hello! i think its safe to say i made use of all the time i had today. haven't had such a hectic schedule in years. went back to scraplicious today cos madeline went back to get some stuff. i love how childish she is cos pea wont play with me HAHAHA. anyway we all ate duck rice that pea said was nice and then after taking tons of pictures mad and i left.

went to gertrude jiejie's place for dinner. claypot rice ftw! they have the best food i swear. played with the kids then went to meet yanda in town. being the very loving godsister that i am i treated him to dinner and starbucks HAHA.

everything with fries

talked alot about life and shit. then he wanted to walk home so i walked with him to fareast (from cuppage). like whuuuuuutt.. haha. yea i almost died walking but whats new. i swear people kept staring cos they probably thought he was my boyfriend or i was his sugar mom or something. i HAVE to stop hanging out with people who are younger than me. my bro's 18, madeline's 17. yea go figure haha.

was supposed to study tonight but shit cropped up as usual. can you really blame me for being so vulgar and foul tempered seriously? anyway i just realised a lot of mean words rhyme. like bitch, witch, snitch, ditch.. haha random. i like being straight forward. sometimes people just need to hear it. i'm not judging them by telling them what they are, its more of IMO kinda thing. take it or leave it luh.

meeting jiawen for her photoshoot tomorrow hehe good night.

 

xoxo, cherryl

Just another Sunday.

hello! i went to work today in the morning. I swear I have nv been so disciplined in my life. Like turning up for work albeit always a little late BUT better late than never right?

anyway baby overslept so I surprised him at his house instead :) was so tired I just fell asleep -_- ordered pizza hit! And watched catch me if you can. Ya ya I know it's an old show but I haven't seen it! couldn't watch finish though:( baby had to go back to army.

Anyway hahaha! The game below damn cute!!!!! It's called 'Smack Gugl'. hahaha.

I'm so tired but I don't wanna sleep hahaha. exams are in 8 days :( I'm so tired I dont feel like studying also :( aiyarrrr :(

Okay bye!

good morning world.

friends of mine would be wondering why I'm up at this time. yes youre right I haven't slept haha. Was studying at macs. I find it consoling to sit there with my notes even though the rate we absorb is like negative hundred. It's a start. and the company is the best :)

I will be stopping work for a week to study. And probably the first week of may too. can practically hear the money flying away.

gonna clean the house tmr and surprise my parents with a clean house when they return :) okay but for now I really need to sleep cos my head hurts like hell. I think there's something growing in there. The pain has been more frequent these days. I mean I don't wanna sound like a hypochondriac or anything but you never know? Maybe that's what I need to make a change in my life. give me that little nudge I need.

I would like to think that sometimes people pick quarrels with someone so that it's easier to be apart from them when it's really necessary. but I think it's just another one of my dumb theories. cos humans are so selfish that everything done is for their self interest.

Ahhhhhhhhh head pain. Kkkkkk bye

hey all!

hehe wear white day at work. Picture below. hahaha. It was supposed to be once a week but now it's like every other day if we are in the mood hahaha.

still brooding over my legs. Felt especially sad when my colleague asked, no, she exclaimed 'what happened to your leg?!?!' bummer. :( I thought the silence spoke for itself.

I know I shouldn't be counting down but it's the anniversary of something really sad that happened last year coming up soon. I guess girls tend to remember the details. Joshua if you have to ask me what this is I will have to kill you.

Gahhhh :( nothing great has happened so far that makes me wanna thank god I'm alive. Nothing is enough to overwhelm these feelings of anguish. I do hope someday I become someone who instead of bringing people down, can be someone who makes people wanna live their life. I have to get out and have a life first, duh.

I have to stop thinking so much before I sleep. cos I always stay awake for like damn long. OK I SHALL GO INTO ZEN/NO THINKING mode now :)

I was watching a bluebottle yesterday. In an effort to escape the living room, he kept flying against the window, hitting his head against the glass over and over. Then he stopped launching himself at it like a missile and stuck to one little windowpane, buzzing about like he was having a panic attack. It was frustrating to watch, especially because if he'd just flown up a little bit higher towards the top of the window, he'd have been free. But he just kept doing the same thing over and over again. I could imagine his frustration of being able to see the trees, the flowers, the sky, yet not being able to get to them. I tried to help him a few times, to guide him towards the open window, but he flew away from me around the room. He'd eventually come back to the same window and I could almost hear him: "Well, this is the way I came in..."

