screwed.

today was damn what the fuck luh. peiwen on MC, so we all thought we were not going to present today. even adrien didn't come to school luh. in the end alot of groups used the MC excuse so she made us present in our informal clothes and with about 1hour preparing time. cool shit anot......................... we not even prepared lor. geok and i never even write script la hor. serene, our china friend, lagi best. hahaha. aiyar. anyway we just got it done and over with. i thought i was going to do dman badly cos i started out damn confidently but halfway through i had like fucking brain block shit so i went back to the table to refer to my notes. yar. fuck!!!!!!! fucking disappointed in myself. but nevermind, she was damn leniant with us cos she said she understood out plight of being v disorganised and all cos so last minute. she said geok did a good job, i had good elaboration and all of us passed luh.

谢天谢地 lor.

dont know how peiwen and adrien going to present ah one doing intro one doing conclusion, how to present hahaha.

oh well. i am having fucking headache and i dont even know why. maybe i am having heat stroke and im dying soon or something cos my temperature has been a constant high for a week now. 37.5 and above. never lower. sooooooooo. yes, bye people if i die tonight.

anyway am going for picnic tomorrow. and am very excited hehe. (:

yesterday was cool. didn't go to school, cher picked me up then we went to eat Arnold's at city plaza. damn good as expected. bought matching dresses hehe. thanks cher! then we went back to her house to watch S.idol and other random shows while planning what to do this weekend speaking of which i am still unsure of what we're doing.

today, went to school. did speech for sat's presentation, then went roxy sqre w geok to alter stuff. tried to find my bobdog sweet at katong mall but i think it doesn't exist anymore so we bought a load of crap from cold storage instead haha. but we damn budget one ok we found all the damn good deals haha. yar then i went home ah. did the report. damn pek cek lah i also don't care alrdy. still need to animate the stupid pptslides tmr. fml much. eyes can't open sial going to sleepz now. i wish you wld fucking leave me alone lahzzzz. night.

i dont know WHAT i did to deserve such slow internet connection. >:( i am going nuts waiting for the pages to load. cherryl does not ever need to wait for her com to load pages :( okay who am i kidding, i remember my computer just 1.5years ago. BUT I'VE PROGRESSED....so has my impatience.....

i've conquered stockcard! now i just need to conquer the calculation method and the depreciation shit.. the past few days felt like missing time. btw, i didn't know there's such a thing as mising time hahaha! i was looking for a word to decribe a period of time where it felt like you weren't really there to pass it. ya something like missing time i guess. its a gap in conscious memory. ya i felt like i wasn't there to pass it, maybe i was abducted by aliens and stuff.

how ah. i've come to a point where i dont even feel better after talking to people about it hahahahaaahahahaha i think i am ill.

okay i am pretty much talking cock right now so i am going to stop and continue w my accounting CA. love.

something borrowed something blue something swallowed something NEW!

yay! i finally got my new spectacles! hehehe. i looka lika nerd now.


hehe this one's just for fun.

OHHH anyway jonjon cooked ikea meatballz and brought over for me! its DAMNNNNNN DAMNNNNN DAMNNNNNN DMANNNNN NICE!!

jon says this is due to his many hours spent on cafe world HAHAAH funny ah. anyway im going to sleep now!! hahahaa i know right. that's about all i ever do. gnight!!!!


"as soon as forever is through, i'll be over you"
im speechless. all i can hear is the sound of my heart.

hmm i just realised that there is a chance i won't be doing well for sem2. besides this stupid bizcom proj taking up all of my time i still need to revise for accounting and stats and english cos my friends cousin said bizcom exam is like the hardest. ........... suddenly feel damn........................ zz. whats worse is i've suddenly slipped into slacker mode again and even though the report is right in front of me now i have no mood to get it done.

anyway i need to wear business wear to school next saturday haha cool beans. at least im not supposed to present next monday.............. sigh. byebye. shall force myself to finish the bizcom report............

then theres you.....................

omg today is such a good day!! :D
it's a such a good day that i am going to take stupid pictures and post them up hahahaah!! okay i bought this mushroom for geok hahaha she loves this mushroom. the green part is an eraser and the bottom is a sharpener hahahaha. i know right, i love spending money on this kinda rubbish hahaha but she will be so THRILLED when she sees it!
okay so stupid pictures with green mushroomz.





