I'm in a good mood because i won all my bets today hehehe. helped me to cover all my losses -_- yay! okay. interesting matches tomorrow! anyway. i know i said this a million times but my mice are really the cutest pieces of rodents on this earth. the way the climb the cage and peek at me through the bars. really i wanna kiss them awwwww! they make me smile every single day (:

Series of events made me realise i really just wanna be alone for now. i used to love the drama of BGR. the chase, the thrill. now it all just seems so alien to me. words. how promising can words be? aren't they all just a gimmick to get someone to trust you then after that you can manipulate them as you wish? i seriously HATE sweet talk to the core. im so immuned to it i swear to god i feel NOTHING when someone says those words to me. i don't even know why people get into a relationship at my age haha! what are you hoping to get out of it? some company when you're lonely? some attention? call me a non believer because i am. i just dont see this relationship thingy working out for me anytime in near future.

its too tiring. constantly thinking of how to please them. what to wear. how to mix well with their friends. how to bewitch them. their expectations your expectations. maybe im the only one whose tired of relationships because im the only one constantly worried about these when im in one. or am i? i can give you a politically correct definition of how relationships are supposed to be your second home. where you can be yourself. you know that's not true. be it 1 year or 5 years you still hope that when you see your partner you will WOW them with your new hairstyle or perfume or something. sigh what for.

maybe its just me. maybe i just haven't found someone i can totally be myself around. someone who doesnt mind a moodswinging crazy bitch TRUST ME THERE ARE FEWER GUYS THAN YOU THINK WHO LIKE SUCH GIRLS. maybe its coming. i just need to believe. keep believing and hoping that true love will knock on my door. i should give true love my address again.

i know i can sometimes be very bitter about my close friends getting attached. im not sure of the psychological reason behind it yet. ok its definitely not because i want everyone to be alone like me okay hahahahahha. then again.. could it be that i am really just selfish and as long as i am not happy i dont wanna see others happy? this is really messing with my mind. one of the reasons is that i've been through quite abit of shit and i really dont want all of you to go through the same thing. especially when you come and tell me whats wrong i really dont wish to see you in that kind of state. like Bullet for my Valentine sang, "If its supposed to be like this, why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?" yet, i am forcing my beliefs on you. yup. i admit im wrong. from now on i'll leave out my beliefs.

anyway i saw this totally cute waiter at Hillman just now HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.