I wonder if my watching him from the armchair is what it's like to be God, if there is a God. He sits back and sees the big picture, just as I could see that if the bluebottle just moved up the window to the top, then he'd be free. He wasn't really trapped at all, he was just looking in the wrong place. I wonder if God can see a way out for me and mum. That idea brings me comfort. Well, it did, until I left the room and returned a few hours later to find a dead bluebottle on the windowsill. It may not have been him but still... Then to show you where my mind is right now, I started crying...

Then I got mad at God because in my head the death of the bluebottle meant mum and I might never find our way out of this mess. What good is it being so far back you can see everything and yet not doing anything to help?

Then I realised that I was the God on this occasion. I had tried to help the bluebottle, but it wouldn't let me. And then i felt sorry for God because i understood his frustration. Sometimes when people offer a helping hand, it gets pushed away. People always want to help themselves first.

-Cecelia Ahern, The Book of Tomorrow

heyho !
it was maxidress day at work today. 

 

 joshy came to pick me up after work :) sometimes i think i can't take it anymore that he's in army all the time. i mean, where the hell is my boyfriend when i need him?! but everytime i see him again i know its all worth it. anyway its only 7 more months. i can wait 7 more months.... 

the following picture is not for the weak ! this is how my leg looks like now.

its so awful :( i really hope it goes away soon otherwise i will just start hating my body more than i already do.

some pictures of me hahaha. how often does that happen.

been feeling kinda down lately. i know these feelings strike once in awhile but i used to be able to figure out whats wrong but not this time. maybe its the upcoming exams which i have yet to prepare for, maybe its my job.. i dont know. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGUHGUGHUGHGUGHGUHGUGHUGHGGGGGG.

meaningless post. bye :(

Had quite the day today. I think my luck has been really down lately. I wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow I get robbed on the way home or if a bus runs over me. The problem with bad luck is that it doesn't go away unless something drastic happens again to change the cycle. And nothing drastic is going to happen to me for awhile now.

WELL.. went to work as usual. late as usual. I actually have new found respect for my boss for not firing me . I do sometimes think about quitting because I feel so bad that I can't do anything to change. I'm mad serious. It's like an illness I can never be on time for anything.

Anyway, met jiawen after that. On the way there I bumped into some weird people as usual. I always do when I leave work at 4-5pm. This student sat next to me in the bus and started saying 'you can't count water, cos water SO MUCH!' and he just kept saying 'SO MUCH!' it was really weird. Then I accidentally bumped into a blind guy and he walked into a chair. like what the hell I'm so sorry.

Went to eat chargrill with jiawen then we decided to do facial. So as you can guess, no pictures cos I forgot to take a picture before facial and who the hell takes a picture after?! Oh went to see a doctor for my leg also. For those who don't know, they are really badly bitten. Like really. And it was starting to spread so I was kinda worried. Anyway, the doctor says its eczema so fuck my life. Cos who gets eczema at this age right. jiawen says I'm allergic to something in the grass which is like HAHAHAHA soil ah. HAHAHA she v funny.

:( I don't wanna have eczema :( My parents will probably link link link and attribute it back to how messy and dirty my room is HAHAHA. speaking of which, I am so broke -_- I thought I was doing well until I activated my stupid debit cards and bought a shitload of stuff online. yay me.....

Okay gonna bathe and study. BYEEEE.

So today was a pretty bad day. Trying hard to count my blessings but it's a tad hard with all the shit that's been going on.

I hate having scars from whatever. And right now my legs look abysmal. Shoes can't even cover the scars. :( I have legs only joshy would love. Haaaaaah.

Have been feeling under the weather. But I always do when exams are coming. :/ Feeling better already though my throat really hurts. Sore throats are the worst cos you can't eat -_- at least IMO.

Almost forgot I had to work tomorrow cos it wasn't on the schedule but I made a swap w yizhen. thank god she reminded me about it.

I hate quarreling with anybody. When the anger dies down I just feel like I was mean (which I probably was) and then I have this urge to apologise and let people step all over me again. It's an illness. I actually can't stand it when people are mad at me. Keeps me up all night so if any of you ever wanna irritate the hell out of me or just watch me shrivel and die in a pool of guilt, please do just ignore me when I'm mad at you.

Random but I just wanted to feel like I was having a conversation. Yes, very sad okay bye.

Freedom isn't always what I thought it would feel like. I think I subconsciously like my mother to be busy around the house and nag and my dad to just be cracking jokes here and there. I miss coming home even more when the house is empty. Like this need to fill it up temporarily.

