i really think its the influence of emotional songs but i feel awful right now. like nothing is going right in my life, you know? i think im cursed to never ever be happy.

okay i can't believe i am taking time out from my bloody tight schedule to blog. tight schedule as in 8hours before i have to leave house for exam, and i still have 8 chapters to go and im not even confident for the 3 that i've studied for HOHOHOHOHO. yea thats what you get when you fall asleep for 6 hours before this. oh god. oh god.

anw baby im srsly sorry our timing is always the opposite! i'll see you tmr k love you!

after some time, there are just some people you realise you're better off without.

HAHAHAHAHA I JUST THINK ITS DAMN CUTE. THE ERROR PAGE FOR TUMBLR. LOOK AT THE ONE ON THE EXTREME LEFT. ITS LIKE DAMN BLOODY CUTE HAHAHAHAHA.

You know what I can't stop thinking about?
How we slow danced at the staircase landing for the first time even though we both didn't know how to and we just ended up twirling, hugging, and moving our feet slowly.
:)

whine. employment relations is such a fucking dry subject. but i guess anything beats physics/math. WHINEEEEEEEE. my mood is so awful now. i srsly think im gonna fail everything. no joke. omg i hate studying. i hate hate hate hate studying. HATE.

university is like damn fucking hard please -_-

in the course of studying for well, 2hours max? if you minus out all the time i spent watching Lizzie McGuire (shut up! i haven't watched it before) and eating..... i drank like a gallon of water :D hehe yay. yea not coke, WATER.

Mad.

He's staring at me
I'm sitting, wondering what he's thinking
Nobody's talking 'cause talking just turns into screaming
And now as i'm yelling over him, he's yelling over me
All that that means - is neither of us is listening
And what's even worse?
That we don't even remember why we're fighting.

So both of us are mad for nothing
fighting for nothing
crying for nothing
But we wont let it go for nothing
Nothing,
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got

Baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
but baby, can we make up now
'cause I can't sleep through the pain

Boy, i don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And i don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, i don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And i don't want you to go to bed mad at me

And it gets me upset, boy
when you're constantly accusing
askin' questions like you've already known
We're fighting this war, baby
when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

What happened to workin' it out?
We fall into this place
where you ain't backin' down and i ain't backin' down
so what the hell do we do now?

It's all for nothing
fighting for nothing
crying for nothing
But we wont let it go for nothing
Nothing,
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got

Baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
and just how good it's gonna be
we can fuss and we can fight
as long as everything's alright between us
before we go to sleep

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

i was awake till morning yesterday and i saw my parents leave for their short holiday. funny thing was when i got back to my room i just felt empty. the house really has no meaning at all without my parents. no one to order us around, keep things in shape. i know its like i feel bothered when they are at home and they keep asking me to do this and that this and that but my dad said before it won't be long before they are gone and my sister and i will part ways to start our own families and all. this has always stuck in my mind and thinking about it always makes me sad. what your parents tell you will always stick around till you're old and they are the words that matter.


anyway exams are in a couple weeks. ok i swear i will start studying next week. i think diploma was my downfall. everything was always last minute yet you are still able to score. now although im in university im still taking everything so lightly. geez. i think i will forever breeze through life like that and not make anything of myself haha.

i admire you for following your heart and taking something that you love. but some of us just don't plan for our future alone. we are so desperate to take a degree that will definitely get us a job and we dont care if its a desk bound one because we want the money. we want the money not only for ourselves but for our parents to have a good life when they retire too and bank loans that will be due in time. of course you will get a good job and earn big bucks but to some people its more important because not everyone is that fortunate.

note: this is NOT to start a war carrots&peas, just explaining the link (in my point of view) as to why some people relate psych to not being able to find a gd job and why its so important to them. psych was totally my dream when i was young and yes i do hate what i am doing now. ALSO not saying you will go to US and live happily ever after and dump your parents here la. NOTHING OF THAT SORT.

don't PMS k love you! and your pills DO NOT MAKE PPL HIGH STOP SAYING THAT!!!!

Today joshy goes back to camp and reverts to stay in for the whole week. Yup previously he was stay out so we were able to meet every night. Anyway. We decided to meet at 4am for an hour or so before he goes back to camp for an entire week and i overslept. Yup. But but but. The amazing thing about joshy is that he did not leave after like half an hr or so. When i woke at 515 he was still downstairs waiting patiently. He amazes me :) his love amazes me. Awww.

