or whatever my dad has always been like give it a couple of days. and true enough after a couple of days its gone. thats why i don't have the habit of seeing a doctor and kicking up a big fuss when i get injured. but this is by far the most painful back ache i ever had :(

feeling so stressed up now. with my FTT coming up on thursday which i am so unprepared for and projects and exams soon after then graduation and finding a job that i like. while squeezing in driving lessons. and josh's birthday is coming up. my head is about to explode man. dont usually feel this way but really got quite a lot going on now. sigh :(

Gangsta

I think I'm going through menopause. I'm secretly a 50 year old who has a disease that makes me age slowly. My mood swings have been off the charts lately and I have this urge to ask noisy children to shut up while I sit alone with my gerbils.

I can't believe no one knew I was a 50 year old african american all along.

Ok jokes aside, I am seriously whacko. yesterday my mood was so bad that it caused the night to end really badly. stupid siol. aight, not gonna post the details. Think I am super unbearable and grumpy though. >:(

anw had this random thought about people who aspire to be social workers. start from your own home ah. like if you do then good for you but if you don't then what's the point of like, helping people pack their houses when yours is a mess, donating stuff to them when you dont even buy stuff for your own parents right. Not dissing anybody, just really random thoughts.

Aight. Peace.

today was one of the days i got off my ass and did something. yay. went to meet cheryl and sheryl! we're such a cute trio really. met for a simple dinner. went to blujaz cafe and then we bought apple strudel and sat and talked. it was only until now that i realised we didn't take a picture. haha wtf right. nevermind!

anyway i was on facebook (as were you) hahaha. and i saw this anti-smoking video. maybe its just me but i believe that choices have always been ours to make. and i mean ours only. im not gonna be like those people who always ACT until damn poor thing like they wanna quit but can't and expect people to talk them out of it. please lor. thats more pathetic than people who scold people for smoking. please be more mature leh. doesnt mean you don't like something and you're against it means you can scold people who like it right. gosh. im not even talking about those casual comments like 'wah you smoke a lot already hor later then smoke la' or 'cut down la'. im referring to those who give you life lessons and then start pinpointing everything like how you can spend your money on better things and what not. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD LEH SERIOUSLY. how about you stand at the casino doors and talk to everyone whose wasting their money and life away.

of course. people who do something bad and urge their friends to do it too is a different story. but here i am minding my own ass business and people just have to talk to me like they are trying to save me. I'M 22 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. do you not think that i know every shit that you are telling me? im grateful for your concern but like i said, for me personally, its my choice and i will never make choices based on people influencing me. so go talk to someone else PLEASE thank you.

find some people very funny also. against smokers but they shisha? -pause for effect- that's like comparing sky diving and bungee jumping can? see which way is a faster way to die only what. just because shisha doesn't make your breath smell like tobacco doesnt mean its not harmful too. actually i dont know if shisha makes your breath smell like tobacco or not because i have not tried it in my life. choices. you might as well just stay home and not smell the exhaust from the cars.

so my point is. my life my choice. and everything in moderation. and please dont have the cheek to give me life lessons if youre just as screwed up as, well, not me. anyway. if from all that you derived that i am very childish and i dont care about my life then go ahead. like i said, its all up to fate. i wish you a long and healthy life ahead of you.

im so proud of myself really. i've been talking to like the biggest idiots on earth and instead of justifying myself like i always had to, i just put on my heck care shoes and left it. its really like those damn annoying conversations where they tell you things you obviously know. so i just said okay or i changed the topic haha! thats new for me :/

school tomorrow, again... and FTT's next week. starting to feel nervous cos its like next week and im so not prepared for it. :( fingers crossed! i am having the most annoying stomach ache ever. ugh. you know how it is. everytime you go to the toilet its gone but when you're out it wants to play. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwifhowefiwe.

HAHA my gerbils are damn cute btw. everytime i accidentally make a noise that scares them they start running really fast on their wheel as if their running away. alright. watching Good luck Charlie now. gonna continue. bye!

everytime i shop online its like having an internal war with myself hahaha. i choose and choose then go to the checkout area then i think of the other things i can do with the money and then i exit. then i go back and choose choose choose again, and the whole process repeats. ughhhhshfhueisafe. all i want for christmas is a hell load of money -_-

hahahahhahahahahaha okay i have a new approach to life. just have a fuck care attitude. oh and listen to myself hahaha i like to tell people the past cannot be changed so i'll listen to myself and live with it. OKAY. go!

not in the best of moods tonight. dont even know where to begin. and i tried to shake it off and smile to myself cos when i was younger people always tell me that when you smile to yourself then you will just gradually feel happier. bitch please. hahahahaha. the more i smile the more i feel the tears coming. ughhhhhhhh.

Day before school reopened

omg I still can't believe I have school tomorrow. seems like yesterday I just got my results and all. anyway!

Checklist:
1. Get a pen for class -_-
2. Get a file to put my notes ._.