Hi y'all :)

Firstly, happy 15 mths baby! although you are always in army on our anniversaries hahaha still love you.

been quite the fruitful day for me. Only cos it was so packed w events and not cos I was actually doing something productive for myself like studying.

Met jiawen in the morning. Like rly early morning. I probably felt bad for psing her so many times we agreed to go to the gym and what not that my conscience woke me up. Hahaha. Long story short, it rained, cabbed to town, ate, went fort canning after rain stopped, battled w a thousand mosquitoes, the humidity and whatnot, and got her photoshoot done. although we met rly early we only ended at like 6, just in time for me to grab a drink and meet the SIM people next. hahaha it was fun bitch, don't have to feel bad k.

met sam fandy and yixiang in town. Ate ippudo ramen for dinner. Super overpriced ramen for average taste in my opinion. Went to coffee club after that to just chill. I love meeting up w them. Just super nonsense and verbal bitch slapping all the way hahaha. Went home. met geok to chill and just reached home.

okay I'm using blogger app so I'm just gonna be like pea and spam all the photos below in random order hahaha.

Anyway I was wearing long pants today so all my Mosquito bites are concentrated at my ankles and toes and it's rly hideous like I have some disease. Not feeling too well either, head hurts and my feet feel super heavy. Maybe it's psychological? Anyway I'm off to bed. Work tmr!

Just caught The Vow on Funshion and i think its a really stupid predictable movie. i don't even know how people cry to that movie. im not being a cynic here, i am a sucker for sappy love movies. and it usually doesnt take much for me to cry but that movie did nothing for me. disappointed in the whole story line. especially the part where her dad had an affair. i was like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. ughhhh. seriously? and the way she decided to get to know Leo again was just PLAIN DUMB AND ABRUPT. i could go on for days.

Holler y'all ! Quick updates: 1: upset that mad and lefa are no longer gonna be working :/ which makes weekends even more unbearable. cos like I can still stick to pea and irritate the hell outta her on weekdays hehe 2: I think I'm actually doing a great job with my salary this month cos I still have like 3/4 left which is good compared to close to zero around this time last month 3: exams are in half a month and I have yet to even flip through my notes, FOR THE FIRST TIME. That's about it. That's what my life has been about. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm going to regret not making a mark at any one point of my life but like diets, I have zero motivation.

lately I've been thinking what people actually do when they feel like they are stuck in a rut and crave something new. some say they find meaning out of where they are and so far no one has told me that they would get up and make a change. Though, that's the very first thing I thought.

I guess if a sudden change was made we would end up craving for our routine again. sometimes people don't realize that they are just afraid that they can't get something better than what they have now and they end up thinking they are happy anyway. Cos it's the safest bet. It's like, okay it's not perfect but I guess good is enough. I don't aim to have a perfect life; but I do wish certain aspects in my life were. Isn't that what keeps you going? If everything in your life is just good then what the hell are you living for?

The art of getting by

I have had this whole day to myself. with the grace of joshy I managed to almost spend the entire day without talking to anyone and just think about what has been going on.

Ive watched shows that are supposed to give you an alternative outlook to life. 'The art of getting by' taught me that we all think that life is meaningless sometimes. If the end point is death, why try? Which made a lot of sense to me before I knew where the movie was headed. We just have to find meaning to carry on. for the people we love. Even if what we are doing seems meaningless to us, the happiness of the people we love accounts for everything else.

Then I watched 'Eat pray love' which I know I am a little slow in catching but it taught me just as much and just when I needed it. It made me wonder though, if that's just all we need in life. Comfort food, a prayer to calm ourselves now and then and someone to love. in my opinion Julia Roberts wasn't that screwed up in the first place so it must not have taken her a lot to find peace.

I really liked both shows though, because both taught me to be brave when it comes to love and hurt is inevitable. I especially love the part in 'Eat pray love' where she talks about the ruins in Rome. but I guess that's incomplete and I have to read the book to get greater understanding of what Elizabeth Gilbert really wanted to bring across to her readers.

But that's that. for now I'll just go back to what i know best.

I'm a horrible horrible person.

I think I need some time alone. Doesn't everyone?

ANYWAY im pretty upset, again, that i lost my old account burningspirit :( IT HAS LIKE ALL MY MEMORIES EVER. yea, now my life's just a blank. isn't it amazing how i can make everything sound emo hahahahaha. kidding.

a second ANYWAY, im just gonna blog about my life recently cos i know this place has been a grave yard.

my dad's birthday in feb! bad hair day i must say.

 

and here's my cuteypie gerbils that i got 2 weeks ago hehe. everyone says their gross. their not i tell you, NOT.

