i'm ill.

school's a bore. don't feel like seeing or interacting with anyone lately.
anyway i really think i have mild depression or some form of it. in particular, i feel like i have Dysthymia.

Dysthymia is a chronic long lasting form of depression sharing many characteristic symptoms of major depressive disorder (in the form of the melancholic depression subtype). However, these symptoms tend to be less severe but do fluctuate in intensity. To be diagnosed an adult must experience 2 or more of the following symptoms "for most of the day, more days than not, for at least 2 years":

Symptoms
* Feelings of hopelessness
* Insomnia or hypersomnia
* Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
* Low energy or fatigue
* Low self-esteem
* Poor appetite or overeating


not trying to insist that i am ill but number1, its either i experience ALL OF THOSE SYMPTOMS ALMOST EVERYDAY or i experience MOST OF THE SYMPTOMS EVERYDAY. if you've known me for at least 3years you would know.






'As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, a person may often experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they tend to believe that depression is a part of his or her character. This, subsequently, may lead sufferers to not even discuss their symptoms with doctors, family members or friends.'

omg i totally believe its part of me la what if im actually some bloody happy person to begin with.





'The essential symptom involves the individual feeling depressed almost daily for at least two years, but without the criteria necessary for a major depression. Low energy, disturbances in sleep or in appetite, and low self esteem typically contribute to the clinical picture as well. Sufferers have often experienced dysthymia for many years before it is diagnosed. People around them come to believe that the sufferer is 'just a moody person.'






Diagnostic criteria
# During a majority of days for 2 years or more, the patient reports depressed mood or appears depressed to others for most of the day.


# When depressed, the patient has 2 or more of:
1. Appetite decreased or increased
2. Sleep decreased or increased
3. Fatigue or low energy
4. Poor self-image
5. Decreased concentration and decisiveness
6. Feels hopeless or pessimistic
7. Excessive muscle pain, particularly upper back, and feet (omg i swear i have back and feet ache, i was just telling my mom about my horrible back ache during work)


# During this 2 year period, the above symptoms are never absent longer than 2 consecutive months.


# In contrast to major depression, these symptoms may not always result in clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, academic, or other major areas of functioning (APA, 2000). People suffering from dysthymia are usually well capable of coping with their everyday lives (usually by following particular routines that provide certainty). (explains my acceptable grades i guess. hah)

In children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year, in contrast to 2 years needed for diagnosis in adults.




apart from my realisation of my condition, i've tried really hard to put down in words whats going on but i just can't find a way to let it all out without sounding over dramatic so forget it.

very breifly put, the lack of conversation and eye contact should be enough for me to let it go but it's just too hard when you're in the same group of friends. it's too hard to pretend and act like we never wanted anything more; are you having the same thoughts and troubles too? i can't look at you, every time i do i just wanna run up and give you a big hug and hope for time to stop. i'm sorry it had to come to this, but i'll keep up the act for you. <\3