why do we always miss someone we're not supposed to? is it human to want something we can't have? there are a thousand and one people we can talk to but we only want to talk to one and this person is not even inside the thousand and one people. we use all our waking hours trying to convince ourselves that we are stronger than that, that we don't need whoever we're missing. some manage to delude themselves while others just sink deeper into their own misery after failing to do so.
sometimes i think we feel human when we feel pain. the way our hearts twist and beats when we hear that person's name, when we bask in their presence, when we get lost in their words. on the surface we are savoring each second but on the inside we just wanna shoot ourselves because once the day is over you are back to square 1. with the tendency to over analyse everything, everything the person says has 832428423 meanings to it. i just wanna be a mindreader for ONE day. one day is all i need. if i met a genie now thats all i want.
there's this satisfaction in checking if the person you like is online. even though you know they are not going to talk to you, you just feel satisfied knowing that they're online. and when they go offline without talking to you that's when you realise what a shit day it has been. oh! they came online again! yea, the hope kills.
roar. just some things that are keeping me awake. shoot me, do a clean job.
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