hello. how has your week been so far? mine has been absolute piss.

-bf went off to gentings, so did my parents.
-im broke and i lost more in mahj yesterday.
-my room light is bust so when night comes i feel like a caveman with only light from my bedside lamp and my laptops.
-haven't had a sore eye in 15 years BUT someone up there decided now would be the BEST time to give me one.
-my attendance has dropped to a new low HAHAHA don't know if i can sit for exams HAHAHA

so.. there ya have it. one of the worst weeks of my life. although most of it is my own fault hahaha well BYE

:(

yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time :) I spent the wholeeee day w baby!

went to farmart at cck. yay! soooo many gerbils there. chinchillas, rabbits, goats, parrots, etc. quite disappointing that there were no horses though. I think there used to be a lot more animals :/ anw. had an awesome BBQ chicken, lala and stingray lunch there! their BBQ chicken wings are to
die for.

after that we drove in to mlysia to eat awesome seafood! it was the most fun I ever had man hahaha. we got lost and all. sigh too long to blog it out but yay! did sth spontaneous and fun. :)

after that we played mahj till the sun came up. So, literally used up the entireeee day :) yay. sometimes I think it's because baby feels guilty that he wont be here for the entire
weekend next week lol

alright. back to studying.

so i survived days of not sleeping and i've completed all my projs! whoots. exams in less than a month. whut? dont know why this semester's timetable is so tight. anw im damn bummed out that i'm having exams before and after my birthday, yet again. its like year after year. pffft. not able to have a proper celebration sucks. no wonder im so immuned to not celebrating, i've had like years of training. still... sigh.

i ran out of gerbil food but luckily thats not a problem since my family members are such... healthy people. i can easily find like, oats and crackers that are not flavoured and stuff.

kinda sad that school is ending though. i will truly miss cabbing to school, cursing at the heavy traffic, running to tap my card on time (well mostly geok does the running but still haha), eating yummy cheap school food, chilling with friends after school, not knowing what the hell is going on because i rarely sit in for class, studying at macs for exams, etc. so, im going to make it a point to go to school for the remaining.. 3 weeks of school hahahaha. i will truly miss school life :(

ok! gotta go prep for school now. ciao.

im mad tired man. been staying up back to back completing projects. and now i found out that i have back to back exams in less than a month. gosh. my poor sleep deprived body. so many things to do before the end of the year :(

a few more hurdles and I'm done. I never wanna touch another textbook in my life. ever.

josh just went to extract his wisdom teeth and I'm getting a big laugh out of it cos one side of his mouth is numb so it kind of just droops to one side hahaha ok I am going to hell for laughing at his pain. damn gross though, I pray that I will never ever have to extract mine :/

incredibly bored. Can't wait to work and earn my keep and do whatever the hell I want. Ughhhhh. I think I very influenced by western culture because I always believe in equality. I mean of cos we've all thought of being taitais and just playing mahj and doing facials and manicures all day. duh, THE dream right. but I'd hate to have to ask for money from my husband everyday. Maybe it's a pride thing plus my many many unpleasant experiences with money lending and borrowing. that's why I truly believe women should earn their own money and not live off their husbands.

sigh. Childhood experiences really do shape you to become who you are and what you believe in.

p.s I love Jessie J's Price Tag but after awhile her lyrics just sound like bullshit to me. nowadays it's ALL about the money man. Nope not materialistic, just realistic.

i think the only reason why i like Adele's Rolling in the deep is because its such a 'in your face' song and not many people have a chance like this to humiliate someone in front of the world. love.

yaaaaaaaay one more day till my agony is over. then i have two other projs to finish. hahahahahhahahaha i love school. i miss the old days where i would study at home and there would still be people on MSN. its so much lonelier nowadays. oh well. anw i just read jiawens blog about eating ants HAHAHAHA I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH YOU BITCH.

i rmb something that one of the entrepreneurs that i interviewed told me. everyone has good and bad things happening to them in life. but how you turn the bad things around and make yourself stronger because of them is what sets you apart from everyone. and it just hit a raw spot and for a moment i was like 'wow'. i mean im sure it has crossed all of your minds to look at the bright side. but no one ever does it. a few people always tell other people to do but never ever succeed are

