the dream.

you know i look around me and everyone is so accomplished and doing something useful with their lives. then i take a look at myself, watching the Secret Lives of the American Teenager (which totally gets better as it progresses btw), attempting to do some math (but of course failing), and many other super not important stuff. i dont think there will ever be a day in my life where i can be like cheryl and list out a list of cool things that i've accomplished in a day. i mean the only cool thing i could have listed out when i was working was perhaps the fact that i was able to wake up in time.

i still wish i could be super good at something. you know, like super smart but it doesnt matter if im ugly cos i have my brains as a weapon. or like super hot but super stupid. doesnt matter right at least im not mediocre. oh how bout super rich. period. im actually really embarressed to be going to SIM. however nonchalant i may seem............ what kind of loser goes to SIM after JC -_- gawd, my life is so fucked up. i wanna be 16 again. i mean you take one wrong step and your life and dreams go down the drain.

you know those aunties you see at coffeeshops or like at the supermart....... well no offence meant but i don't wanna be them. i don't wanna marry some mediocre potbelly guy and live the rest of my life doing housework at home because i COULDNT GET A FUCKING DEGREE AND DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE. yea i may be happy but i don't want that. i've always imagined myself as one of those upper class wives who look young even at 60 (SUPER IMPORTANT). with a maid (so important) and perfect beautiful SMART children oh god please give me smart children. i want a modern house with glass and curtains and cars and colourful furniture ( buddhist alters strictly not allowed. not that i have anything against the religion, its just that the red light makes everything look so scary at night). and i dont have to visit the supermarket to buy groceries, well unless i want to i mean its not like i dont wanna be a good wife/mom. and i 'll be wearing my powerful office lady attire every morning and pick up starbucks coffee on the way to work and knock off anytime i want because im so up there in the office that i can do anything i want HAHAHAHAHA the dream. and and and then i'll come home and be greeted by my equally slack but RICH husband and happy bouncy children but not too hyper because i would get highly annoyed at the noise they are making (but i would die if my child is weird and quiet like me). then my maid (who is very happy to be working with us and doesn't abuse my children) whips up a perfect meal of STEAK AND POTATOES and we can all eat together!! and we'll go visit my parents on Saturdays at their place, pay their bills, and let my kids mess up their house HAHA which my maid will take care of luh duh. then my husband will take us all for dinner at some fancy restaurant. and my husband will let my dad drive his super cool high tech car home for the thrill of it haha.


but since my dream not to long ago was to do well in JC (that is, to see my name on the screen) then go to a university and say 'IN YOUR FACE' to my sister and that didn't really WORK OUT... my current dream just seems like a mirage now. oh well.......... yesyesyesyes i can i can i can i can i must i must i must i must for my dream future.