I AM ACTCUTEGALZ_90 HAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHA
this hellokitty book's for val ((: gonna airmail it to her haha. including a letter that i am going to write, describing how retarded hello kitty is.


and cher!!!! your mittens hehehe!!

hehehe. and i went to make the lenses for my spectacles today! from monday/tuesday onwards i'll have new spectacles!!!!!!! and my jeans from a spree finally arrived after THREEEEE months!!!! good day or what! i love the jeans they are awesome! see, faith people, faith!

hehe i am in such a goodmood i asked ultimateuniverseyandaoboi16 to have dinner next week hahahaha. shh, secret person HAHAHA. okayyyy i am going to write my letter to val then finish up the report hahahaha! love people, love!!!

hi!!! today went exceptionally well in my opinion. lab session ended early as usual, then peiwen, geok and i went to 5.03 to finish up bizcom report. sam's group was in the com lab! haha its so nice to have everyone in school. anyway geok left for a little while then serene came haha she is a joke lor. then geok came back, serene left and we stayed in school till 7plus. report's almost done! maybe that's why im in such a good mood hahaha. BECAUSE I AM SO SICK OF DOING REPORTS. AND I STILL HAVE ANOTHER SURVEY PLUS REPORT TO DO FOR BIZSTATS. i don't wanna type already haha.

anyway i was thinking, i sure you have discussed the topic of 'if you could have a superpower what would it be?' with your friends before right. and i was thinking i would never want the power to read minds haha. cos i would hate you for life if i knew you were reading my mind. i mean, all my darkest secrets are there haha. and i would probably never be able to face you again hehe. other than that, its like a person's personal space, know what i mean? its rude to intrude.

i think i've done enough work for today!
IM OFF TO PLAY PLANTS VS ZOMBIES HEHE.

PLAY PLANTS VS ZOMBIES

I NEED TO STOP PLAYING PLANTS VS ZOMBIES HAHAHA.


jiawen! damn fun! hahaha.

I NEED HELP WAKING UP FOR SCHOOL HAHAHA. i mean, i hear the alarm and all that shit but i just CAN'T PULL MYSELF OUT OF BED. its damn bad!!!! im late almost everyday!!! there hasn't been a day in two weeks that you won't find me walking BRISKLY up the hill and zooming to class to tap my card by 10 hahahahaahaah. i capitalised the word BRISKLY cos its something i dont do often. besides every morning HAHA. when school first started i used to wake up at 6.45 - 7.15 and leave house by 8 you know HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA NOW I WAKE UP AT 8.20??!?!!?!?! HAHAHA. omg ultimate failure. hahahaahah. GAHHHHHHHH.

okayokay i feel so guilty for wasting the afternoon away that i've decided not to take a nap. im going to finish stats CA which is due tmr and continue with the stupid biz com report. gah, singtel and singnet is all under singtel meh HAHA. how come i never knew ah. gahhhhh can feel the workload sinking in bit by bit. now i know how most of my classmates felt in JC hahahaha!! oakyokayokaoykoaykaykokay :D:D:D toodle-loo~

anyway on a side note, it amuses me how people keep running back to the ones that hurt them the most. i think we are all masochists.

"I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain."

hmm. i feel like binging and binging and not caring anymore. i think i've come to a point in life where i don't even care what people think of me if i wear like fbts and a schoolbased shirt to school. im so tempted to do so man.

anyway why is it always only easier to do one side of things. it will NEVER be easy to do both sides.

example 1: easy to eat and eat and eat but not easy to stop eating to lose all the fats.
example 2: easier to avoid someone whom you made angry rather than to apologise.
example 3: easier to ask for help than to figure it out on your own
example 4: easier to leave something from its actual place and leave it somewhere else rather than put it back where it belongs (come on you know its true)

take example 2 for example (repetitive i know). its either you find it easier to just avoid or you find it easier to just apologise. cannot be you like to avoid and apologise right. or example 3, its either you like to ask and ask for help and ask people how to do how to do or you like to look it up on your own and it will stick with you cos of all the effort you put in to find the information. true story, i hate asking for help cos i hate feeling dumber than people.

yada yada minor examples. i guess thats why in life we have choices. you can choose the easy way out which is usually not so good or you can put in effort and take the hard way out to a better ending (:

okay, did that make sense hahahha i dont think so but nevermind.

omgomg i had forgotten how much i used to blog and now i really want to get back to that routine cos its the only thing thats keeping me alive.

