oh, joy.

hmmm, can't sleep again so i guess i'll just blog.

i downloaded this fortune cookie thing for my desktop HAHA. aww im gonna type what it says here everyday.
Fortune Cookie #1: Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

went skin clinic on tuesday with my dad. face like shit no choice. went dinner with my parents at lagoon after that. MAN THEIR CHICKEN WINGS ARE LIKE HEAVEN LAHHHH. AND THEIR SUGAR CANE. i have been staying home eating maggie mee too much.

wednesday. was supposed to meet geok at 2 cos i wanted to go queensway to get stuff then we're supposed to go out but you know, I WAS SO TIRED HAHAHA. geok also luh so we decided to just meet for dinner. went bedok astons. omg we damn hip leh, both on budget still eat astons haha kns. chilled at the coffeeshop since we cant chill anywhere else (budget) hahaha. ya BUDGET MY ASS after that went mcdonalds to eat ice cream. then after chilling we went to the hawker and i ate fishball noodles and we shared chicken wings and she ate dessert. OH GOD HAHAHAHA WE CANNOT GO OUT TOGETHER CFM KEEP EATING. zzz. then geok was like, 'if only valerie was here, then we can chill together..'
see v, we miss you like shit k. ):

well came home.. slept.. woke up and here i am again. sometimes i wonder if im doing the right thing. you know, between quarreling with someone and choosing to smile and ignore them which would you choose? i used to think that quarreling to settle our differences would be better but i got so tired of the never ending quarreling i decided to try 'smile/laugh and ignore'. BUT IM STARTING TO FEEL SO FAKE. aww i usually say what i feel, you know? like, not happy then not happy, i will totally show it/type it. then i decided to be less of a bitch so im trying the nicer method but im beating myself up for it. sometimes i wonder why i bother trying to be nice when being a bitch doesnt really make a difference to me in my life.

then there's the other version of being fake which is not admitting that i totally dont like what youre doing. you know, in order to make people feel a little more accepted. so i dont speak my mind in a sense. which i feel is decieving as a friend.

why can't this be so much easier? like, you can totally make ANY sarcastic disapproving comment at what they say or do but you dont have to feel bad about it cos you know they know you are just speaking your mind and you know that they will accept your comment &not feel hurt by what you said. they would just give you a 'hurhur' look and you wld smirk at them but inside you still know that you love each other therefore friendship still intact. okay i only have one friend whom i can say ANY DAMN THING TO and not worry about it. thats why i would do anything for her cos we're cool about each other's character.

friendships are so fragile nowadays. youre not allowed to speak your mind cos you're afraid that the other person would not like you after that. like, HUH. and people are just so sensitive to everything that you say, you know? its just not liberating to be friends anymore. its not like the comments im making are to hurt you on purpose right. they are just what i honestly feel and sometimes theres no point explaining sarcastic remarks cos WHERES THE FUN IF YOU EXPLAIN A DAMN SARCATIC REMARK. plus if i wanna disagree with something whose to stop me? oh right, you cos you would be unhappy.

okay i haven't stated my points really clearly but i guess this'll do. im starting to build up my definition of a 'friend'.

i shld totally stop trying to be nice.


while the sun shines on you, i need some love to rain on me.