pensive.

its mind boggling who God chooses to be bed ridden, or have some terminal illness. More than often, we see really good hearted people in pain and really wicked people living on forever.

sometimes i think its because if you're a really wicked person and you live on for a long time, your conscience will get to you sooner or later and you'll be tormented in the last years of your life where you are supposed to be living peacefully. your secrets will follow you to your grave but the catch is, it will be the one that murders you. is that really the case? do wicked people really have a conscience to begin with?

i dont really have an explanation for good people. maybe its because the longer you live, the higher the tendency for you to go astray. so they all die early and are remembered that way?

how does God set an expiry date for us? im puzzled. i mean if he has our lives planned out for us and he knows whats going to come. does that mean he knows that we're going to sin beforehand? what if he planned for us to be a teacher but we chose to become a pilot. are we thwarting his plans or does he already KNOW we're going to. he's really God, hands down.


the past few days have been.. tedious. super tiring trying to convince myself im stronger than that. they say the mind is a powerful thing. one day i'll become what i want myself to be.


on a totally irrelevant note, i find the following picture oddly calming.