半岛铁盒

I was on the bus to school and jay chou's 半岛铁盒 was on repeat. Surprisingly I was feeling down but what's more surprising is that i wasn't sad for myself.

I got to know the song from a friend while we were singing at Kbox. Initially I didn't think much about it but as I listened to the lyrics it dawned on me that it described his life w his ex. It wasn't so much pity but more of empathy. I guess. Many of you know who I am talking about..

My only wish this year is probably for him to find happiness but it's not happening. I would give anything for him to reconcile or wtv w his ex. Anything to see him smile from the heart.

I personally hate it when people are not happy yet they pretend that they are，thats why I would rather not smile at all when I an happy because I don't like to put up a front.

I feel like I'm in the pits yet it's not even my problem to deal with.

I would give anything.

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT MY BODY CLOCK IS SCREWED UP REALLY BADLY.

i hate tossing and turning and not falling asleep!! ):

nomore happy cherryl week

I am emo gal because my sister don't wanna go cut hair with me today.

I am going to stop being an emo bitch because there are enough emo bitches for vultures to feed on till the year 3000. though sometimes i really think i've mastered the art of true emoing because i actually have nothing to be emo about HAHAHAHA. i have no boyfriend to break my heart, my family is crazy fun, i have awesome friends maybe just one or two that went astray. if i think about it i should be one of the happiest people around. I always tell people to dwell on what they have and not what they dont hahaha maybe i should finally apply that to my own life. yes, i never ever practice what i preach. oops. okay but happy doesnt mean less bitterness and cynicism okay HAHAHA.

anyway people always say that the stronger person is the one able to let go of his hatred. and i know its true because i've tried it. it takes SO much more than just giving in and scolding the person. i do like a challenge. but as the saying goes, forgive your enemies cos nothing annoys them more than that. its happy cherryl week!

i have school at 12!! yes and i can't sleep ): my body clock is still screwed up from the holidays. HAHAHAAH i just disturbed dilys on msn. omg im actually quite looking forward to the class gathering hahaha. bloody long since i saw dilys!!! okay im going to read some stuff online. BYE!!

I'm in a good mood because i won all my bets today hehehe. helped me to cover all my losses -_- yay! okay. interesting matches tomorrow! anyway. i know i said this a million times but my mice are really the cutest pieces of rodents on this earth. the way the climb the cage and peek at me through the bars. really i wanna kiss them awwwww! they make me smile every single day (:

Series of events made me realise i really just wanna be alone for now. i used to love the drama of BGR. the chase, the thrill. now it all just seems so alien to me. words. how promising can words be? aren't they all just a gimmick to get someone to trust you then after that you can manipulate them as you wish? i seriously HATE sweet talk to the core. im so immuned to it i swear to god i feel NOTHING when someone says those words to me. i don't even know why people get into a relationship at my age haha! what are you hoping to get out of it? some company when you're lonely? some attention? call me a non believer because i am. i just dont see this relationship thingy working out for me anytime in near future.

its too tiring. constantly thinking of how to please them. what to wear. how to mix well with their friends. how to bewitch them. their expectations your expectations. maybe im the only one whose tired of relationships because im the only one constantly worried about these when im in one. or am i? i can give you a politically correct definition of how relationships are supposed to be your second home. where you can be yourself. you know that's not true. be it 1 year or 5 years you still hope that when you see your partner you will WOW them with your new hairstyle or perfume or something. sigh what for.

maybe its just me. maybe i just haven't found someone i can totally be myself around. someone who doesnt mind a moodswinging crazy bitch TRUST ME THERE ARE FEWER GUYS THAN YOU THINK WHO LIKE SUCH GIRLS. maybe its coming. i just need to believe. keep believing and hoping that true love will knock on my door. i should give true love my address again.

i know i can sometimes be very bitter about my close friends getting attached. im not sure of the psychological reason behind it yet. ok its definitely not because i want everyone to be alone like me okay hahahahahha. then again.. could it be that i am really just selfish and as long as i am not happy i dont wanna see others happy? this is really messing with my mind. one of the reasons is that i've been through quite abit of shit and i really dont want all of you to go through the same thing. especially when you come and tell me whats wrong i really dont wish to see you in that kind of state. like Bullet for my Valentine sang, "If its supposed to be like this, why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?" yet, i am forcing my beliefs on you. yup. i admit im wrong. from now on i'll leave out my beliefs.

anyway i saw this totally cute waiter at Hillman just now HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i'm in like the worst mood ever. im hungry but there's nothing to eat at home that i haven't already stuffed myself with over the past few days so im kinda not in the mood to eat any of that. i can go on and on about how upset i am about being broke and having no food but i guess i wont.