  

they are terrible afraid of everything though. which reminds me of my dog last time who was scared of plastic bags.......... why so cute haha. 

and i bumped into mr chacko at parkway a few days ago. weird coincidence.

madeline made this for me at work which i think was rly cute. i am really weird i know i swear im not a lesbian HAHAHA.

and i drew this for jonnie on draw sth which i think IS REALLY CUTE imo. hahaha

to almost end this post, here are some big ass pictures of myself because i dont camwhore much these days. not that you know of. HAHAHA

and to end, something that i remind myself of everyday. :)

its not that i go around everyday asking joshy these weird questions please haha. so baby i wanna thank you for loving me and although some days we doubt each others love but ultimately inside, i know that yours is true and i hope you feel the same way too.

okay! i think this post is great effort since i didn't post pics for a thousand years alrdy hahahaha bye.

recently i have been feeling lost. done and said things that were unforgivable and pushed people away. i know this sounds strange but i finally feel peaceful. i've found my peace with god. its just amazing to have faith in someone who has performed miracles for me before and i dont know why i ever lost touch.

actually i do. its because of shame. im ashamed of my actions every now and then. and i dont wanna bring down the good christianity name if i can't be a reflector. i still can't. but small steps yes? i once went on a 1 month fast from my computer and considering how hard up i was in the past that was a big sacrifice for me because i rly felt like dying. im not saying im gonna be jumping right back in and making promises with god instantly but im gonna start small. i'll be starting from my words. gonna cut down on vulgarities yes? but sarcasm is a must. HAHA okay kidding.

i wanna thank this person for touching me with how strong their faith is. its inspiring. with all thats been going down lately i could use some inspiration.

bye!

in an extremely solemn mood tonight. no music, no phone, just me and my thoughts.

i think there comes a point in life where you realise that holy shit, you're not 20 anymore, you're twenty fucking TWO. and there are just some things that you shouldn't be playing around with anymore.

family is the first. i mean, if your relationship with your family is bad at this age, its probably going to stay like this for the rest of your life and theirs. after a certain age, its just plain awkward to make things right. unless of course, your life is a fucking dramatic tv series where you find out you have cancer and then the whole world suddenly seems to give a shit. well guess what? you are healthy and your relationship with your parents still suck. i think its quite sad that your family is never going to accept you for who you are and after so many years together they still think they can change you to be someone they want you to be. lack of effort, bad communication, you name it. im not going to lie. my relationship with my family is so bad i can cry when they do something nice for me out of the blue because i will feel so loved. other than that, silence. which of course, was cool during teenage years but now it just stinks.

i will never understand why they dont see eye to eye with me and they are never going to condone my behaviour, ever. relationship with my sister is no better. if we can live under the same roof just next door to each other and not talk for weeks, i think when we get our own houses and all, we wont be talking for years. which sucks, duh. because i do love her as much as she tends to be a bitch sometimes. i will never stop standing up for her to anyone who puts her down but thats about it. yes surely some of you are going "its never too late". fuck that shit. i'll trade shoes with you for a day and you'll see what im talking about.

secondly, friendships. okay, i give up. there are some people that are just NOT GOING TO GIVE A FUCKING SHIT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY. because they are fucking self obsessed in their own fucking world and everything is about them them them. at this age, i really dont give a shit if you call me up when you break up or when your exams were very tough and what not. so save me the trouble of entertaining you just because you are a fucking long time friend and just go bother some of your other 'friends'. im not afraid to say this because i know i've done my part as a friend. you know why? cos if you dont have a close family connection, the next group of people you will turn to are your friends right? so i used to treasure these fucking friends like damn a lot but not anymore. you dont deserve a single piece of attention from me, not even from my middle finger.

i dont get it sometimes. is it that hard to just call someone up if you miss them or wanna keep in touch instead of waiting to be called every single FUCKING TIME. where the fuck is your effort? yes im angry. because i wasted so much time on you bitches. if i could go back in time now i would surely tell past me not to entertain your snotty little bitch asses.

then of course there are friends like jiawen whom you know loves you and you will love them till you die cos seriously, friends like her are so hard to come by. the effort is just, inexplicable. friends like her, i am willing to do anything for (within my means) because i know she'd do the same. geok, who yes, likes to disappear but when you are in deep shit she will come running to you. and thats the kind of friend we all need cos at this age, I KNOW PEOPLE START RUNNING AWAY WHEN YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT. and of course, friends like pea who you cannot imagine life without though sometimes you wanna bitch slap them cos they know you inside out but thats normal in our friendship hehe.

thirdly, relationships. ok im not gonna talk about this, was gonna but not anymore. cos i haven't learnt anything that i will carry with me for life. all im carrying are my regrets.

