ANYWAY im pretty upset, again, that i lost my old account burningspirit :( IT HAS LIKE ALL MY MEMORIES EVER. yea, now my life's just a blank. isn't it amazing how i can make everything sound emo hahahahaha. kidding.

a second ANYWAY, im just gonna blog about my life recently cos i know this place has been a grave yard.

my dad's birthday in feb! bad hair day i must say.

 

and here's my cuteypie gerbils that i got 2 weeks ago hehe. everyone says their gross. their not i tell you, NOT.

  

they are terrible afraid of everything though. which reminds me of my dog last time who was scared of plastic bags.......... why so cute haha. 

and i bumped into mr chacko at parkway a few days ago. weird coincidence.

madeline made this for me at work which i think was rly cute. i am really weird i know i swear im not a lesbian HAHAHA.

and i drew this for jonnie on draw sth which i think IS REALLY CUTE imo. hahaha

to almost end this post, here are some big ass pictures of myself because i dont camwhore much these days. not that you know of. HAHAHA

and to end, something that i remind myself of everyday. :)

its not that i go around everyday asking joshy these weird questions please haha. so baby i wanna thank you for loving me and although some days we doubt each others love but ultimately inside, i know that yours is true and i hope you feel the same way too.

okay! i think this post is great effort since i didn't post pics for a thousand years alrdy hahahaha bye.

recently i have been feeling lost. done and said things that were unforgivable and pushed people away. i know this sounds strange but i finally feel peaceful. i've found my peace with god. its just amazing to have faith in someone who has performed miracles for me before and i dont know why i ever lost touch.

actually i do. its because of shame. im ashamed of my actions every now and then. and i dont wanna bring down the good christianity name if i can't be a reflector. i still can't. but small steps yes? i once went on a 1 month fast from my computer and considering how hard up i was in the past that was a big sacrifice for me because i rly felt like dying. im not saying im gonna be jumping right back in and making promises with god instantly but im gonna start small. i'll be starting from my words. gonna cut down on vulgarities yes? but sarcasm is a must. HAHA okay kidding.

i wanna thank this person for touching me with how strong their faith is. its inspiring. with all thats been going down lately i could use some inspiration.

bye!

in an extremely solemn mood tonight. no music, no phone, just me and my thoughts.

i think there comes a point in life where you realise that holy shit, you're not 20 anymore, you're twenty fucking TWO. and there are just some things that you shouldn't be playing around with anymore.

family is the first. i mean, if your relationship with your family is bad at this age, its probably going to stay like this for the rest of your life and theirs. after a certain age, its just plain awkward to make things right. unless of course, your life is a fucking dramatic tv series where you find out you have cancer and then the whole world suddenly seems to give a shit. well guess what? you are healthy and your relationship with your parents still suck. i think its quite sad that your family is never going to accept you for who you are and after so many years together they still think they can change you to be someone they want you to be. lack of effort, bad communication, you name it. im not going to lie. my relationship with my family is so bad i can cry when they do something nice for me out of the blue because i will feel so loved. other than that, silence. which of course, was cool during teenage years but now it just stinks.

i will never understand why they dont see eye to eye with me and they are never going to condone my behaviour, ever. relationship with my sister is no better. if we can live under the same roof just next door to each other and not talk for weeks, i think when we get our own houses and all, we wont be talking for years. which sucks, duh. because i do love her as much as she tends to be a bitch sometimes. i will never stop standing up for her to anyone who puts her down but thats about it. yes surely some of you are going "its never too late". fuck that shit. i'll trade shoes with you for a day and you'll see what im talking about.

secondly, friendships. okay, i give up. there are some people that are just NOT GOING TO GIVE A FUCKING SHIT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY. because they are fucking self obsessed in their own fucking world and everything is about them them them. at this age, i really dont give a shit if you call me up when you break up or when your exams were very tough and what not. so save me the trouble of entertaining you just because you are a fucking long time friend and just go bother some of your other 'friends'. im not afraid to say this because i know i've done my part as a friend. you know why? cos if you dont have a close family connection, the next group of people you will turn to are your friends right? so i used to treasure these fucking friends like damn a lot but not anymore. you dont deserve a single piece of attention from me, not even from my middle finger.

i dont get it sometimes. is it that hard to just call someone up if you miss them or wanna keep in touch instead of waiting to be called every single FUCKING TIME. where the fuck is your effort? yes im angry. because i wasted so much time on you bitches. if i could go back in time now i would surely tell past me not to entertain your snotty little bitch asses.

then of course there are friends like jiawen whom you know loves you and you will love them till you die cos seriously, friends like her are so hard to come by. the effort is just, inexplicable. friends like her, i am willing to do anything for (within my means) because i know she'd do the same. geok, who yes, likes to disappear but when you are in deep shit she will come running to you. and thats the kind of friend we all need cos at this age, I KNOW PEOPLE START RUNNING AWAY WHEN YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT. and of course, friends like pea who you cannot imagine life without though sometimes you wanna bitch slap them cos they know you inside out but thats normal in our friendship hehe.

thirdly, relationships. ok im not gonna talk about this, was gonna but not anymore. cos i haven't learnt anything that i will carry with me for life. all im carrying are my regrets.

