ffffffffuck.
i'm just gonna be upset my whole damn life over things i can't control.

i'm abit turned off by photography now since EVERYONE is into it.
hate liking sth that everyone likes.

i think i will be fucking happy with alot of money.

i'm going crazy. i dont feel like talking to anyone right now. feel like i don't belong anywhere. i don't have an identity. people dont like me for who i am.

I LOVE FUNNY PEOPLE HAHAHA.
见一个 爱一个 HAHAHAHAH

feel damn good after eating the whole plate by myself for supper HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA NOT EASY OK. $8 CLAMS GO TRY TO FINISH HAHA. craving finally satisfied!!! and geok satisfied her ter gua mee sua craving too! good day good day!

oh after that we were sitting down talking then we saw a kitten chasing a really big rat HAHAHA i was secretly rooting for the rat! yes! it went into the drain. whoots.

i'm only gonna come out stronger. so strong i start to push everyone away.

missing you cuts like a knife.

my mood is so shit i dont even know how to express how i feel in words.

那些断翅的蜻蜓 散落在这森林
而我的眼睛 没有丝毫同情
失去你 泪水混浊不清
失去你 我连笑容都有阴影
风在长满青苔的屋顶
嘲笑我的伤心
像一口没有水的枯井
我用凄美的字型
描绘后悔莫及的那爱情

is there a difference between being a very very nice person and being a loser (in a sense that you wouldn't stand up for yourself even if you are being unfairly treated)?


it really is a game afterall, isn't it?
a game which i only have a losing strategy for.

i hate it when they say "5-10 minutes walk from the MRT" tmd means if i run i will reach in 2mins?

looking for jobs already. dont wanna waste my holidays away especially since i wanna go overseas eoy. wah super drained today. nearer to exams i used to study whole day at home but my whole day consists of dreaming, tv, computer and stuff. these 2 days have literally been TWO FULL days of studying. sibei drained. sleep. sleep. sleep.

super grumpy now.

i think its damn funny that couples label their photo albums on facebook "Just Us". HAHAH like wtf, duh!? who else?! hahaha it only started to really get to me after alot of my friends did that hahaha. retarded.

anyway. i think the phrase "the elevator to success broke down so i guess i'll have to take the stairs" is really cool. haha.


AMAZING DISCOVERY:


MY BUTTER IS A VIRGIN.

being the smart aleck that i am, i thought that if i put like toppings on my bread and shove it in the toaster it will melt nicely. turned out like shit.

nutella.


peanut butter. looks like portugese egg tart right! wah super hungry!


fail.

DID I MENTION I GRADUATE IN LIKE 2 WEEKS HAHA. once exams are over, thats it! :D wah fucking happy. though, of course, gonna take degree next. thinking if i should screw up my life and do something im really interested in like psychology or go with the money making courses like business. tough tough choice. my CA results are like shit btw HAHAAHA. THANK GOD ITS THE LAST SEMESTER, I THINK IM LOSING MY PATIENCE TO STUDY.

past few days have been awesome! awesome! get it? get it? HAHAHAHAHAHA. oakyokay meeting pea and jwen at 8am tmr HAHAHHAA 8AM.

pea: "THATS LIKE 10AM IN BOTH OF YOUR WORLDS"

haha she knows us damn well. I WILL WAKE UP OK. then gonna study after that. studying has been fun too. w geok and pwen. WHOOHOO OKAYS! GONNA CATCH UNRIDDLE ON XINMSN. thank god for xinmsn haahhahah.

okay i think its weird that im blogging like that again. after 83984294389482 sad posts HAHAAHAHAHAH

OMG its damn scary when you look at a past year exam question AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT CHAPTER ITS FROM HAHAHA and exams are in 8days.
OKAY CHERRYL, YOU GOT THIS.

"To my loving husband,
May you never steal, lie or cheat.
But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows.
And if you must lie, lie with me in all the nights of my life.
If you must cheat, then please cheat death
because I couldn't live a day without you."

(:
i'm so happy.


do you honestly believe that everything happens for a reason? i dont. i think sometimes things just fall into place after lingering around for a long time. like for example when you get dumped and ten years later you find a new love. you would look back and think oh, thank god he dumped me because this is how my life is supposed to be, with my new love.

that's bullshit ok. when things happen, time naturally goes on and you will meet someone new. its not a valid reason you can use to heal your pain. because when you meet someone new its like just looking back to the past and finding closure. the hope of finding someone new wasn't the reason you healed your heart and moved past it. its just nature.

i have so much hatred in my heart its choking me. i don't even feel like talking about it anymore.

i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb

pensive.

its mind boggling who God chooses to be bed ridden, or have some terminal illness. More than often, we see really good hearted people in pain and really wicked people living on forever.

sometimes i think its because if you're a really wicked person and you live on for a long time, your conscience will get to you sooner or later and you'll be tormented in the last years of your life where you are supposed to be living peacefully. your secrets will follow you to your grave but the catch is, it will be the one that murders you. is that really the case? do wicked people really have a conscience to begin with?

i dont really have an explanation for good people. maybe its because the longer you live, the higher the tendency for you to go astray. so they all die early and are remembered that way?

how does God set an expiry date for us? im puzzled. i mean if he has our lives planned out for us and he knows whats going to come. does that mean he knows that we're going to sin beforehand? what if he planned for us to be a teacher but we chose to become a pilot. are we thwarting his plans or does he already KNOW we're going to. he's really God, hands down.


the past few days have been.. tedious. super tiring trying to convince myself im stronger than that. they say the mind is a powerful thing. one day i'll become what i want myself to be.


