you know what? i have been trying to phrase and rephrase my blogpost so that it does not seem too emotional or whatever but nothing sounds right to me. you might think this is another of my 'emo moments' where i just reflect and get into this pensive mood and sound all yada yada yada about life and shit. but this is real. i refuse to admit that its real but it is. and i can't live in denial forever because thats not feasible. i wouldnt say its karma. that would be cruel. sigh. i can't. i can't say what im feeling its too hard. so there.