i am SO tired. i just HAVE to complain. cherryl lum doesnt feel THIS TIRED or even STRESSED unless its like, okay i dont even remember when was the last time i felt THIS TIRED............. now i really just wanna sleep forever and ever ):

anyway today i cabbed to school and the cab driver was like a christian and he spent the whole cab ride preaching. im not a fan of people who force others to listen to them preach. i dont like people to force the idea of christ on me you know what i mean? the more you try to sell an idea to me the more i wouldnt't buy it. ya i mean for sure he's a better christian cos he does daily devotion and goes to church and stuff but that doesn't make me a bad christian what. ok who am i kidding i am a friggin backslider but I LOVE GOD and right now i just can't find the strength to include something else in my life. ya i know christians are thinking 'oh thats why you have to go to him to find the strength' god, they are full of their own logic. pls dont comment on this i just wanna say i hate people forcing the idea of christ on me. its not like i dont know him. dont.


went town after school to do project today. couldn't really focus the whole time also. was too tired zzz. okay seriously i bet there are people who are going 'what's she got to be tired about man.' then you will go on to list a whole truckload of reasons why you are more tired then me blahblah. im so tired of people putting themselves in the spotlight everytime i bring up and issue. for your info tiredness is SUBJECTIVE. a few steps to a baby may seem like a 2.4 run to us. so beat it please.


met jiawen for awhile! :) she's so pretty now la feel like slapping her lor she keep saying she's ugly i think she needs a new mirror. anyway i didn't go for amanda's dinner but met her at the door to say happy birthday. happy birthday once again hon!

okay cranky as usual. i bought new spectacle frames alrdy btw! im going to get the lenses done soon. after hearing jon and geok's opinions i've decided to go ahead cos they are people who will never lie to me (: alrighty. sleeping time. i've never been more happy to go to bed hahahaha. bye!!

can't believe there's school tomorrow again...............................
well apart from figuring out accnting and doing 3/4 of my stats CA i haven't been doing much with my life........... am not in the best of moods...........
.............................................................................................................

there's only one thing i want for my bd.
i would use up all my wishes on you.

im watching you.

check it out, my block's lift landing has this surveillance camera screen.
yes the WHOLE WORLD who's waiting for the lift can see what the hell you are doing inside.
(btw, 233a isn't my block hahaha)

stupid right? what if i were in a rush and i was thinking okay, i can arrange my bra in the lift. and walla, free porn kiddies! ok i have no idea what else you can do in the lift because usually i do everything at home then i leave the house which explains why i am lategalzz90. hm pull your nose hair? check what underwear you are wearing? HAHAHA I DON'T KNOW.

oh ok CLASSIC example, scratching an itchy butt!! i don't know why scratching your butt in public is like taboo. its like scratching your arm or nose or knee only what. so anyway you scratch your butt and the whole world thinks youre ugly now ):

what if its 7th month and....

..............................
hehehe.

so all in all i think its bloody retarded to show the whole world whats going on in the lift. cant even kiss your boyfriend goodbye in privacy lor!!

now that i know the whole world can see me i would stick my finger to the world everytime i enter the lift :D


heh.

omg anyway im choosing between a tongue or eyebrow piercing!!!!! helphelp lao niang can't decide !

sigh.

what's with everyone going on a blog hiatus? as far as i'm concerned my blog is the only outlet for my emotions.

anyway, fickle-minded me decided to go to school at the very last minute, that is 8.45am. i was done by 9.15 btw. i am AWESOME when i'm late hahaha. but waited till 9.30 to take a cab anyway. sigh, i bet 50% of all the money i have in this lifetime is spent on cab fares. and i hate thinking of what to wear every morning please. im so fat its so hard to find clothes that conceal your fats you know. -_-

sigh sigh sigh and sigh. this is the MOST patient i've ever been already. ):
do something already, won't you?

i'm your local pushover.

i had a close shave with suspension/expulsion today.

there was a jam so i thought i was going to be late because it was already 9.40am. so i panicked because i was holding someone else's card. honestly if it were my card alone i wouldn't really care because i can afford to forgo my attendance for this mere one day. so in a moment of folly i called fandy&yx and told them to help this someone to sign in at the office. then i thought okay might as well sign mine too so i asked geok to do it for me. but i managed to reach school at 9.58 to tap the cards.

it just so happened that geok went to the office before fandy and yx did. the funny thing was the woman questioned geok on my particulars - handphone, IC, address, email and geok could answer everything. then finally the woman said "but your picture doesnt look like you" haha what the fuck. geok kept coming up with reasons like "i cut my hair" and stuff but they kept drilling her so she just admitted in the end. they told her that she would either be suspended or expelled and the same punishment goes for me.

thank goodness she stopped fandy and yx in time otherwise alot of people would have gotten into trouble. im sorry! anyway after school we went to the office to face the music and after telling her my reason and after hearing we were singaporeans she let us off the hook :D

