hello world.

the past few days have been.. well okay. spent the days and nights with josh as usual. i was just thinking, im not the girl who wants to settle down with a guy and everyday from then on is just the same. i hate routine. i wanna be doing something new everyday. try something new. like how i went night cycling last week. it was about the most fun i had in weeks. i wanna be spontaneous and i need to be with someone who can be that with me. i mean, josh is great. whatever i wanna do, he would agree. maybe i just need him to think of new crazy things to do too. and i get that sometimes he would want to stay home and just chill because army is already taking such a toll on him. but i've been doing this for 1.5 years now ever since he went into army and i dont know how much longer i can do the same thing every weekend. i know its unfair because when im not working i do get to stay home and chill by myself. i dont know what i want. i think sometimes i just want the impossible because the impossible is whats most appealing to me. but is it really impossible to be spontaneous every single day?

im happy with my life but im so bored at the same time. like if i died tomorrow i would be like, pfft whatever its not like i was planning on doing anything anyway.