SO, i guess thats it for today.

hola !

haven't really had time these days to sit down and blog like old times. i don't know if im lonelier now or back then when i used to blog about 5 times a day HAHAHA.

2 weird things happened to me today.

weird thing number 1:

guy: hi do you work here?
me: um yes.
guy: whens your lunch time?
me: dont have one
guy: oh its ok. can i have your number then?
me: sorry im engaged -shows multiple rings on hand and walks away-

weird thing number 2:
uncle: miss ah?
me: -look up-
uncle: aye, bu cuo ah. (not bad ah) -walk away-

im starting to think parkway is really really weird. but nonetheless, confidence booster HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

nothing to look forward to -_- joshy is only ORDing in november which is ffffcking long? so put that aside for now. cos if i were to be looking forward to something in november it might as well be my birthday right HAHAHA.

i have major mood swing problems k bye.

i think ultimately people prefer cheery people? right? i mean as compared to someone who looks fierce and all. can't really choose who you wanna be though. you were born with that face for life.

Fuck this shitass fag day.

holla everybody !

i wonder if i'll still blog when i go out to work in the future cos it would seem so juvenile then. anyway. i think i have an affinity with bugs. i can casually lean my head back and stare at the ceiling and spot a tiny ant. and i can spot the occasional cockroaches in joshys car from like miles away. which scares me cos no one should have an eye for such things right.

bored to death lately. still working and studying. so far so good. thank god my boss is reasonable and nice. still thinking if i will continue working after pea leaves though. anyway. been working on a layout for awhile now. but nothing goes with the NSF uniform that joshy is wearing soooo.......

alright. just a short post. toodles.

I am afterall, just someone with a fucked up attitude and tone.

Amazing how I've heard that from you so many times and I can still feel hurt and cry about it. Cos I believed you were supposed to bring me up not put me down.. it was never like that.

hola !

so for valentines joshy couldn't leave camp though i kept hoping and hoping. aww but he had a bouquet of flowers delivered to my shop while i was working! haha.


yes i did tell him not to get me flowers okay i know how expensive they are and all. but i guess guys will never put cost over the girl they love. anyway i was really surprised hahaha. yay. thanks baby :)

and the day after i went to meet jiawen at 4plus at her place. i hate it when the roads are wet and every step i take i will kick some black shit water onto my legs. anyway after jwen went to singapore post to deliver her parcels we headed down to china square to collect cupcakes for pea :)

a few weeks ago she said she wanted blue cupcakes so we got it for her hahaha. happy birthday pea! this is probably the first birthday we actually celebrated for you on time hahaha. i love you even though you are damn neurotic and squeaky hahaha. i love working with you and im gonna miss you bigbig time when you leave !

yup we went macs for supper after that. though its just a short while it was damn funny and all. hehe okay.

anyway i didnt go to school today cos i am damn sick. and i just discovered something today. my mom is exactly like me. like she has a problem saying 'are you alright? are you too tired from working and schooling together?' she will say it in some other way that may sound offensive like me but actually she totally means to say that she cares. we totally have that in common man.

SO ANYWAY. I AM STILL WAITING FOR GEOK TO SHOW UP IF SHE EVER WILL. gonna start on my proj first. bye!

hiiiii !

celebrated our 13 mths plus vday today. went to Les Bouchons at Ann Siang. didn't know joshy asked jiawen for details about the place and booked prior to today hehe. had a really pricey meal but it was alright! the food was not oh-my-god good but above standard i guess. i really liked the escargots.

had a good laugh at the waitress plus i was kinda tipsy after drinking wine so i practically giggled at everything.




after that we went to fly the lantern that jiawen bought us. i was REALLY afraid that it would land somewhere and set like the whole forest on fire though. pretty scary. the fire was really really big.

anyway had a good laugh, yet again, at joshy's chinese. YOU WOULD THINK THAT SOMEONE FROM A CHINESE SPEAKING FAMILY COULD WRITE SIMPLE CHINESE WORDS BUT NO HAHAHAHA. HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO WRITE 'LOVE' IN CHINESE.

i just drew something wherever he wrote something wrong and wrote for him hahaha.



ok we didn't read the instructions before hand so we were just flinging the lantern around i swear it was bloody hilarious hahaha




aww there it goes!!