God saved my ass this time. thanks :D


on the other hand, some people are totally unaware of their imposition on others. i dare say i've helped you enough already. my threshold for this kinda nonsense is damn high, but once you cross the mark, its best that you don't ask me for anymore favours. i dont see the logic if you can't get up for school but i am supposed to get up on time for you so that i can tap your card. and its worse when you stress that 'you trust me'.

yst in school you asked me 'you not paiseh ah sms me so late'. i just said 'paiseh what?'
well what i meant to say was, 'paiseh what? you not paiseh ah always ask me to tap your card, you not paiseh ah come to my house in the middle of the night and ask me to teach you maths and leave at 4am when there's exam the next day.' see how you answer.

im appalled at how fake you're getting. how can you not feel guilty and paiseh after what happened? instead you threw a few words of concern then went on to ask me to teach you biz com and stats. how what the fuck is that. i dont mind doing favours for people, in fact, im a pushover when it comes to this kinda things. but you should know when you've reached the limit for favours. dont take advantage of my kindness please. thank god i have friends by my side to wake me up. i may have had a soft spot for you but that's a thing of the past now.

from now on you're on your own.

went out with cher in the morning. she drove and we went to east coast park to chill. heh heh. was super quiet and nice. loved it. town and arnolds tomorrow. cant wait to eat chicken haha.

met jiawen for awhile just now cos she was near my house so we went to eat macs. then took roms card from him. we came up with a good plan to get to school on time to tap our cards. but i dont think we will follow through anyway haha.

gahhhhh. today was damn fun btw. first time in SIM i laugh non stop in class. i think i really can if i want to haha. but sometimes its hard. especially everytime i look over you're righy there UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I WANT TO BLIND MYSELF HAHA. kidding. god i take back my words.

amen.

omg i need to start doing something more productive with my time.
no, reading horoscopes and trying to figure out my fate does not count, neither does painting my nails over and over again. bad feeling i am going to fail this semester hahaha.

one more thing that i've been doing ever so often nowadays is picturing my dream wedding. who im gonna invite, whose gonna play what role, where, how, why, what and all other questions a girl can dream of. hehe. its going to be awesome. assuming i manage to find a man -_-

friends help you find yourself at times you'd never expect. WELL. i've decided to take everything in a positive light. hehe.

donnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ! :D :D :D
(no i wasn't swearing haha !)
you're the reason i go to school. HAHA.

HAHA OMG HOMER SIMPSON SO CUTTTTTE.

lisa: how do we let other people know we're not interested??
marge: well, first you -
homer: LET ME HANDLE THIS. "i like to be your friend. i think we should see other people. i dont speak english. im married to the sea. i dont wanna kill you but i will. im not gay but i'll learn"

HAHAHA HAHAAHHA.

'Love lights more fires than Hate extinguishes'


and another quote i saw on tvmobile today was 'Sooner or later those who win are those who think they can'. which led me to think about sem 1 when i was so confident about aceing everything and poof, i did it. okay but maybe thats because 2 of the subjects were idiot proof. if we were complacent about doing well would we still do well?

anyway I DON'T WANT TO BE EMO GIRL ANYMORE ): i feel like im so boring to be around. and the worst thing is its not that i want to be like that anymore, its becoming part of me. i dont wanttttttttttt. but how to change man......

1. im working again, same job.
2. i really don't know what to say anymore to all my friends who are breaking up. i hope you find your solace in songs/god/food.
3. i think im the only one who can sleep and wake up with a sore throat.
4. simpsons ftw.

today i was on the bus and there were two secondary school boys blasting music and singing loudly at the back. i mean if they were singing rocker songs i would think that they were normal stupid boys but no. they were singing songs like taylor swift's love story and you belong with me and other sappy love songs. i mean technically no one in the right mind sings out loud on the bus. right there and then i wanted to turn back and yell 'SHUT UP GAY PPL' but i didnt.

that's when i realised that there is power in numbers.

see if i had a a friend i would have done it already cos it would seem like i am just complaining to my friend. something like that.


but if i were alone and i yelled shut up man! i would seem crazy like so.


sooooooooooooooo always go out in pairs so you can scold people.


school was alright, still super tired. wonder when im gonna get used to sleeping late and waking up early again. i think im rather annoying so i'll just keep to myself. pfft. oh learnt bookkeeping today. super interesting but hard to grasp. gogogooooooooo cherr!

oh anyway my dad was thinking of what to put on our christian table so he took a santa clause figurine and placed it there. haha he damn cute ah.

cher and i were looking at wedding dresses the other night and walla! i found a dress that i rlyrlyrlyrlyrlyrly want hahaha.

yes, my wedding dress is going to be black and white. super awesome stuff. after attending so many weddings in a few weeks i've started to think about how i want my wedding to be, where, who i will invite and all that shit haha. pretty fun to dream.

so i slept for the whole day and i am now physically retarded but my mind is still running in circles. i feel abit repulsed by my laziness and so i am going to revise everything we have learnt so far. go cherrrrrrrr!

i'm ill.

school's a bore. don't feel like seeing or interacting with anyone lately.
anyway i really think i have mild depression or some form of it. in particular, i feel like i have Dysthymia.

