There are bigger problems in the world than yours and mine.

Don't give up on me.

Opened my eyes, it was only just a dream.

Today's topic is 'Best Female Friend' aka BFF. (inspired by Xiaxue's latest video on clicknetwork)

I guess a lot of you have like a BFF that you share your dirty secrets with, your fashion sense, your  daily experiences and stuff. But sad to say I don't have one. hahaha. I used to have a lot of friends. Like, not boasting, but seriously, a lot. And I always thought of Cheryl as my BFF cos we used to be BFF until we went to different schools and everything. So obviously she can't be counted as my BFF cos we don't even know what's going on in each other's lives. I know there's a saying that best friends don't have to meet everyday and even if they meet after 10000 years they always know what to say and it will never be awkward. that's bullshit I tell you. how can someone be considered your best friend if you don't meet for 10000 years and you guys don't bother to update each other on what's new in your life right?

So anyway, I don't know what happened to all my friends hahaha. I guess life got in the way and nobody really cares about having someone there to talk to anymore. That, or everyone has got their other half to depend on. it's not the same though. like you can't possibly tell your boyfriend about how bad your cramps hurt, or how you think this girl is a bitch or blahblah. cos guys like to solve problems. and they will give you a solution and if you don't take it they will get annoyed. but us chicas just bitch about it together then forget about it. I'm missing that outlet nowadays.

I guess because I am such a vampire, I really don't feel like meeting anyone in the day. and as such I ended up losing half of my friends. And even if we meet up we don't really do anything constructive? so I don't really have much memories of hanging out with my girl friends. I miss just hanging out in school, or going to the nearest mall to eat, class gatherings and such. Nowadays everyone is so busy they only have like 1 hour to meet you for a meal and then its byebye. Seriously I rather not waste my make up and time. These are not the kind of memories I wanna keep or can actually remember.

I always think, whose gonna be my maid of honor when I get married? Geez, I don't have any BFFs to ask. Am I gonna get married in a room full of acquaintances?

On top of this, there are just so many things that make your life better than mine. hahaha.

Speechless

I've given up. I never thought this day would come. I thought I had all the patience in the world to try and try again.

It's funny how we love people who completely don't complement us. I thought I was smarter than this. I let down everyone who ever cared about me. I know I deserve better but I can't pull myself away. I don't even know what's keeping me from letting go. I know its feelings but I refuse to believe that I would be so stupid as to love something that hurts me. I feel like such a hypocrite when I chide my friends who confide in me about their relationships. I always seem to have it all together. I seem calm and collected all the time. Does anybody see me screaming?

This love is irrational. And the damage is irreversible.



And I know that it's complicated 
But I'm a loser in love 
So baby raise a glass to mend 
All the broken hearts 
Of all my wrecked up friends

I'm such a failure. I can't get a job. I tried my best. Still trying. Still hoping. I'm such a failure.

today, i forgot that i was someone unpleasant and undeserving of any love. 

not even a fucking hello.

I don't know if not being affected by my failures is a good or bad thing. :/ It's like I don't really care hahahahahahaha

omg i had the worst experience ever.

1. i decided to finally update my iPhone's iOS to iOS 6. it was a big decision for me because i jailbroke my phone and i love my customizations to bits. but since Installous closed down and i can no longer find a suitable platform to download free applications and my phone is super laggy, i sadly updated my phone.

2. after the update my phone suddenly went crazy. it was stuck on reboot loop. meaning they just kept showing the apple logo then blacking out and the whole process will keep going on and on. the phone will never turn on.

this is when i knew i was in deep shit luh. who knew unjailbreaking your phone would be such a pain in the ass.

3. i tried to remove the iPhone battery and disconnected it from the phone. but after reconnecting and pressing the power button the whole process just continued again. and Apple is damn fucked up by the way, the screws they use are STAR SHAPED. and believe me i don't think any of you have a star shaped screw driver at home.

4. so i tried setting my phone to DFU mode but IT JUST KEPT FLASHING THE APPLE LOGO AT ME AGAIN AND AGAIN. can cry. at this point i was super frustrated already.

5. found this link which saved my ass. [THE LINK] but it probably wont mean a thing to any of you hahahahaha

6. so my phone finally responded to something. and i put it to recovery mode on itunes. bear in mind, i can't back up because my itunes couldn't detect my phone in this state.

7. i think i tried the whole process like 4 times. fucking tedious. and my phone finally got to working.

BUT,

i could only restore it from my last back up date which was 1 August 2012. so i lost half of my pictures and messages. and i feel v sad about it. :/ bang wall and die kind of sad.

:( at least my phone can on and off now -_-

The dark side

Sometimes when I'm angry I punch things then when I calm down, I think of stabbing that person over and over again until the last thing they see would be my knife with their blood and the last thing they feel would be the amount of pain I had to go through because of them.

I think I've gone over to the dark side.

The word 'Irony' is used too often, and often wrong.

I'm so fucking sick of being poor. I know I've made some bad decisions in my life and I totally have the 'Spend all your money today cos you are going to die tomorrow' mindset. BUT THAT'S GONNA CHANGE. I DON'T WANNA BE POOR ANYMORE I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING AT ALL UGHHHHHHHHH

in the foulest of moods today. i hate confrontations.