hahaha thanks sbitch for the mega entertaining lantern hahaha. you might wanna write the words at home though. we wrote it on the hood of his car with mighty strong wind and people walking hahaha.

okay hehe good night!

today was an awesome fun day with joshy hehe.

went to the pasar malam near joshys place and bought a pretty lighter. then we started playing all the retarded games. shooting the ridiculously small duck to get a prize and throwing balls at cans hahaha. the gun used for shooting is so cool i want it!

stumbled upon the buffalo wings shop near his place, newly opened and decided to challenge ourselves hahaha. ordered level 4 wings and it was hell hot man. both ate till our lips turned damn red and tears were at the brim of our eyes haha. couple beside us ordered level 5. after taking 2 mouths the guy asked the waiter for a jug of ice water HAHAHAHA. HAHAHA. it was damn funny la.

anyway. yay! didnt waste sunday like we used to haha. we would always wake up at 6-7pm cos we wld hang out till 4-5am the previous night. then we would only have like 1 hours to meet before he would have to go back army :(

hehe okay. byebye.

hiiii. I don't even know why I'm blogging cos I'm pretty sure at this age no one really reads peoples blogs anymore. Oh well, old habits die hard.

was supposed to go comfortdelgro to sign up for driving in the morning but jw and I were both too tired to get out of bed. that's totally what I love about jw. so realistic and practical. Like, tired then postpone la why force yourself to go out and feel like shit right.

Anw so we decided to go in the evening. Went down to SMU to acc jw for her flea and totally got lost there. I hate tht place ah. So many freaking buildings for what leh seriously. Across the road also have. cb walk until I wanna die. hahaha okay her friend came halfway and when flea ended we lugged a shitload of things home w hw. that's probably why I will nv ever do what she do ah. I'm totally not independent enough to go places alone and sell stuff.

Went CDC. Took 2 passport photos but both look like shit HAHAHA IT'S SUCH A BAD DAY. Waited 1 hour only to find out that the private one close alrdy. so we basically cab down there and waited so long for nothing. Can die ah.

met joshy hehehe :D yup. Went cityplaza to eat the ban mian. Then jw's friend went off and the three of us sat in the car thinking of what to do but gave up and jw went home hahaha

Did u know kbox charges are like 43.20 nett per person? Who in the right mind wld pay that? -_-

Anw ok I have work tmr! thank god only pm shift. I am gonna hate work on Saturdays cos pea is only working weekdays -_- fffff. okay. good night!

i've thought about it and it has been a hell of a long time since i actually sat down and really blogged like the past. i think my previous posts used to have more substance and what not cos they were always filled with my thoughts and blahhhhhhhhhh. im too busy for that now!

okay just a quick update. as you know im currently working and studying and i would just love to see how that turns out. then again, i was never as in love with money as i am now. used to be the kind of girl who would just spend whatever she has without any worries. im proud of myself actually because i never did like too many responsibilities. never wanted to be prefect, student council, head of cca committees or whatever. zero responsibilities, come and go as i like. so i think im growing up hehehe. actually pretty worried that i would not be able to cope with my projects and stuff but i'll take whatever as it comes.

the extra income would be good i guess. i mean i hate teaching tuition because honestly i dont think i could help them much anyway. and with the extra money, joshy wouldn't have such a heavy financial burden. hahaha i bet he yearrrrrns for the day i would stop lazing around at home and get off my ass and do something for myself.

ok secondly, im so into mahjong now that joshy says he wants to call the gambling addiction hotline HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. sigh.

chinese new year was normal. more boring than ever this year but still great i guess to see everyone. hehe bye!

BTW BTW! ok so like on my first day I told pea how pretty the green frame in the shop was and on my second day she gave it to me as my 21st gift! Hahaha AWESOME MUCH? ITS RLY DAMN PRETTY LOOK LOOK !

Haha thanks pea!!!! <3

I hope I fall very ill or die an instant death so I can make my family the happiest people on earth. I'll be the happiest.

Work with pea these 2 days was damn awesome! Hahaha. can't wait for my next weekday schedule:)

i am still in a holiday mood. school seems to have no impact on me yet. maybe cos after tmr i have a break AGAIN till 2nd feb. maybe i'll get serious then hehehe.

i went to do mani and pedi w joshy's mom just now! hahaha very happy ah i wanted to do for damn long hahaha now free one somemore :) hehehe.

okay school again tmr. then long long break. work on thurs and friday though. pretty excited hahaha last time i worked w pea was like end of sec 4 i think.

WHY SO CUTE?

