Just a little bit

I think I could stand to be a little more.. bearable, a little less.. critical and moody all the time.

This is a big sorry to everyone I've ever offended with my attitude. They say your character is who you are while your attitude depends on who you're dealing with. I think my attitude has become my character and I am just treating everyone equally. Equally bad, that is. I sometimes feel that without this, I have nothing. Would you rather no one ever remembered you or would you rather people hate you for who you are? Honestly I want neither.

Feeling really upset now because I feel like I let down someone who truly loves me when I flung my attitude in his face. I do think it's PMS; highly possible. But it's true, it's not the first time I've done it. Sometimes it's like I'm being possessed. I can't control the mean things that come out of my mouth. Sometimes I didn't mean to say it like that but a black cloud just comes over me and suddenly I feel like the person I'm talking to is such a fucking moron that I just have to scold them or show them a black face.

This is why I believe that when I die, it will do everyone good. No one will have to put up with my attitude anymore and I wouldn't have to live in guilt just 5 mins after I've scolded them. I feel like dying. God please take me away, you know it would make everyone happier.

Sincerely, cherryl