Yup I think that's all I need hahaha


So I spent the day w josh since he went to mlysia yesterday SIGH. heh. met pretty late cos I had to finish some household chores. So we had extremely late lunch at Cluny court Gastronomia. love the food and al fresco ambience there. Oh before that my contact lenses were being a bitch cos maybe I've been wearing them for forever. anyway they refuse to stay in place and it was rly sticky and my eye hurt like shit so after eating we went to queensway to buy new ones.

Bought the ones that supposed to make your eye look bigger but seriously it has no effect on my eyes HAHA WHYYYY WHYYYY?! false eyelashes don't work, neither do double eyelid tapes neither do contact lenses. I give up, I will embrace my miniature eyeballs.

Josh insisted on eating AGAIN, like 2 hours after lunch?? So I just watched him eat his curry chicken ._. Ohhh then we went to play arcade. Omg the tokens and machines and ambience all damn old school. loved it! Yea by then we were both tired, no idea why so we just went home to nua until he had to go back army :(


So since josh went to mlysia on saturday I spent the wholeeeee day w my parents. went to pay my sch fees, ate ivins peranakan food then went to Sim Lim cos my dad wanted to get sth done. he ended up getting like a hundred other stuff. guys, sigh. My mum and I just hung around the handphone area and stuff. Hahaha a lot of funny shit happened but you had to be there so nvm. went Ikea after that to plan my new room hehe excited. Ugh the only thing that turned me off was the restaurant. I don't know what it's called -_- open spaced eating area? -_- it was like motherfcking crowded and the toilet was so filthy i decided I rather hold it in than to pee there. ugh, mad town.


Met josh on Friday after he booked out. went to eat Turkish food at far east cos it was soooo good. shall bring all of my friends there some day haha. Headed over to Cathay to watch Spiderman. yay. Free tickets and free sitting hahaha. but we didn't get good seats at all :( we weren't even late man. damn you seat 'chopping' system. Show was awesome really. i cried like a million times hahaha. maybe its because i was feeling sorry for myself cos my neck hurt like shit from sitting in the second row. Haha kidding. go catch it, no regrets. Bumped into my parents after the show. ok duh we were watching the same movie. josh and I went to get some Starbucks then we headed home.


Okay that's all! Getting late better hit the sack.

Xoxo

pardon my excessive blogging but i am booooored. thank god tomorrow is friday and joshy can come play with me. dad gave me 2 free tickets to spiderman! he's always giving me free movie tickets :D most of the major blockbusters that i watch with joshy are all sponsored by my dad hahaha thanks dad.

ugh misplaced my falsies. amazing how stuff just disappears when i need them. once i misplaced my keys when i had to rush for an exam. what is this.

have been ordering food since my ass didn't leave the house in 4 days already. its like secondary school all over again hahaha. ate macs for 3 meals and popeyes for another. but i still managed to save some money! anyway theres no delivery charge for popeyes for the time being so i think that was pretty worth it since theres no extra $4.50.

im so sick of people thinking that they are better than others just cos they think they got their lives figured out and they think they have got it together. makes me wonder what i saw in you in the first place. well my dad always told me to pick my friends carefully. and today im making a choice to drop one.

hahaha i totally typed like a whole para on what i felt about you, my honest feelings for once but i guess theres no point in people speculating when only i know who i am talking about.

yay! time to hunt for food! bye!

im so angry. i feel so cheated by the mcdonalds website. they said $1 off delivery so i was wondering why they charge me full $3.50 delivery charge right. so i called them and they were like, 'oh maam! minimum $18 dollars to enjoy!'

WELL FUCK YOU, YOU SHOULD PUT THAT IN BOLD ON YOUR WEBSITE THEN. trust me, its not there. super angry. sigh.

well on other matters, i FINALLY FINALLY hung up all my clothes that were strewn all over the chair and bed. heh. friends would come over and i'd be like, 'sit lah' and the first thing all of them would say is 'WHERE!?' hahahahahhahahhaahhahahaha

WELL NOW YOU CAN SIT ANYWHERE. YAY. getting a new closet too. cos mine is like antique wood and is giving a really funky smell to all my clothes. YAY. new closet = more space = more clothes hahahaahhahah. okok. WELLLLLLLL thats all folks.

I wanna sleep forever cos being awake is my nightmare.

well schools starting and that brings about the problem once again of having nothing to wear. sigh sigh. saw sooooooooooooooooooooo many things that i want to buy. but everytime i buy stuff they are always more for play and no casual for school. sigh sigh. stupid soccer. stupid italy and germany. pffffft

I need a man.

I've never been to..

Sighhh it's this feeling again. The feeling of freedom yet there's nothing I can do. Everyday I feel myself getting smaller, just withering away. Much like.. An ice cube on a table. Only 200 times slower. No one's touching me but there's an invisible force just watching me waste away. It's difficult because I don't attribute this feeling to the lack of a job or homework, but rather to the things I've yet to achieve, can't grasp and will never possess. But want to, of course. Things like money, courage and other qualities, a happier outlook in life, etc. it's an irony to be stressing over not being able to have a happier outlook.

So I leave you all with this in mind; how can we be so blindly happy when if the world ends tomorrow we would have achieved nothing?