Hate to talk to people who love to move the attention of the topic to themselves. Like, hold up please, we'll get there eventually right. World does not revolve around u man so learn to deal with other peoples problems too instead of just wanting the limelight to themselves. not sure if you guys get what I mean, I know jonnie does.

My feng shui app says that today is a good day which in my opinion IS A FUCKING LIE. fuck this day TTM.

Just watched The Switch (1991). its so beautiful omg.

It's about a man who got killed by these women who hated him cos he's a womanizer. then when he went to some passageway between heaven and hell God gave him a choice of going to heaven but before that he had to go back to earth as a woman and find one girl who didn't hate him. then he/she slept with his/her best friend and got pregnant but if she decided to have the baby she would die. and as a guy he already loved kids so right after she gave birth to her daughter she said 'I think she likes me' then she died and went to heaven. AW?

sucker for such movies man.

I think people who are genuinely in love wouldn't change a thing about their partner if they could. I think that's what true love is; you look at each others flaws and coverups but all you see is perfection. of course there will be times when a certain trait or idiosyncrasy of theirs drives you crazy and you rant about it to your friends. But you would never say 'I wish he wasn't like that'. that's the magic of it. you rant and rant about his mistake but you would never think to say you wish he was something else. because you don't.

Thats what I think love is.

I couldn't ask for more :)

Chain texts

yay!!! pea got me an interview at the place she's working at and I'm gg down tmrrrr ! I SO HOPE I GET IT. haha first I'll be working w pea again which I am mega excited to. and there's no dress code or anything which is like MEGA AWESOME. best job lobang ever hahaha THANKS BITCH!

anyway i sent this chain mail last night cos it said I wld be happy today but for the whole day I didn't feel like I was particularly happy hahaha. I guess im actually pretty happy now, what w the interview and first year all coming up.

Hahaahhahahahha anyway why do friends ask me why i send them chain texts. u dont like then delete la why must ask ah so funny. ya I v bored my bf in army so I hv to send chain mages to kill time can? HAHAHAA kidding. ok I nv slp last night I think I shld now before I hit high and nv come down again.

bye!!

1. You are walking in the woods. You are not alone. Who’s with you?
joshy

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. what kind of animal?
A MOUSE

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
i try all sorts of sounds on it (cat/dog/mouse) but it just stares at me

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and you are at your dream house.
windows with white curtains, 2 stories max w a cute roof and no attic. plants all around the front, a little path and a cute gate leading up to it. oh, and its green :)

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
well yea, what use is a gate if there are no fences.

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining table is covered with?
roast beef, mashed potatoes, salmon teriyaki, pokka green tea!

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
a wine glass

8. What do you do with that cup?
im so lazy i'll probably just leave it where it is haha

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at what body of water?
a very small stream

10. How do you cross that body of water?
just step over it ah HAHAHA

The ANSWERS
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important to you.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You’d prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your relationships.

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

everything about my relationships is bad. bummer.

i can't sleep and its driving me NUTS. :( my cough is TERRIBLE. its worse than the last time i had an itchy cough :( yea see, the last time i had to get off the bus cos i was so embarrassed with myself coughing like i had TB. what the fuck causes the itchiness :( imma dig my fingers in and grab it out. kidding.

anyway its my 1st year w joshy this week but he's gonna be in camp so we're celebrating on the weekend instead. mega excited :) we've come a long way man. like the saying goes, time flies when you're having fun i guess.

im hungry so i guess i'll grab something to eat from my kitchen. byeee

NMTB.

you know the feeling where you know something is not right but you just keep doing it and at the end of each day you just burst into tears and wonder why you feel like you've been stabbed over and over again at the same spot? and then you wonder if its better to stop doing whatever it is then you start crying again because you don't want to and can't bear to? and then and then you start laughing cos you can't believe what a mess you are? then you are sobbing and laughing at the same time cos the sadness is overwhelming? you know?

no you dont know.

gee i can't believe i have to head down to school tmr for enrollment AGAIN. super hate traveling to school. UGHHHHHHHHH. hate being broke too. am like super broke now and i need cash like in ONE FREAKING WEEK cos its my first year w joshy and i obviously have something planned. JUST THAT EVERYTHING NEEDS MONEY. unhappy :(

why, good morning.

my holidays will be over next week. sigh. school from monday to saturday. man :( on the bright side, one more year! one more year!

anyway i downloaded this app called brilliant quotes and a few caught my eye --

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right" - Henry Ford
i guess it means that if you think you can't do it then chances are you will nv be able to. yup pretty awesome.