All things happen for a reason

why, hello. 

my days have been good. i think i got more than i deserved and sometimes i dont know how to appreciate it. 

i have been plagued with the problems of my friends and i use the word plague because it really seems like it. and suddenly all of us are in this sad vortex with the suction force of quicksand. misery loves company. but as i listen to their problems and track back to how many times they have been whining about the same thing since forever, i realise that without our past mistakes and experiences they would have never learnt and grow from there. 

its common to hear people say these words of comfort 'all things happen for a reason' but we dont actually understand and be grateful for what happened before. like i know of this girl who fell out with all of her bitch girlfriends for this guy because one of them bitches decided to spread the word that she stole him from her. and this friend of mine was sad for a long time. but like the chinese say, if the old ones dont go the new ones wont come. im not saying friends are disposable and as long as better ones come along you kick aside your old friends. but if they turn their backs on you, dont even bother. and this girl is now happily with this other guy and has a ton of other new friends who are not so immature. and i'll bet that if she looks back at her life now she'll be grateful they fell out with her because if they didn't, she wouldn't have learnt the difference between true friends and those who are not. 

without your present you wouldn't have your future. its funny but i feel that i am right where i am supposed to be right now. i dont regret that i didn't go to a better university; i dont regret any of my past relationships; i dont regret spending my money frivolously; i dont regret falling out with any of my enemies. 

i could be a better person and i WILL be, in the future when i learn from other mistakes. its true that you are in control of your destiny and if you study hard and become a millionaire now you earned it. but if you dont and you choose a different path, dont worry. you would have your day in the sun if you choose wisely. there are no wrong choices, only choices that have not been made. and most importantly, dont be a pussy. be ready to face the consequences for whatever choice you make cos lets face it, karma can be and will be a bitch. 

okay im done with my pointless post. HAHA bye now. 

trollolololll. I will never understand why I'm not a people person. I don't believe that you can be anything you wanna be as long as you put your mind to it. No one can totally change their character just because they set their heart on it. Like Lady Gaga said, you were born this way.

hi all :)

thought i'd do a small update. 

i have an important interview tomorrow and if it goes well i will have a job on by wednesday. im pretty excited about it. i mean, i think this is it. and its for a well known MNC. so i guess god is really throwing me a lifeline here. although i will miss chilling at night and doing nothing all day, i'm actually really excited to start working and earn my own keeps. money is kinda the source of all my problems now so i think it'll be quite a relief for me. fingers crossed!

josh finally got an iPhone! it feels weird whatsapping him though. and he's constantly playing some stupid games on his phone. so i guess there's good and bad. 

i think im really lucky to have josh and g in my life. given that i am not an easy person to get along with and even my family hates me, i think those 2 have the tolerance level of a deity. 

my family comes in the form of friends. :)

wah i hate it when a conversation goes like this.

A: what you doing later? can i join?
Cherryl: oh probably playing mahj or suppering.
A: so boring. ok nevermind.

LIKE, IF YOU HAD SUCH BIG FUN PARTY PLANS OF YOUR OWN you wouldn't even be knocking at my door asking for my company right. cos the whole world knows cherryl lum doesn't club and drink. SO, IF I DON'T SAY THAT CLUBBING AND DRINKING IS LAME AND BORING please do not comment on my activities as well. thats like telling a chess club member that his activity is damn boring. omg i hope one day you learn to play mahj and when you have 3 players and you call me to be the last I WILL NOT ANSWER YOU.

man, i am so drunk on anger.

when i look back at my older posts i realised i used to put so much thought into all my entries. maybe at some point i found it pointless since maybe no one is even reading this right now hahaha. BUT for the sake of myself when i am older and wish to reminisce, i shall.

again, i come to this space exhausted. i've just been so inspired by all the pretty bedrooms that i've come across that i have been obsessed with changing my bedroom furniture and rearranging everything. so i just dismantled my bookshelf today and threw it out. i was really just giving myself space to throw a lot more rubbish around my room. i even through out my study table hahaahha people think im crazy, im just uncluttering my life.

chinese new year is like freaking next week you know. and my sister very kindly bought me a dress which i really liked teehee. but THATS ABOUT IT. i have yet to do my nails, go for facial, make spectacles, clear finish my room, slim down, dye my hair again, JUST SO MANY FREAKING THINGS LA. IM SO STRESSED.

oh and please stop asking me if i found a job hahaha. its bloody annoying. and the one and only reason why i have yet to settle for a job is because i am too picky. thats all. simple as that.

i guess there's some truth to the saying 'once bitten twice shy'. i have paranoia issues i swear. i keep thinking anyone walking behind me wants to attack me and then i'll start to panic and my hands get clammy and i almost feel like crying till i realise it was a false alarm. i can't make you understand how it feels but i wish you dont have to go through the same thing ever.

long day tomorrow. you guys are probably thinking that i still sleep all day and party all night. hahaha i dont ok. anyway good night.

hi there. past few weeks have been exhausting. i think this is the point in my life where i feel like letting everything go. there were just so many incidents over the past few weeks which made me see things so much clearer. i really just dont wanna think about it anymore.

hahahahhahahahaahaaha im just filled with so much hatred and anger now. as always.

no one is worth it. no one is worth this.

feels like a downpour.