how do we deal with criticism? i guess sometimes we just get angry when people are spot on with whatever they are criticizing us with. my take is that we just don't care for criticisms that we are already aware of. sometimes there are just certain topics that are taboo. one of them for me, is studies. and i know people are supposed to want to do better when they are looked down on for something but not me. criticisms just bring me down further until i give up. so if you wanna see me fail in life, please, go ahead and keep talking about how stupid i am and what a failure i am.

i guess thats why sometimes friends are better. because they dont invade into these private spaces that are inside the corners of your mind. just tucked away because you are ashamed of the fact that you couldn't achieve what you wanted to. but i guess life isn't always a bed of roses and people who are closer to you are there to remind you and wake you up to reality.

i dont know which to be thankful for. but it doesnt change the fact that it annoys the shit out of me when people talk about such topics. i need to convince myself that people are just doing it for my own good and not judging or anything.

aiya everything is just fucked up now. super unhappy with my life. dont even feel like meeting with anyone but if i dont then maybe i will really lose all my friends so, bo bian.

sometimes i like to push people away and see if they come back. i believe that if someone really regards you as a friend of importance they will keep coming back. i do it to everyone. i push everyone away at some point. just that sometimes, they dont come back and i have to go chasing after them because im scared to lose them too. fail. maybe i should stop doing that. because i really believe that if you love someone, you will break through all the walls to get to them. you wont give up even if they push you away. its a simple concept but not many people understand it. im getting tired of explaining myself. guess i shall just go with the flow, have no stand or takes on how i should be treated. because people just dont understand. im tired.


I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I’d thought it’d be easy
But no on believes me
I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing could save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
-sum41, pieces

a song that always speaks to me.


its just one of those days where i just wanna lie on my bed and watch the world go by. just wanna feel what its like to be dead. to leave the worries to someone else. just cry it out. cry it out.