I'm still hoping that good things will happen to me.

Contrary to what people say, i think that appearing offline is NOT stupid.

I'm with you

I'm standing on the bridge, I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now.
There's nothing but the rain, No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound.

Tadah, the first person who dares to hold my mice (:

Joyce came over for awhile to waste our lives away together. Finally realised that all my girly friends are maturing so quickly and i am the only one still.. like that. -_-

Day before went for geok's chalet, had an awesome time, stayed over and came back.

Okays shan't say much for now.

I have a new favourite poet/author, Oscar Wilde. His quotes make my brain cells tingle.

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”
-Oscar Wilde

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes"
-Oscar Wilde

I could spend all day reading his works.

Anyway, I watched a baby pigeon grow from just an egg to a teen bird now.
I couldn't find anything younger than this bird but this is already about 2 weeks old.


Isn't it amazing how it becomes this?


Its so adorable :D Only when they are on your windowsill, not when they are flying above you in Orchard road dropping bombs.

My thoughts wrapped up in a post.

So i was wondering why i always get so worked up when people ask me about my job. And i figured its because i don't like the feeling of losing. In fact i hate losing very very much. So i get annoyed because i hate describing my job and the pay i earn is obviously measly as compared to what i can achieve. Speaking of what i can achieve, i get even more annoyed because i am ALREADY so annoyed with myself that i can't seem to have the discipline to suck it up and stick to 1 job even if i hate it to the core. My self discipline is non existent. I KNOW that its a part time job and being paid like $6/hr is totally normal in Singapore but its not the best. People are working in KTV lounges for $10/hr but i would never do that because i always give myself excuses not to do something.

I would stop halfway and walk if i went jogging, so why bother? I have a Ju-on face and i cannot approach strangers so why bother continuing my retail job? I'm like the weirdest person ever. I would give myself 83048203482023 fucking excuses to PURSUE something, then i would again give myself 82048230482034802480248032 more excuses to QUIT what i started. I don't know if its because i lose interest easily in something or whatever reason but it brings about much self disappointment sometimes. Sometimes i stick to what i pursued for 4-5 days... and everyone who has had hope in me starts to think i'm picking myself up again... then BOOM i quit and its like dropping a bombshell on them.

So it all boils down to feeling like a loser because i can't seem to hang onto anything worth hanging onto. Plus i like being the best at something. Really, i do. I like having the best job. I like having the best results among my friends (hard work or no hard work). I love how i shove my face with food but i'm not obese yet. I love how i love something that no one else loves (my mice). I love how unique i am although it is to the point of obnoxiousness. I love how even the basics, like my name, is already different from everybody else. But unfortunately there are just some things that i can't conquer. For example if you ask me about my stamina i would gladly laugh along with you because i know from the bottom of my heart i can't run. But things like jobs, school results, relationships, money are things that i can be best at too. Yet its not happening because of the restrictions i set on myself therefore i feel EXTREMELY touchy when asked about these topics.

So JYJJ love, i hope this is a good enough explanation on why i flare up every time you talk about certain things. I'm sorry for my toxic attitude that i know have made you feel like shit and unappreciated time and time again. I promise, cross my heart and hope to die (though really, i hope to die all the time) that i will not flare up when unneccesary and don't be afraid to just say what you want to say okay? Meaning, you don't have to talk to me based on my mood or my restrictions i placed on you. I love you, you are really truly deserving to be my BGF and you are truly the only one i 100% feel this way about.

There, i think i've got it all figured out. For now.

On a totally unrelated note, the feeling of being liked is ALWAYS the best. wink.