on a totally irrelevant note, i find the following picture oddly calming.

you know, people like the photos they take because they look good or because they capture the moment exactly the way it was.

i like them cos they portray feelings that could have been fake. could have. 99% of the photos you take are happy pictures with everyone smiling in them. kinda deceiving don't you think? don't you ever wonder why we don't take photos of the times we are sad, angry, feeling anything else other than happy? maybe we were, but we forced a smile at the camera. makes me wonder why. are we so desperate to only keep memories of the good times? or are we just desperate to forget the bad times.


feeling more doubtful about myself than ever. sometimes when people ask whats wrong its not that i don't wanna share, its because i don't think they wanna listen to my philosophy on life. like, where do i begin right? so many questions but no answers. sometimes i cook up a story to fill in the blanks. okay its not really a story, its facts. but im not as affected by it as i say i am. so people tend to think i blow up the severity of what im 'worried' about. which is not the case, really.

i don't think im a very sad or angry person. just a person filled with many doubts that i can't find answers to. i always close up and give the 'i dont care' face which is what people mistake as the emo face.

actually i dont know why im blogging all this out. i just think its interesting to have logs of what im learning about myself each day.

i personally think meeting long lost friends is stupid. i mean, all you can talk about is the past. reminisce. ya its nice to reminisce but gets kinda boring after awhile no? i mean unless its those long lost friends that you can talk cock with la. like you can laugh like shit even if you havent met them for ages. otherwise its just awkward right -_- ya you can catch up but how many years can you update them with haha. i dont know leh. i think i changed. i used to be damn sentimental and all. like meeting with old friends will be one of my priorities cos i treasure and blhablahblahbalh. but now i think i just look forward to the future. saves both parties the awkwardness and time.

maybe this is called growing up. you just take those who bother to move along with you.

hello! i went for zhang xin zhe's concert today! fucking awesomezzz! he's so cute and his voice is so nice hahahaha. disappointed at the seating and stuff though. had quite bad seats for cat 2 tickets.

other than that....... oh im in love with motorbikes :D they are fucking cool to ride!! except that they mess up your hair and stuff. i need something more more more more to make me feel alive. something that thrills me.

sometimes i think im really really troubled. then when someone asks me whats bothering me i actualy cant think of anything to reply them HAHAHAAHHHAHAH im so confused as to whether there is sth bothering me or im just moody 24/7 hahahaha. i think most of the times im just moody hahaahahaha okay im gonna be happier w the help of funny friends.

GAH why do i like to take action on things that i know will get me no where then end up being upset over the result of it hahahahaha. crazy shit. i love to possess things that people forbid me to hahahahah. maybe im desperate in that sense. desperate for something special in my life. something like that, can't really put a finger to it hahahaha all i know is if you give it to me easily i will never ever treasure it.

hmmmmmmm

oh yes tongue piercing v soon! loves.

you know sometimes 99% of the world behaves in a certain manner so when you tell them that you dont they just dont believe you. they are just non believers who refuse to accept that the 1% exists. they dont believe you because you are normal. too normal to be different. just remember that inside you are a miracle. DONT CONFORM.

jon and i were talking and i think what he said makes alot of sense. like nowadays friendships are like nothing in the past. friendships come with conditions now. fulfill the terms and conditions if you wanna continue being friends. the gossips, backstabbing, competition to be the best, etc. bring me back to the past please. haha jon damn cute he said that compared to all these complicated people we are "just peaceful deers prancing arnd that green lushy field grazing on grass and chasing ladybirds." HAHAHA.

i think technology ruined my life. i cant live a day without turning on my computer. really i cant. and it ruined my social life too. i wanna be born in the generation that didnt have such electronic devices. i wanna meet my friends in school. i wanna make phone calls using the house phone. in a way we HAVE to meet our friends if we want the friendship to continue. now its just, um, i dont know. i feel like its just very meaningless and effortless. communicating w friends i mean. hm i dont know. HAHAHAHA

okays. before my comp shut down on its own again, byebye.

and btw, love is just a second hand emotion.

i dont need people to survive.
i am a girl whose gonna be one of those independent workaholic women in the future.

i think "how was your day?" is the stupidest question ever. hello, we live in singapore with the most mundane lives ever. what did you expect me to say?

"oh fantastic, i met a dragon, slayed it and took its babies home to eat"

maybe i just feel extremely annoyed at that question because FOR SOME REASON, A LOT of people love to ask me that question. its like, if you have nothing else to say to me then don't talk to me? hahaha.

speaking of weird stuff. i got on bus 8 today, headed home. and the back door couldn't close so we had to change to another bus 8. which broke down too, 3 stops later.

HI SBS, TIME TO UPGRADE YOUR BUSES.

omgomgomg i'm so stressed up right now. i need it by the end of the week. how am i supposed to save my pride!?! need. to. find. a. solution.

why, hello!!

i've been so busy lately i hardly have time to breatheee! finally done with website and every other report for ISB. whoohoo! now left with law and macroecons haha. i haven't been having a life at all. even when my family went away for days i didn't even party. totally no time omg.

and omg school is ending soon. end of august and thats it. time to find a job!

eh.......ok no mood to blog anymore. hahahaha super lazy.

everyday i sit down with a whole load of crap to blog about but no, i choose to keep it all to myself.

anyway my family's backkkkkk! :D:D

AHHHHHHH I'M GOING CRAZY DOING THE STUPID WEBSITE. WHY THEY WANNA TORTURE US IN THE LAST SEMESTER?!?!? AND I HAVEN'T EVEN START ON ECONS AND LAW. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.