Dont be jealous of my bf bitches ;D

went for jiawen's dance concert in Temasek Poly just now. its theme was to celebrate life. it was really inspiring. stuff like that always gets me thinking but sadly the moment only lasts for awhile. its difficult to constantly inspire yourself yet there are new people becoming inspirations everyday.

pea and jwen:

ok hi my bitches i know i haven't responded to any of your blogposts cos i've been so hell busy with last minute work. when did you all meet w/o me )): !? can we bring jwen's cat out again pls. hahaha. i dont know whats going on in your lives too :/ especially pea. no, actually jwen also HAHAHAHA. pea, talk about yourself pls! your life like revolves around school!?!?!! eh we can't meet cos i am barely in school HAHAHA SORRY. like srsly, i think the only thing that hasn't changed about you is that you are always 30min-1hour early for anything. HAHAHA damn funny la everytime we wanna meet. &jwen IM SORRY i never really reply your texts. gahhhh i tell you why when we meet. HELLO I GOT SO MUCH TO TELL YOU ALL PLEASE?! exciting :D:D:D ok bitches i am meeting both of you next week. just hang at someone's house also can. eh jwen you bitch you gave pea alice in the wonderland you give me SHREK. SHREKKKKKK. hahaha eh i feel high just talking to you all like that hahaha! ok i love you guys lots lots!

i wrote everything i felt about my parents on a paper and burnt it. i hope it'll burn away my anger and sadness too.

otherwise i'd have to burn myself.

i'm happy that many friends out there want good things to happen for me. though not everyone has a similar opinion on whats best for me, i appreciate every single ounce of happiness anyone has felt for me. heart warming, keeps me going.

just celebrated anniversary w josh. i had a blast baby and i really wanna thank you for loving me.

you know, people are always trying to burst my bubble of happiness. you may think im being unrealistic and too dreamy because i believe sappy love cartoons and movies do happen in real life but i don't care. it makes me happy just to think of the 'what ifs'.

i think everyone should embrace their fantasies. whats the point of working hard for a good life ahead and all the money you guys have together when the magic is gone?

i'm glad this hectic week is over. on monday i never thought i'd see the light of friday. okay, saying i wanted to die was melodramatic but that was the gist of it.

i dont know why i've been feeling really shitty lately. all i've been thinking about is death. yea alright, tragic for a young life.

i dont like to apologise. i dont believe saying sorry makes things better. it just gives rise to a winner and a loser. i believe in looking out for body language/actions that might show signs of apology. i believe in the silent healing of relationships. time - a big influence.

i feel like i keep doing the wrong thing.

i was just watching Hannah Montana ( i know, i have a finance test at like 7pm later and i still have 2 chapters to go [bonds and capital budgeting.] BOTH OF WHICH I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT) and i thought about you cher :D i guess it was because of miley and lily and it reminded me of how we were in the past. This post is for you cher.

Im really sorry that we grew apart. I mean, being best friends with you could have grown into so much more right now but i guess it wasnt easy maintaining the friendship. I see how you are now and you have no idea how much i admire you. Youre in a good school, you have ambitions and good grades (seems like yesterday we were laughing about our psle scores), you have a boyfriend who wants the same things as you in life, awesome r/s w your family. i wouldnt take the first step of saying that youre happy the way things are because there could be so much more i dont know since we drifted but girl, things are looking up for you.

i always wondered what would have happened if i hadnt stopped hanging out with you. study together and stuff, maybe i wouldnt be such a failure in my studies haha. For what its worth, im sorry for being uptight and judgemental about kenneth. im with joshua and with everyone being so judgemental and all, i finally understand your past blog post about how bystanders will never understand what ken has done for you. i wish i could hv been there to share your joy though. I remember how we used to talk about ES and other guys in your life.

It'd be pretty weird to fix things now, despite the cliche saying of how its never too late. It'd be pretty awkward and all with years of empty memories between us. You've grown into this mature young woman with friends of the same calibre and im still stuck with being an obnoxious teenager. So i dont want to take away what you've worked so hard for by being this negative, sulky stain in your life.

Anyway im glad we were once awesome best friends and i love you!

))): i should have taken marketing as a major. fuck. im stuck now. i hate finance to the core. im interested in marketing and i love coming up with creative ideas. WHY. WHY DID I CHOOSE FINANCE. omg super stressed now.

its fun to go out in a group of friends and have a decent meal but what happens when the bill comes? i've thought about this in many different approaches before. there are basically 3 types of people.

1) pay for my share and my share only, down to every penny.
2) give abit more than my share (no small change) and asks whoever to keep the change.
3) sits quietly in the corner while everyone is counting the money strewn across the table and hopes no one realises he hasn't paid.

3 is a jackass and the problem goes way back to his principles so lets not talk about 3.

lets talk about 1 and 2's actions.

i think its reasonable to wanna take back all the change that is rightfully yours because it is afterall, your money. then brings us to the value of money. what is 20cents to you? on the other hand, what is $2? so is it okay to take back $2 change but not okay to take back 20cents? let me emphasize that this is friends splitting the change and not the change you take from stall vendors.

what character are you trying to portray when you ask your friends to keep the change? do you really not care about the money because its your friends or do you just not wanna seem uptight about money. or do you think its a charity? i guess there's no fault in wanting to keep the change or the last person who handles the money will have to awkwardly keep it.

i think its a socially awkward situation that has plagued many of us before. im guessing most of us are either those who say 'keep the change' because you simply dont want to look like a miser in front of our friends or those who really dont want to keep the coins. honestly, i've rarely come across friends who take back every cent that is rightfully theirs though i do have 1 or 2.


oh well. just something i thought about on the bus ride home.