SO, i guess thats it for today.

hola !

haven't really had time these days to sit down and blog like old times. i don't know if im lonelier now or back then when i used to blog about 5 times a day HAHAHA.

2 weird things happened to me today.

weird thing number 1:

guy: hi do you work here?
me: um yes.
guy: whens your lunch time?
me: dont have one
guy: oh its ok. can i have your number then?
me: sorry im engaged -shows multiple rings on hand and walks away-

weird thing number 2:
uncle: miss ah?
me: -look up-
uncle: aye, bu cuo ah. (not bad ah) -walk away-

im starting to think parkway is really really weird. but nonetheless, confidence booster HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

nothing to look forward to -_- joshy is only ORDing in november which is ffffcking long? so put that aside for now. cos if i were to be looking forward to something in november it might as well be my birthday right HAHAHA.

i have major mood swing problems k bye.

i think ultimately people prefer cheery people? right? i mean as compared to someone who looks fierce and all. can't really choose who you wanna be though. you were born with that face for life.

Fuck this shitass fag day.

holla everybody !

i wonder if i'll still blog when i go out to work in the future cos it would seem so juvenile then. anyway. i think i have an affinity with bugs. i can casually lean my head back and stare at the ceiling and spot a tiny ant. and i can spot the occasional cockroaches in joshys car from like miles away. which scares me cos no one should have an eye for such things right.

bored to death lately. still working and studying. so far so good. thank god my boss is reasonable and nice. still thinking if i will continue working after pea leaves though. anyway. been working on a layout for awhile now. but nothing goes with the NSF uniform that joshy is wearing soooo.......

alright. just a short post. toodles.

I am afterall, just someone with a fucked up attitude and tone.

Amazing how I've heard that from you so many times and I can still feel hurt and cry about it. Cos I believed you were supposed to bring me up not put me down.. it was never like that.

hola !

so for valentines joshy couldn't leave camp though i kept hoping and hoping. aww but he had a bouquet of flowers delivered to my shop while i was working! haha.


yes i did tell him not to get me flowers okay i know how expensive they are and all. but i guess guys will never put cost over the girl they love. anyway i was really surprised hahaha. yay. thanks baby :)

and the day after i went to meet jiawen at 4plus at her place. i hate it when the roads are wet and every step i take i will kick some black shit water onto my legs. anyway after jwen went to singapore post to deliver her parcels we headed down to china square to collect cupcakes for pea :)

a few weeks ago she said she wanted blue cupcakes so we got it for her hahaha. happy birthday pea! this is probably the first birthday we actually celebrated for you on time hahaha. i love you even though you are damn neurotic and squeaky hahaha. i love working with you and im gonna miss you bigbig time when you leave !

yup we went macs for supper after that. though its just a short while it was damn funny and all. hehe okay.

anyway i didnt go to school today cos i am damn sick. and i just discovered something today. my mom is exactly like me. like she has a problem saying 'are you alright? are you too tired from working and schooling together?' she will say it in some other way that may sound offensive like me but actually she totally means to say that she cares. we totally have that in common man.

SO ANYWAY. I AM STILL WAITING FOR GEOK TO SHOW UP IF SHE EVER WILL. gonna start on my proj first. bye!

hiiiii !

celebrated our 13 mths plus vday today. went to Les Bouchons at Ann Siang. didn't know joshy asked jiawen for details about the place and booked prior to today hehe. had a really pricey meal but it was alright! the food was not oh-my-god good but above standard i guess. i really liked the escargots.

had a good laugh at the waitress plus i was kinda tipsy after drinking wine so i practically giggled at everything.




after that we went to fly the lantern that jiawen bought us. i was REALLY afraid that it would land somewhere and set like the whole forest on fire though. pretty scary. the fire was really really big.

anyway had a good laugh, yet again, at joshy's chinese. YOU WOULD THINK THAT SOMEONE FROM A CHINESE SPEAKING FAMILY COULD WRITE SIMPLE CHINESE WORDS BUT NO HAHAHAHA. HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO WRITE 'LOVE' IN CHINESE.

i just drew something wherever he wrote something wrong and wrote for him hahaha.



ok we didn't read the instructions before hand so we were just flinging the lantern around i swear it was bloody hilarious hahaha




aww there it goes!!

hahaha thanks sbitch for the mega entertaining lantern hahaha. you might wanna write the words at home though. we wrote it on the hood of his car with mighty strong wind and people walking hahaha.

okay hehe good night!

today was an awesome fun day with joshy hehe.

went to the pasar malam near joshys place and bought a pretty lighter. then we started playing all the retarded games. shooting the ridiculously small duck to get a prize and throwing balls at cans hahaha. the gun used for shooting is so cool i want it!