1) cheer up
2) look on the bright side
3) forget it
4) go sleep, tmr when you wake up things will be better (who ever came up with this line ought to die)

anyway. i live in a world where people constantly look down on me and dont give a shit how i feel. if not for the law i think they wouldnt even care if im alive or dead. i also live in a very selfish world. but i didn't turn out like any of them. i refuse to. you wanna be selfish with me, i will treat you ten times better. when i die, please dont cry. i will come back as a ghost and slap you. i dont treat people nice because i wish they would feel guilty. but i actually feel good when i am nice to people who are selfish to me. i feel good that i am not at their level. as for people who dont give a shit how i feel and think just because i am the smallest fart in the hierarchy, im glad i didnt grow up to be like you. if i had to bow my head to everyone whose older than me i would have no self respect. im glad i don't expect people who are younger than me to bow down to me either. right means right wrong means wrong. you have emotions, others do too. you have opinions, so do i.

my biggest regret if i die is not being able to build the kind of r/s that i want with you. if i had an accident or something really major and big and happy happened to me i wouldn't share it with any of you. because all i would hear are echos of your judgment. i accept the fact that i would never be good enough for you. im so sick of it. im so sick of being trampled on. you caused me to grow up with screwed up emotions. you caused me to doubt everything that i do. my abilities and my achievements. but thank you. because i grew up stronger.

thats all.

troubled troubled :( dont know why every time I start on a project super early I still won't finish it 2 days before submission hahaha. think I have no more stamina. used to be able to go on and on w/o sleep. It's 3 am and I'm damn tired alrdy :( and I woke up at 6pm -_- -_-

my cough is killing me. I am never stepping foot into little India again hahaha. I swear I caught a deadly virus from there last week.

not much to blog about. V unhappy but can't do anything about it hahaha. SUA. bury my head in work. BYEEE.

im so PISSED that my report is so shallow. i can't seem to clear my mind and do some critical thinking. ffffff this shit.

Have you guys heard of Nissin cup noodles? of course you have. it is the nicest and saltiest cup noodle i have ever eaten. AND I CAN'T TASTE SHIT NOW COS OF MY COLD. im so upset hahaha im super hungry but i feel like im just swallowing food to make myself full. can't taste at all. can't taste my calamansi either. :(

anyway anyway hahahaha i just rewatched 命中注定我爱你 and now im rewatching wang zi bian qing wa HAHAHA. i remember i rewatched the latter about close to ten times HAHAHAHAHAHA. MING DAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. okay he's not that cute anymore. if you put him next to ethan ruan he just looks fat. sigh. OMG NOSTALGIA.

my leadership proj is due next monday :( i have to finish it before hand cos of the stupid turn it in thingy now. UGH. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh v stressed hahaha. love projs though. love reports and essays hahaha. i just love staying up late at night and letting all the ideas flow to me. feel super accomplished. :)

OKAY, LOVE.

Im honored to be in the era that was around to see great things and not so great happen. Things that changed the world. Just off the top of my head:

1. Domination of Apple products all over the world, Death of Steve Jobs
2. Barack Obama, enough said (cos if you don't know whats going on here i can't help you hahaha)
3. The founding of Google (i really have no idea what search engine i used before google)
4. Facebook, enough said
5. Tsunami in 2004 (RIP Uncle R)
6. Saddam Hussein &Osama
7. Global Financial Crisis
8. September 11 (i still think its damn freaky that the numerical date of september 11 is 9/11 which is 911 emergency number -_- well played, terrorists.)
9. SARS (how can anyone forget the few weeks of skipping secondary school and not knowing what the hell was going on outside)
10. RIP Michael Jackson &Whitney Houston
11. Introduction of 3D technology
12. Cloning of Dolly!
13. K-Pop craze

i personally hate the last one. hahaha okay this are all the events i can remember since i was conscious of what was going on around me. aren't we lucky to be able to be around to know of them? of course these are not the GREATEST events or whatever but they are pretty big to me. and although not all of them are good events at least we have no excuse to say we got through life without ever experiencing anything great.