Oh yes update for today (thursday). Met terry for Hotpot Culture at Marina Sqre. The food was actually pretty awesome and its just $13.80++ (in total it was about $16 each) for the all you can eat lunch buffet from 12-5pm. So the puzzling thing was that the place was pretty damn empty. But i swear that if you can ignore the slightly substandard service, you will have a good time shoving your face with food. Headed to town, shopped, then met samuel, terry's friend. Went Kbox where i had a good time laughing my ass off at terry then went to eat prata. Oh its not that i wasn't full from the buffet, i just vomited everything out a few hours later. BUT TERRY'S FINE SO ITS NOT THE FOOD!

I believe God makes you cross paths with people for a reason. Every single person you know now has altered your fate even though you can't see it. So if you are wondering why you have such family or friends or colleagues, just remember they have helped you in ways you could never imagine, literally. All the tears, the pain, the laughter, the fights - they were all worth something that helped you grow mentally and spiritually.

When you look back on your life, the bitches whom you can't see eye to eye with or who have forgotten you, have left you to understand which friendships are worth holding on to and that you shouldn't give your 100% to just anyone. The guardian angels who have been there but somehow, you just don't see them, help you to keep your child-like faith that's so badly needed in this world where you would like to believe there's still something good in everyone. The people who like you are there for 3 simple reasons, to help you gather some self confidence, to bring out the humanity in you so much so that you do not brutally tear their hearts apart but learn to let them down softly and lastly to show you what love is. Everyone is there to show you the meaning of something else. You just have to look hard enough to find it and find closure.

Friends never fail to ask me what is Love. Do you have a note book and a pen? Jot down every single thing daily that has been done for you out of love. When you are on your deathbed reading this notebook, that's when you will truly know what Love is.


p.s If you made it to the bottom and you carefully read what i wrote, thank you. It means a lot to me.

One unexpected call sends me to the mooooooooooon the moon the moon the moon the moon hehehehehe!

"When you lent me the money you said i wouldn't have to return it until the future. THIS ISN'T THE FUTURE!"
-Homer Simpson

HAHAHAHA OKAY THE WAY HE SAID IT WAS HILARIOUS

One unexpected call sends me to the mooooooooooon the moon the moon the moon the moon hehehehehe!

Past few days have been gaming, gaming and more gaming with nel. It has been years since i would game until 7-8am and sleep till 4-5pm. Oh well, its always a whole lot of fun to game with long time friends.

If i had the chance to tell you how i feel now i probably could but i wouldn't. Because once again i can truly say you no longer mean a thing to me (: 3 cheers for myself for getting over you about 19032 times already.

Olympus µTOUGH-3000




I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I've had my current camera for what, 3years plus now? Everyone knows it's battered and old!

Oh yes, by the way I cleared my modules! :>

Here's an interesting take on life.

I was watching a bluebottle yesterday. In an effort to escape the living room, he kept flying against the window, hitting his head against the glass over and over. Then he stopped launching himself at it like a missile and stuck to one little windowpane, buzzing about like he was having a panic attack. It was frustrating to watch, especially because if he'd just flown up a little bit higher towards the top of the window, he'd have been free. But he just kept doing the same thing over and over again. I could imagine his frustration of being able to see the trees, the flowers, the sky, yet not being able to get to them. I tried to help him a few times, to guide him towards the open window, but he flew away from me around the room. He'd eventually come back to the same window and I could almost hear him: "Well, this is the way I came in..."

I wonder if my watching him from the armchair is what it's like to be God, if there is a God. He sits back and sees the big picture, just as I could see that if the bluebottle just moved up the window to the top, then he'd be free. He wasn't really trapped at all, he was just looking in the wrong place. I wonder if God can see a way out for me and mum. That idea brings me comfort. Well, it did, until I left the room and returned a few hours later to find a dead bluebottle on the windowsill. It may not have been him but still... Then to show you where my mind is right now, I started crying...

Then I got mad at God because in my head the death of the bluebottle meant mum and I might never find our way out of this mess. What good is it being so far back you can see everything and yet not doing anything to help?

Then I realised that I was the God on this occasion. I had tried to help the bluebottle, but it wouldn't let me. And then i felt sorry for God because i understood his frustration. Sometimes when people offer a helping hand, it gets pushed away. People always want to help themselves first.

-Cecelia Ahern, The Book of Tomorrow

Beautifully written.

omg i found THE song of my life.

yesterday was fun. met joshua after work, went to eat at cine then went nearby to sit and chill. in a blink of an eye it was like 3am hahaha.

i could get used to this life.