stumbled upon the buffalo wings shop near his place, newly opened and decided to challenge ourselves hahaha. ordered level 4 wings and it was hell hot man. both ate till our lips turned damn red and tears were at the brim of our eyes haha. couple beside us ordered level 5. after taking 2 mouths the guy asked the waiter for a jug of ice water HAHAHAHA. HAHAHA. it was damn funny la.

anyway. yay! didnt waste sunday like we used to haha. we would always wake up at 6-7pm cos we wld hang out till 4-5am the previous night. then we would only have like 1 hours to meet before he would have to go back army :(

hehe okay. byebye.

hiiii. I don't even know why I'm blogging cos I'm pretty sure at this age no one really reads peoples blogs anymore. Oh well, old habits die hard.

was supposed to go comfortdelgro to sign up for driving in the morning but jw and I were both too tired to get out of bed. that's totally what I love about jw. so realistic and practical. Like, tired then postpone la why force yourself to go out and feel like shit right.

Anw so we decided to go in the evening. Went down to SMU to acc jw for her flea and totally got lost there. I hate tht place ah. So many freaking buildings for what leh seriously. Across the road also have. cb walk until I wanna die. hahaha okay her friend came halfway and when flea ended we lugged a shitload of things home w hw. that's probably why I will nv ever do what she do ah. I'm totally not independent enough to go places alone and sell stuff.

Went CDC. Took 2 passport photos but both look like shit HAHAHA IT'S SUCH A BAD DAY. Waited 1 hour only to find out that the private one close alrdy. so we basically cab down there and waited so long for nothing. Can die ah.

met joshy hehehe :D yup. Went cityplaza to eat the ban mian. Then jw's friend went off and the three of us sat in the car thinking of what to do but gave up and jw went home hahaha

Did u know kbox charges are like 43.20 nett per person? Who in the right mind wld pay that? -_-

Anw ok I have work tmr! thank god only pm shift. I am gonna hate work on Saturdays cos pea is only working weekdays -_- fffff. okay. good night!

i've thought about it and it has been a hell of a long time since i actually sat down and really blogged like the past. i think my previous posts used to have more substance and what not cos they were always filled with my thoughts and blahhhhhhhhhh. im too busy for that now!

okay just a quick update. as you know im currently working and studying and i would just love to see how that turns out. then again, i was never as in love with money as i am now. used to be the kind of girl who would just spend whatever she has without any worries. im proud of myself actually because i never did like too many responsibilities. never wanted to be prefect, student council, head of cca committees or whatever. zero responsibilities, come and go as i like. so i think im growing up hehehe. actually pretty worried that i would not be able to cope with my projects and stuff but i'll take whatever as it comes.

the extra income would be good i guess. i mean i hate teaching tuition because honestly i dont think i could help them much anyway. and with the extra money, joshy wouldn't have such a heavy financial burden. hahaha i bet he yearrrrrns for the day i would stop lazing around at home and get off my ass and do something for myself.

ok secondly, im so into mahjong now that joshy says he wants to call the gambling addiction hotline HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. sigh.

chinese new year was normal. more boring than ever this year but still great i guess to see everyone. hehe bye!

BTW BTW! ok so like on my first day I told pea how pretty the green frame in the shop was and on my second day she gave it to me as my 21st gift! Hahaha AWESOME MUCH? ITS RLY DAMN PRETTY LOOK LOOK !

Haha thanks pea!!!! <3

I hope I fall very ill or die an instant death so I can make my family the happiest people on earth. I'll be the happiest.

Work with pea these 2 days was damn awesome! Hahaha. can't wait for my next weekday schedule:)

i am still in a holiday mood. school seems to have no impact on me yet. maybe cos after tmr i have a break AGAIN till 2nd feb. maybe i'll get serious then hehehe.

i went to do mani and pedi w joshy's mom just now! hahaha very happy ah i wanted to do for damn long hahaha now free one somemore :) hehehe.

okay school again tmr. then long long break. work on thurs and friday though. pretty excited hahaha last time i worked w pea was like end of sec 4 i think.

WHY SO CUTE?

Hate to talk to people who love to move the attention of the topic to themselves. Like, hold up please, we'll get there eventually right. World does not revolve around u man so learn to deal with other peoples problems too instead of just wanting the limelight to themselves. not sure if you guys get what I mean, I know jonnie does.

My feng shui app says that today is a good day which in my opinion IS A FUCKING LIE. fuck this day TTM.

Just watched The Switch (1991). its so beautiful omg.

It's about a man who got killed by these women who hated him cos he's a womanizer. then when he went to some passageway between heaven and hell God gave him a choice of going to heaven but before that he had to go back to earth as a woman and find one girl who didn't hate him. then he/she slept with his/her best friend and got pregnant but if she decided to have the baby she would die. and as a guy he already loved kids so right after she gave birth to her daughter she said 'I think she likes me' then she died and went to heaven. AW?

sucker for such movies man.