haha okay random. i was doing my leadership project and reading about steve jobs when i just thought of blogging about this. speaking of which, google is being a bitch today. its giving me everything under the sun except information that i need :( boo.

oh on a totally different matter, IM SO SICK OF MY IPHONE. im so sick of touch screen phones really. losing its sensitivity and shit. i want an old school keypad where i can close my eyes and still type a text. i want a flip phone. damn im so sick of flat one dimensional phones. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i think its important that my guy friends are able to not take what i say to heart. cos i can be super direct at times to them which is super refreshing cos you cant do that to girls. bitch mode will come on. so i thank god that all my guy friends will just laugh it off or say something to counter me for fun. phew.

tonight is just one of those nights where i have a lot of time on my hands thus i end up thinking of a lot of shitty stuff. the topic for tonight is that i am a pushover. im not even going to say im nice, im just plainly a pushover.

im sure we've all had those moments in life where we wanted to please someone just so that they would appreciate you and bond with you and be your best friend for life. i used to be this dumb. up till JC, i always had this urge to please people around me. i thought that if they were happy, i would be too. but there will never be a single situation where both parties are happy. i know what you're thinking, if its a compromise then both will be happy right? nope. the fact that you compromised means you didn't get 100% of what you want. and sometimes you only end up with 20% after a compromise because compromising means you will not end up with nothing but you will get at least something, which is that miserable 20%.

i guess i just need to thank life (and maybe any remaining brains i have) for showing me that its just not possible. something always cocks up; like people not saying thank you, or not even recognizing that i don't need to be doing whatever it is that made them happy but i did anyway. i probably just sound like im praising myself but im really not. because im a dumb bitch. people only miss the water when its gone. they are not going to remember you for something nice that you did. they are only going to remember that you exist when they want something done and don't have the right person for the job. that's the harsh truth.

i have probably made my fair share of mistakes in this department. i forgot people who were nice to me. made them give up and distance themselves. but at least i live with the regrets of what could have been. some people just live on without ever thinking about the mistakes they have made. usually not thinking about your mistakes and moving forward is the way to go but not for human relationships. keep making the same mistake and you lose everyone who ever cared for you. and you are stuck with everyone you care about who don't remember the nice things you've done for them either.

the saddest part is when you do something nice for someone but you are still invisible in their eyes. i guess everybody has their favourites.

I am mighty proud of myself and my efforts. I made a promise to God which I am proud to say I have been keeping. okay just so this post makes sense I am briefly gonna tell you what i promised hahaha. (man, i am reallyyyyy not used to typing with a capital I)

well the big man up there was nice enough to answer my very very important prayer so because i was so grateful i promised that i would stop using vulgarities. like on a regular basis. because if you know me...... i can use them in every sentence possible. not proud of it but yeah. well they say venting your anger and using vulgarities once in awhile is good for your health. SERIOUSLY. RESEARCH SAYS SO. i read a few articles on it already hahaha. and i am ashamed to say i let slip out of my mouth about 2 vulgarities since i made that promise WHICH SERIOUSLY IS SUPER LITTLE COMPARED TO LAST TIME and im sure God knows im trying. i am literally conscious about what i say now.

im not really sure which way it goes. when i was younger i used to fast from something when i really needed God's help and it worked. but this way works too. man i don't know. anyway for someone who is addicted to using vulgarities in every sentence i just wanna say a little effort goes a long way. YOU PROBABLY THINK IM KIDDING RIGHT. like, who the hell would be addicted to using vulgarities. WELL, I AM. like i said, if you interact with me on a daily basis you would know.

its not like people actually noticed that i stopped actually. like when i asked josh the other day if he noticed something different about my speech he said, "you are speaking fluently?" .....GUYS. i mean come on, which day do i not speak fluently PFFT. haha kidding. but yea. oh this reminded me of some video i watched the other day.