Dysthymia is a chronic long lasting form of depression sharing many characteristic symptoms of major depressive disorder (in the form of the melancholic depression subtype). However, these symptoms tend to be less severe but do fluctuate in intensity. To be diagnosed an adult must experience 2 or more of the following symptoms "for most of the day, more days than not, for at least 2 years":

Symptoms
* Feelings of hopelessness
* Insomnia or hypersomnia
* Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
* Low energy or fatigue
* Low self-esteem
* Poor appetite or overeating


not trying to insist that i am ill but number1, its either i experience ALL OF THOSE SYMPTOMS ALMOST EVERYDAY or i experience MOST OF THE SYMPTOMS EVERYDAY. if you've known me for at least 3years you would know.






'As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, a person may often experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they tend to believe that depression is a part of his or her character. This, subsequently, may lead sufferers to not even discuss their symptoms with doctors, family members or friends.'

omg i totally believe its part of me la what if im actually some bloody happy person to begin with.





'The essential symptom involves the individual feeling depressed almost daily for at least two years, but without the criteria necessary for a major depression. Low energy, disturbances in sleep or in appetite, and low self esteem typically contribute to the clinical picture as well. Sufferers have often experienced dysthymia for many years before it is diagnosed. People around them come to believe that the sufferer is 'just a moody person.'






Diagnostic criteria
# During a majority of days for 2 years or more, the patient reports depressed mood or appears depressed to others for most of the day.


# When depressed, the patient has 2 or more of:
1. Appetite decreased or increased
2. Sleep decreased or increased
3. Fatigue or low energy
4. Poor self-image
5. Decreased concentration and decisiveness
6. Feels hopeless or pessimistic
7. Excessive muscle pain, particularly upper back, and feet (omg i swear i have back and feet ache, i was just telling my mom about my horrible back ache during work)


# During this 2 year period, the above symptoms are never absent longer than 2 consecutive months.


# In contrast to major depression, these symptoms may not always result in clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, academic, or other major areas of functioning (APA, 2000). People suffering from dysthymia are usually well capable of coping with their everyday lives (usually by following particular routines that provide certainty). (explains my acceptable grades i guess. hah)

In children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year, in contrast to 2 years needed for diagnosis in adults.




apart from my realisation of my condition, i've tried really hard to put down in words whats going on but i just can't find a way to let it all out without sounding over dramatic so forget it.

very breifly put, the lack of conversation and eye contact should be enough for me to let it go but it's just too hard when you're in the same group of friends. it's too hard to pretend and act like we never wanted anything more; are you having the same thoughts and troubles too? i can't look at you, every time i do i just wanna run up and give you a big hug and hope for time to stop. i'm sorry it had to come to this, but i'll keep up the act for you. <\3

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

are you sure what you have for someone is really love?


ehhhh. ever wondered what AM and PM stands for? hahaha well i was wondering so i checked the net!

“AM” stands for the Latin phrase Ante Meridiem —which means “before noon”—and “PM” stands for Post Meridiem : “after noon.”

HAHA there, learn something new everyday.

school was alright!! was late as usual. totally didn't expect the jam! okay my mom warned me but as usual i nv really heed her advice hahahahaha. my bad. we had accounting today. i already have a love-hate relationship with it. and tomorrow is business stats ): fuck ah. variance, mean, standard deviation, probability ALL COMING BACK TO HAUNT ME. I HATE.

oh anyway im contemplating quitting my job soon. but i can't really decide if i should ): ugh. i need another part time job to sustain my appetite and shopping. sigh. and i think another parcel of mine tio lost mail. fuck. damn pissed off man.

How do you lie?
You Don't Lie
Seriously, you don't. Why are you even taking this quiz? You tell it like it is and are exactly as you seem to be. You don't believe in stupid mind games or made up rules about how to act. For you, the best w...ay to act is to be yourself. You do not pretend to be smart, you just are. When someone compliments you, you respond with either "I know" or "Stop lying." You can see right through people and don't like people who pretend to be something they're not

Your weakness is the people who are impossible to impress. They call you out when you're being mean or stubborn and are not afraid of you. They could cause you to act different trying to prove them wrong, but you are just lying to yourself.