omfg! i went to my kitchen to cook myself some good old seafood maggie mee and i kicked over something lightly and before i switched on the lights i was thinking "haha what would i do if that was a cockroach and it crawled over my leg now" and when the lights were on i looked down and saw a flipped cockroach. WHAT THE FUCK! i literally stood there with my jaw dropped and stared at the cockroach and like i dont even know what was running through my mind cos i was SO DISGUSTED. anyway i thought it was dead but apparently ITS NOT SO LIKE FUCK IT I JUST STEPPED ON A LIVING COCKROACH, BARE FOOTED MIND YOU UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUHUGHUGHU!??!?!?!!?

i am so wearing my slippers from now on. omfg. damn disgusted.

walau i miss my long hair man. i didnt perm it btw hahahaha. v sad now. gonna take me like maybe 1.5 yrs to grow.

okay this and last week was quite fulfilling. these are the things i did:

-met pea and jwen together after what seemed like eternity. went to fareast to chill and shop. it was pouring that day and jwen and pea were so nice to acc me to take a puff outside even though the rain was just coming at us. jwen even opened an umbrella hahaha aww so sweet y'all. after pea left joshy gave jwen a lift to pasir ris where i bumped into terry my retarded cousin who just booked out of army. happy :) after which i realised i had dropped my key earlier in the day so joshy went back to orchard with me to try and find it. couldn't find it in the end and i was pretty sad aww. end night.

-did full face threading which was mofo pain and to which i had an allergic reaction to the powder they put on your face before they do the actual threading. but my face is as smooth as tofu now. went to serangoon pet mart to look at my tiny little cute animals. didn't buy in the end cos the shop was closing and i didn't want to make an impulse buy.

-went to do eyelash extensions at fareast. im pretty satisfied with it except for the fact that i worry day and night that they would drop out before the minimum 2 weeks period and its only like my 4th day having it. also, its really tough to wash my face. think i'll think twice before putting them again. but ohwell, small price to pay for beauty.

-accompanied jwen to fareast YET AGAIN with jwen cos she wanted to do too. amanda joined shortly after and we walked around fareast, AGAIN till joshy came and it was time to watch alvin and the chipmunks. AMANDA'S CHOICE. i felt so bad i turned and said sorry to joshy halfway through the movie hahaha. joshy and i went to play l4d with JJ after that. anyway, it was a pretty fun day :)

-met joyce for lunch today at aljunied. the chicken rice at GMSS is just oh so good. conned innzheng into coming down to the coffeeshop (just below his house) and we went up to his house shortly after to play with his cutey dog. tiff came after while and we went to joyce's house cos inn had to go out. kinda big change of plans today cos we were originally supposed to head to town. anyway hung at joyce's place like old times and we later decided to play mahj so i called joshy over. played awhile and tiff had to go so geok came over to play. and yup that was kinda it. surprisingly, meeting joyce and tiff after -insert time period longer than eternity- was not as awkward as we all thought it would be. we've changed and stuff but we're still the same when we all hang together i guess.

and thats about it! on a side note, thankyou joshy for taking a whole week to accompany me and for being so nice as to send my friends here and there after meeting up. i don't believe i could find anyone as sweet and as generous as you baby :) <3

anyway a new year is coming, again. i do hope its the end of the world though cos i totally wanna do over my life. just start all over. but we all know thats not gonna happen. 2011 was like the shittiest year ever in my entire life. i've never had this much shit thrown in my face ever. and as emotional as i may be i am so not exaggerating. anyway, resolutions? i'll have to think about those. dear god please be nice to me next yr so that i can be nice to people and santa wont have to give me shit.

love!

i think im a very unaccomplished person. how come i feel like there's nothing to look forward to anymore and time is still slipping away?

take not, want not.

People always say that u shld be w someone who makes you feel better about yourself... I guess they are right cos the other way, you just feel like killing yourself all the time.

I haven't been the best friend, daughter, sister, person. Far from it. I guess it's hard to spread the love when you're buried so deep in your own unhappiness. I even feel unhappy when I'm happy. I pity myself sometimes. When you are unable to feel happiness from the heart I guess you're no different from being dead.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

im bored out of my senses. really. im so bored i feel like crying man. stupid holidays..

The year is finally coming to an end. It has really been a year of trials and tribulations - not to sound cliche or anything. On this night where I've got One Republic's All This Time on repeat, it seems the darkness has covered the world with a blanket of silence; with nothing but the bittersweet taste of reminisce hanging around, toying my mind.


The song just makes you stare into space and think.