it was about this woman who was teaching us ladies not to give guys open ended questions. like for example, i actually asked josh this question initially, "do you notice something different about me?" and after scrutinizing me like an object he said "you cut your fringe?" HAHAHAHA HE'S SO CUTE SOMETIMES I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. normally after that response a lot of us would get irritated like, why is my bf so dumb why does he not understand what im saying. right? so the video actually said not to mislead our boyfriends because guys are generally not very observant and when you ask them an open ended question like that they would actually panic and think of anything pleasing to say. so if you want a compliment, ask him a direct question. if you went for a nose job, ask him if he can see your nose from the side. if you dyed your hair ask him if your hair is still black. simple things like that luh. it will save you both the trouble of guessing and the irritation and quarrels. bleh.

anyway i saw a list of things that dilys made on her blog (about herself) and i immediately thought of how much i don't like people to know about me. i know there are always different types of people, some like to share and some don't. i definitely belong to the group that doesnt. if i did make a list it would probably consist of things that are very generic and everyone already knows like... how i need to wash my hands very often or how i hate people who cough and sneeze w/o covering their mouths. i had this 'friend' who once told me that i probably always write the same things in a list like that because i am generally a very boring person and there's not much interesting about me. and then i set their house on fire. KIDDING. i guess it would be easier to say yes to that assumption than to explain that i like my privacy and if you wanted to know more about me you gotta show me you can be trusted. i guess its something to do with the fact that im a scorpio. YES I BELIEVE IN HOROSCOPES. i love my secrets. and besides, what's there left to find out if you already know everything about me? :)

Josh is in gentings and I am dying of boredom. Who did I talk to last time -_- anyway I just sent a feedback to Singpost cos they are really damn annoying? They don't have the brains to call or what? I checked the delivery notice and my number was there ok. And I was home the whole day -_- super annoyed. Now I have to go down and collect it myself cos what's the point of asking for redelivery if they are just going to leave me another delivery notice. Damn retarded.

sometimes I'm really grateful for the life I am leading now. btw, i initially spelt 'grateful' as 'greatful' HAHAHAHAHHA BRAIN DEGENERATION MUCH. anw i've got my iPod on, got my cigs, ruffles and green tea, good aircon, browsing gmarket and looking for potential part time jobs i might wanna take up. in the quiet of the night with no disturbance. i am truly grateful for my chill life. seeing that im graduating this end of year, how many more chill nights like this can i have? im really gonna miss the studying period of my life because its the most chill period of my life. own time own target. I FREAKING LOVE MY LIFESTYLE.

i dont want it to end -sobs hysterically-

omg coincidentally my iPod started playing Fun- We are young. that will be the national anthem of the first island i discover hahahahahahha i am literally crying tears of joy right now that i have such a damn good life. HORMONAL IMBALANCE OMG

omg i dreamt that i bumped into pea and keith twice at 2 different malls last night. it felt SUPER real hahaha maybe i can predict the future. i was like, EH PEA! what you doing here? and she was like, i dont remember.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT AM I DREAMING ABOUT

so out of desperation I started watching a series called Eureka. Its a damn old series and i was actually looking for more family based comedies like "Melissa and Joey' and 'Good luck Charlie' but I think I've watched almost every possible family comedy series on Funshion already. Eureka's alright, got through episode 1 and 2. Seems interesting, shall continue watching it. there are 5 seasons HAHAHA.

anyway, i reposted this article about netizens slamming a woman who was giving out food to the poor on facebook. i don't get singaporeans you know. really don't. people just like to criticise people because they can't do the same. they can't be the hero. so they don't want anyone else to shine. mankind is really awful these days.

hahaha i just went to scroll through my previous blogposts cos i was looking for one of my old friend's birthdays and i couldn't help but smile at the past me. can you believe i am equally angsty as i was 4-5 years ago hahaha. seriously i haven't changed at all man. im still upfront about what i dont like and can't stand. but maybe as we grow older our opinions become more obsolete. even if we don't like stuff we still have to suck it up and go with the flow huh. thats what i learnt recently. ok super random post. hahaha HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DILYS JIANG IM SO SORRY! :)